Young Writers Society

A sunrise quickly rolls forward into high noon and naked Lucas wakes up with an ache, a bruise and a filthy tasting cherry flavored mouth.
"Oh, you handsome devil."
Ada leans on the doorway entrance with a cup of blazing hot tea in her cold hands. She eyes Lucas with his bed head attire, his hair sticking at obtuse angles and so forth.
"What?" Lucas mumbles as he lifts his face from a saliva-stained pillow, his eye then became fully aware of the sudden brightness of the sun light.
"Shit, what time is it? ...where are my pants...my boss is going to pissed.” Bed head boy rushes around in erect posture, hastily searching for his suit.
Ada meanwhile still leans on the doorway and smiles broadly, "Silly boy, it's Sunday. You don't need to work today, Hun."
"It is?" Lucas distorts his face into one of disbelief. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure." Ada walks over and sits down next to naked Lucas, placing her cup on the nightstand.
"Oh, well...that's wonderful, absolutely brilliant. I think I'll call Otis and have lunch with him."
Ada watches Lucas, who is now covered in large white satin, and his matted hair askew everywhere.
"Lucas...I'm worried about you. I saw the empty medicine bottles from last night, what were you doing? Is there something I should know about?"
Covered in satin sheets, Lucas sat there blankly for a moment thinking it over, "...I was drunk last night and just utterly and amazingly tired. I had trouble sleeping so I took some cough medicine to make me go to sleep"
"You don't mean you were drunk off the cough medicine, do you though?"
"No, it was something else. I was just tired, can't you accept that?"
"Well, I suppose so, just promise me you won't do it again, will you promise, darling?" Ada looks into his eyes with a soft pleading look. Lucas looks to her and sees beyond her divine eyes, he lifts up his hand to touch her face and says, “I promise."

Otis and Lucas were sitting at the same local tavern of rural Detlene; they were discussing the usual things, sports, weather and stocks, the friendly casual things anyone would expect.
"Ha-ha. Yeah, I know what you mean, Lucas, I know what you mean." Otis had a sandwich in one hand and wiped his lip with the other.
"You, my friend, are fucking hilarious." Otis gave him a friendly slap on the back while Lucas only modestly smiled.
"No, Otis, I'm afraid you beat all with that night in '77 when we went woke up in Iceland after that party, you so foolishly dragged me into."
"Hah, foolishly, do you even remember what happened? Those were the days, man. Ah, the life of a bachelor..."
"I guess you're probably right." Lucas nervously gripped his glass of milk that he had ordered with his ham and cheese. Otis took a bite out his five kinds of meat sandwich and then looked over at Lucas, noticing that his eyes were wandering. Looking around for perhaps some blonde vixen, Otis noticed that what he thought Lucas was looking at did not exist.
"Anything wrong, pal?"
"No, no...well, I mean yes. Listen, Otis, I can trust you, right?"
Otis laughed in an obtuse manner, "Me? You question your ability to trust me, you're one and only friend since way back in '77 from Iceland? Of course you can trust me, Lucas; you oughta know that by now."
"Well..." Lucas looked around briefly at the now emptying tavern, “I have a shameful sin to confess, it deeply haunts me; it haunts me so much I drank cough medicine to get drunk."
Otis laughed out loud, hysterically, “You tried to get drunk off, cough medicine? Ha-ha, that's hilarious, if that's what you were worried about then don't worry, your secret is safe with me."
Otis continued to burst into laughter. Lucas meanwhile began to get annoyed, “Listen, Otis that is not the point. I...Twice yesterday I have been unfaithful. Well, technically not both yesterday. I went to the city you know that right? I spent the night, I went to a bar, I met a woman and things happened, she spent the night.
Lucas became quite for a moment to add unnecessary suspense.
“Well, to top that off, I was selling things; I was doing my job, right? Well, I came to a woman's house and she practically raped me in her living room. I don't know what to do, Otis, you've gotta help me. I can't hide it forever."
Otis sat silent briefly before saying anything, he looked down at the plain oak table and the wood marks of past customers as if searching for a response. Abruptly, his face lifted and exclaimed rather erratically, "Why you bloody son of a bitch, why the hell would you do that to Ada? You know how much she adores you, I've been with you guys through typhoons and monsoon seasons, why in the world would you go on and do something like that?"
"I don't know, I don't know. I have to stop, but I have to go back to the city again tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to fucking do." Lucas truly by then showed a sincere face of sorrowful expressions running out of his skin.
"Well, I don't know either, man but you've got to get this thing settled soon before I'm ever seen sitting with you."
With an air or arrogance and irritation by Lucas's actions, Otis left suddenly and left his share of the bill on the table as he left the tavern.
Lucas sat gloomily over the foreboding table, alone.

Ada had recently been avoiding the public eye recently ever since Lucas left town that one night and she had the unfortunate incident with Mrs. Robinson. Today, she did not step out into the public; rather she stepped outside into the lawn outside behind the house, away from watching eyes. Her bare feet soaked in the green grass. Sunlight shone onto the shadow of the house, and cool breeze lifted her brunette hair. She wanted to smile but even then with Lucas being so close yet so far away she felt alone and aborted from society. In someone else's eyes it might have also have been in the reverse. Even then, either way it was the same her mind had begun the wandering, searching for the single need of being accepted. Though it may have been an exaggeration there was something that she felt was missing and she hardly knew what is was.
Ada looks up at the crystal clear sky and soaks up paradise's legs spread just out of reach.

that was very good

. . . *exhales* . . . your writing style is so different from mine. So remember that when I'm critiquing.

Now let’s see . . . okay, first off, I must say I liked your story. It was different from what I usually encounter. However, there are a few things I'm going to recommend you change -

In your writing there were only three names, but those names were being said over and over and over again. Try changing some of the Ada's and Lucas's into pronouns.

There are also many repetitions of imagery. For example, it has been said and implied that Lucas was naked and that he had bed hair sticking in all directions. The reader already knows about these intricate details. There is no need to stick them back in.

It would be much easier to read if you placed about three spaces in front of each new paragraph.

As far as punctuation goes, I am not a person who likes ellipses used in stories. I found them annoying. If there is a truly urgent and dire need to use the triple periods, use a dash. There are also many run-on sentences in your story. Take out those commas and replace them with a period or a semicolon!

And there's one more thing I found:

you're one and only friend since way back in '77 from Iceland?

your one and only friend

Well, that's pretty much all I can find! Once again, good job on the story and plot. I hope my critic helped.