there appears to be a glitch In YWS so the stanzas are not originally like this please bare with me the separation issues in this piece!
These scattered lies and pieces all around me
I'm missing the final piece to save me
As I search and strive I can't seem to find a way
I need to reach that girl I was yesterday
***
It's not because of the light I can't see it
I'm drawn closer and closer once again
I'm lost in a pool of confusion
I can't tell my right from left
***
It's hard to know if they will tell the truth
It's hard to sense their next move
Why can't I trust anyone?
I feel so lost
***
Please help me find who I was before!
***
If only we had the easy way out
We could stop with all the lies
And stand in the
Light of the day we haven't seen for so long
It kills me over time
If only I could just know the right answers!
***
Everything all around me is changing
I'm stuck in this endless day dream
But at least I have hope of waking in the right place
***
My destiny changes with one step
Who knows when I will see the same one again
Why can't I just hold on to one dream
And save myself?
***
is it too much to handle?
***
I just pray I catch myself when I fall
I will stand up and shake it off
As I move forward
Do I go on?
I believe in what the next day holds
So I look up to the sky
Quitting is not an option when it comes to me
***
please help me find who I was before!
Is it too much to handle?
I will find the answer
***
My mind is a mirror that reflects all the light
In the truths and the lies I hear
As I try to find my way
I hope and I pray
That I regain what it is I lost
Even though my chance is small
I still wish I just knew all the right answers!
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138,220 Literary Works • 672,084 Reviews
This was a very good poem, a very interesting topic i believe. I love the way you portrayed the issue by having alot of thoughts going through her mind, whilst it was basically empty since she can't remember anything. I like that you trapped her in this loop of repeated thoughts, "I'm stuck in this endless day dream." I would say that was one of my favourite bits. My only criticism is not to have too much repetition of the same concept so that it gets annoying, and to break up the first stanza like you did in the rest.
Sorry this is my first review so bear with.
Thank you! Well, as you can see I'm a bit new to poetry, I am more of a short story writer. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem!
Hey there! AlexSushiDog here to review this very interesting poem!
To start with I would like to say I am very impressed with the length the complex concept of this poem! Amnesia is quite an interesting topic to write a poem about and you pulled it off very well with some interesting imagery and metaphors!
My favourite bit is:
Although I think "pieces" could maybe be truths to match the rest of the poem and "reach" should be find as "reaching" means you know where it is and this girl does not know where her old self was. Therefore I think find is more applicable.
I also think maybe you could break it into more stanzas mostly in the first part (Lines 1-19). It's fine in the second I just find it odd how you break it up later but not earlier.
Overall, a very deep and interesting poem, well done!!
This is a very nice review with so much advice! Thank you! Much appreciated!