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Young Writers Society


12+

Corps of Recovery: Part 8

by Ventomology


Later that night, after mostly everyone had calmed down from that afternoon’s chaos, Rudi found himself walking down the boy’s dormitory hallway. The only sound was that of his quiet footsteps. Finally, having arrived at the older page’s door, Rudi knocked softly.

“Who’s there?” asked Axel’s muffled voice.

“It’s Rudi.”

“Ah, now’s not really the time. You’re free to come in though, if you’d like to watch me work.”

Rudi did that, slowly creaking open the door to Axel’s room. It was much homier than Rudi’s could ever be, filled with trinkets and miscellaneous furniture. Paper and books were haphazardly left on all surfaces, Axel’s bed included.

Simon sat on one side of his old mentor’s bed, left arm stretched out. His face was twisted in a permanent wince. Behind him, Axel precariously poked at his skin with a pair of tweezers.

“I suggest you use your magic sight to better understand what I’m doing,” Axel said, twitching an elbow towards the chair by his desk, “It’s difficult to see the effects of the spell otherwise.”

Rudi sat and closed his eyes to use his magic sight. Simon’s crimson silhouette stood out first, but it was flecked with the color of unpolished brass. Suddenly, one of the flecks disappeared, and Simon’s groaning prompted Rudi to open his eyes.

“Shut up, you nitwit,” Axel said, examining a particularly large glass sliver. He dropped it into a wastebin by the bed and returned to searching for more of them. As he plucked another splinter out, Axel began speaking again. “So I assume you’ve already seen the affects of my spell.”

Rudi nodded, but he forgot that Axel was concentrating on Simon’s arm. “Uh, yes,” he said.

“Good, good. Now then, you’re probably interested in what exactly happened today. Let’s see, I’ll start from the part about Prince Lukas dying.”

Simon shivered.

“Stop moving, Simon. Alright then, so Prince Lukas was killed by so-called 'Alten extremists', and when Simon heard about it, he didn’t know what to do. He apparently was more upset about how awkward it would be to hang around Vinnia than any sort of love for his brother or his sister, Princess Claudia, who will be taking Lukas’s place in the Selim Empire.” As Axel finished, another piece of glass clinked into the wastebin.

“So what happened to Vinnia?” Rudi asked. He felt obliged to be concerned, especially since he might know something no one else did.

“Hush, I’m not done explaining yet.” Axel glanced at something on Simon’s arm and cursed before reaching for a pen. He must have spelled it to always have ink, because Axel began drawing a transmutation circle on Simon’s arm straightaway, no dipping required. “Anyways, last year, Simon always went to the practice rooms to let off steam when he was upset. You can imagine that I spent a lot of time picking slivers out of his back. So this time, he went to the fencing rooms, blew his top a little, and by the time we got to the rooms, he was mostly calm. When Vinnia opened the door—how she knew which one is a mystery I’ll never understand—Simon figured that it would be better to talk with her in private about whatever awkwardness he felt, and pulled her inside.”

“And that’s when Vinnia collapsed, right?” Rudi said.

Axel looked up from his work. “Yes. Simon caught her in order to make sure she didn’t fall on the glass, and placed her in a relatively safe corner of the room. When he realized that we had broken his barrier, he got scared that we might think Vinnia’s fainting was his fault.”

“I was not,” Simon said.

“Yes you were; don’t deny it.”

After a few biting comments passed between the older boys, Rudi decided it was time to leave. He wondered if Vinnia was still in Lady Fey’s office, and if he could visit her. As he closed the door to Axel’s room, however, he spotted Vinnia skipping down the girl’s hall as if that afternoon’s episode had never happened. And strangely enough, there was a new piece of magic on her in the form of a silvery circlet.

-----

It was late afternoon by the time Rudi worked up the nerve to ask Vinnia about the night before. Well, more like it was late afternoon when he finally got the chance. Morning athletics had been replaced by funeral preparations, and all the girls had been getting black tunics fitted while the boys worked. Simon’s jestering attitude had surged back to full strength, and he bothered Vinnia so much that she opted to sit with Elizabeth and Bridget at midday. Axel had been quite miffed about that.

“Rudolph!” shouted the count. Rudi blinked back from his recount of the day so far and stared down at the jousting field. “Down, please! We haven’t got all day!”

“Oh, um, sorry!” Rudi said, trying to visualize magic wings flapping him back to the ground. It was rather difficult to do when he couldn’t see behind him, but he’d imagined himself with great big eagle wings earlier, so he managed.

Upon touchdown, Vinnia ran up to him. Even though she never looked straight at Rudi, he could tell by her wide eyes and agape mouth that she had been amazed by his feat. “I can’t believe you actually flew!” she squealed, “It’s so exciting! What was it like? Huh?”

“Calm down Vinnia,” Count Stephan said, smiling like a child about to spend money on sweets. He produced a quill pen from his pocket and placed it in Vinnia’s hands. “Now then, Rudi, right palm out, just like that there. Vinnia, we’ll start this one with a hexagonal star, guidelines are in.”

Rudi’s hand tickled as Vinnia scrawled two interconnecting triangles on his palm. “Now what?” she said, blowing on the black star.

“Line through one point, parallel with the center hexagon, then the scale plates on both sides and you’re done.” Vinnia scratched accordingly, brow furrowed in concentration. Why couldn’t they just carve stamps for these transmutations? Rudi hated the feeling of wet, runny ink on his skin. As Vinnia dried the ink, he tried to predict what this symbol would do. Maybe it would make him heavier, since scales had to do with weight.

“Now then, Rudi, if you’ll go ahead and perform the flying spell again.”

After a quick, dubious glance at the transmutation symbol, Rudi took a deep breath and pictured the strong, shiny eagle wings from last time. They materialized in the back of his mind and flapped once, sending an imaginary gust across the jousting field. He flapped them again, and his feet lifted off the ground. For a short moment, vertigo sloshed through Rudi’s stomach. His wings weren’t as strong this time.

Shrieks of Vinnia’s laughter broke Rudi’s concentration. She floated in the air a few yards away from him, solid green wings protruding from her back. They looked so real, so alive. Every feather was sleek and shiny, and they seemed to move with the wind in a way Rudi couldn’t possibly imagine. Vinnia turned a somersault mid-air and whooped in delight.

“This is amazing!” she yelled, reaching upwards, “I feel like I could touch the clouds!”

Rudi neglected to mention that Lady Fey had just taught them that clouds were simply condensed water. He watched for a few more moments as Vinnia frolicked before once again taking in the bird’s-eye-view scenery. From above the jousting field, which was empty of any equipment at the moment, Rudi could see the edge of the palace gardens just on the high horizon line. Everything was in full bloom, matching the colorful banners hung on the jousting field bleachers.

“Rudi, Vinnia!” the count called, hands to his face, “Can you come down now? You two will have more time to play with the sharing transmutation later.”

Oh, so that was what the symbol was called. Watching as Vinnia fluttered down, Rudi eased off on how much concentration he put into the wings. He felt hard dirt press underneath his boots and let out a sigh. Vinnia’s green wings dissolved, particles floating away like dandelion fluff.

“Very nice, both of you,” Count Stephan said. For what may have been the first time, he smiled broadly. “Now then, why don’t I explain what happened there? You see, the sharing transmutation is used to force someone’s spell to split over the caster and the drawer. It’s a very simple transmutation however, and can only be used for simple things like the flying that Rudi just performed.”

Vinnia looked like she might raise her hand, but since there were only three of them, decided to just blurt out her question. “So what do you do to share other spells?”

“Well, the sharing transmutation is only a base. There are many variations that can be made: you can add an eye to the center to share visions from a telescenic spell, or an X to make the transmutation use the drawer’s magic, while sharing the spell.”

Appearing to understand, Vinnia nodded. Her eyebrows were peaked in thought. A question seemed to be balancing on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t want to ask it for some reason.

“Count,” Rudi said, scuffing his feet on the ground, “what do you do to simply perform a spell on someone else? So far, you’ve only taught me visualizations in relation to myself.”

With the way Vinnia whipped her head to face him, Rudi figured that was the question she wanted to ask.

The count flicked his gaze between the two first-years for a moment. “I’ll teach you that later,” he said, “For now, you both just need to learn the very basics.” He spun on his heel and walked away, black coattails rustling in the breeze.

With a sidelong glance at Vinnia, Rudi shrugged. “Why did you want to know?” he asked, “I mean, if you did. That was what you wanted to ask, right?”

Vinnia sniffed and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “Of course not,” she replied flatly. She stared straight ahead, biting her lips nervously. If anyone asked, Rudi didn’t believe her when she said that. Suddenly, he remembered that there was something else he wanted to ask. By the time he got the words out, however, Vinnia was already out of earshot. She gave no impression of having heard him.

At dinner, the entire mess hall felt strangely quiet. Elizabeth did not visit their table to bicker as she usually did, and Axel incessantly flicked his eyes towards the door, even after Count Stephan came in to give thanks. Across the table, Vinnia wore an expression of concentration; she looked at Simon’s empty seat several times. There were no comments about plates or unsanded tables that night.

Concerned about the silence, the count addressed the pages again before he left. He still wore black, as did most of the castle staff. “I know you must be worried about Simon and Chem, but do not worry. They will be absent for a few days while Prince Lukas’s procession is being held. Both will return in a week’s time when the procession passes by Schönluft. You all will be expected to help with funeral duty during that time. That is all. You may return to the dorms.” He exited the room quietly, and it was several moments before any of the pages budged or uttered a word.


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1417 Reviews


Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 10:38 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Noelle back again for another Review Day review!

Axel has become my favorite character. He's just such a cool, chill guy and I feel like he has everything under control. Of course, no one can have everything under control, but he's pretty darn close. And it's nice how he's kind of taking Rudi under his wing even though he's not his mentor.

Oh good, so it wasn't Simon after all. I was so scared that he was going to turn out to be a bad guy and was actually trying to hurt Vinnia instead of trying to keep her from getting hurt.

Vinnia seems to have calmed down a lot since the incident with Simon. I'm not sure if she's just finally settling into things or if what happened to her affected her in dome way. I guess I'll find out later, huh?

Like I've said before, this is all getting quite interesting. There is so much else going on here besides just the kids going to school. And I'm really into it. I mean, everything going on with Simon and Axel and the prince dying? All things I'm looking forward to finding out more about.

I do have to voice my concerns about the kids' ages though. I was ready to believe you in the beginning that they were seven and nine years old, but now I'm not so sure. Everything that's been happening, especially with Rudi and Vinnia, seems to be something a seven and nine year old couldn't cope with. That's a really young age if you think about it. And the characters are acting much more mature for their age than they should. This is the last time I'm going to mention it because I think I've exhausted my point about it at this time. Just think about it.

Onto the next chapter!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Sun May 25, 2014 8:09 pm
Wolfi wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!
Fade copied me :(
Anyway, great chapter! Let's get started...

“Who’s there?” said Axel’s muffled voice.

The thing is, Axel's voice doesn't really say stuff. Axel does. (If that makes any sense.) Fade's correction is incorrect, also. It should be "Who's there?" Axel asked, his voice muffled.
That is all that I could find nitpick-wise!
Here are some things I love about this book:
-The character names: Axel, Vinnia, Rudi, and even Simon are really nice names!
-Descriptions (Viennia's green wings, especially)
-Dialogue (Nearly flawless)
I could go on for much longer, but let me just say your book is amazing! There's more magic in it than I had previously thought, and it's cool magic! The whole palm-writing is very neat, and it must be fabulous to be able to sprout wings and fly when you need to get somewhere.
Excellent job!




Ventomology says...


Yeah... I'm gonna fix that 'said/asked' thing now. Thanks for reviewing me again!



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Sun May 25, 2014 7:47 pm
Niraco wrote a review...



Hello and happy review day! Now I have't read the other chapters in this novel so please bare with me as I struggle to totally understand and review this chapter. Let's get to it shall we?

“Who’s there?” said Axel’s muffled voice.

Put ‘asked’ instead of ‘said’ since it is a question.

Rudi did that, slowly creaking open the door to Axel’s room. It was much homier than Rudi’s could ever be, filled with trinkets and miscellaneous furniture. Paper and books were haphazardly left on all surfaces, Axel’s bed included.

I felt that you could have described this a little more. What other objects are in his room? Perhaps you could use all five sense to described the room. Does it smell nice? Is there anything that feels soft to the touch? Just something I noticed when I read this.

“Well, the sharing transmutation is only a base. There are many variations that can be made: you can add an eye to the center to share visions from a telescenic spell, or an X to make the transmutation use the drawer’s magic, while sharing the spell.”
Appearing to understand, Vinnia nodded. Her eyebrows were peaked in thought. A question seemed to be balancing on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t want to ask it for some reason.
“Count,” Rudi said, scuffing his feet on the ground, “what do you do to simply perform a spell on someone else? So far, you’ve only taught me visualizations in relation to myself.”

I really liked the interactions between your characters. They all seem believable and that they all have in depth relationships. It is very enjoyable to read and your dialogue between the characters is spot on.

What I would say is use bigger and more colour ways to describe things. As I read this I thought that good metaphors and imagery in general were thin and bland at times.
“Calm down Vinnia,” Count Stephan said, smiling like a child about to spend money on sweets.

This was one of the better images as we get a sense of the character along with the look on his face.

Also you sometimes forget to put capital letters when a character starts to speak. The error is very mild and easy to miss.

All in all I enjoyed this piece despite there being some gaps in my knowledge. The characters seem very fleshed out. I also like the names some of your characters have. Some of their names are unusual and I really like seeing that in a novel. Sometimes names can represent a character as a whole.

This chapter was very enjoyable and I might have to go back and read the rest of this novel.




Ventomology says...


Thanks a lot! I'm getting a lot the 'go back and read' comment, so clearly I'm doing something right. And I'll fix those mistakes right away.
Thanks again!



Niraco says...


You're very welcome. Glad I could help.



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Sun May 25, 2014 7:02 pm
Fade wrote a review...



HAPPY REVIEW DAY

Hi there! Fade here to review <3

“Who’s there?” asked Axel’s muffled voice.


' Alten extremists '


C an you come down now?"


That's all I can criticize! You have a lot of potential and I hope to read more of your works soon!




Ventomology says...


Ack! Mistakes! I shall fix those right away. Thanks for the review!




I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25