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Aryan was watching from the sidelines. “And you wonder why nobody wants to spar with you, Cat.”
I chuckled, in part from his comment, but mostly from how light I felt without the extra energy. I could fully control my emotions, now. “You’re just scared to get a few bruises.”
He raised an eyebrow. “More like a few broken bones. Phoenix be damned, how do you do that?”
“Just a little willpower mixed with emotions in the punch,” I said, still smiling. He might be a decent passive mage, but his offensive ability was severely lacking.
He just shook his head. “You’ve gotten more powerful.”
I paused finger-combing straw out of my hair for a moment. I was afraid of that… But before he could catch on I’d paused, I simply shrugged. “Magic just grows. No other way to put it.” So long as my control grows with it, I’ll be fine.
Not wanting to linger on this topic for much longer, I turned around and began jogging to back into the palace.
“Where’re you going?”
I turned around and slowed to a walk. “Ranya’s rooms!”
He shrugged and walked in the other direction, knowing his place was just outside the inner rooms.
Pain began permeating my fisted hand as I trotted to her rooms. I’d put all my force and most of my magic into that single punch— I hadn’t done that in a long time. I hadn’t needed to. Releasing magic so completely was a last resort for working through emotions.
And I hadn’t been able to explode a punching dummy the last time.
Lais would’ve said it’s normal and so long as I could still control my powers normally, the odd outburst was to be expected and not feared.
You’ve only had your powers seven years, I told myself. You can’t expect stability until you’re twenty, at least.
I’d heard rumours of twenty-five. Which meant another five to ten years of possible sudden growth spurts in my magic.
I tried not to grumble every time I thought of that.
Thinking did lead me right to the hall in front of Ranya’s rooms. I’d picked up her stress from about thirty feet out— thanks to being connected by blood, I could sense her emotions more easily. It did mean I had more energy to feel. I would have to, this time.
Her magic responded to my presence; a small amount of joy, like always, with a prompting to come. But that was as far as her magic went. She’d had less training than I did, even though she was three years older. According to our parents, women who would eventually live at the palace had no place learning magic. And without training, she’d never have to worry about her magic getting too powerful. Which was exactly what the most powerful men in the country wanted: somebody who needed protection.
I clenched my now-bruised hand. Any excuse to drive my magic inward and direct it away from a tidal wave of grief about to overwhelm me, even though a single bruise was nothing new. The control required to heal my bruise faster calmed me down again.
I was supposed to be the one protecting her. But a noblewoman mage good enough to track a poison back to its source had no place in the palace. That’s what men were for, there.
Ranya’s door was already open as she shooed the last servant out— for now. She’d been organizing for this move for a solid month. Every item of her life had to be put away, from mementos to her sketching and poetry to spare bedsheets. Some of it was already sent, so her rooms would be ready when she arrived, travel-weary, at the palace.
I’d managed to avoid any packing rush by insisting on traveling with most of my possessions. As I began guessing about where I’d end up, it had helped keep Ranya calm about why I wasn’t packing. But I couldn’t keep her calm anymore.
“Thank the Phoenix you’re here,” she said, pushing her dark hair back. “I need to sort away more of my wardrobe to be sent early, so I don’t get asked about what goes in which shipment again!”
I chuckled. My sister’s wardrobe, including shoes, scarves and jewelry, would need a closet the size of some farm houses in the palace. “Want some help?”
Her smile was the only answer I needed. I’d miss it most.
“I’m sure you’ll love it at the palace,” I said. It was just willpower keeping my voice even. Monotone. “You’ll be a wonderful empress and mother some day.”
She was looking at a table covered with jewels and scarves from her closet. Mostly rubies set in gold, to show she was still Shira, with the scarves being of various weights. She’d need a minimum amount of both for travel, but what defined ‘minimum amount’ was very flexible when she’d be traveling from the mountains to Central Kemmer. The heat would steadily increase, with no prediction as to how she’d react. And what would be needed immediately upon arrival at the palace still needed to be predicted. I could help keep her balanced a little, or at least try, if I were there, but…
“Thank you,” she said almost as an afterthought. “And you’ll—” Ranya cut herself off as I let the ward around my sadness slip. I couldn’t hide it anymore.
It was easier to keep my back to her. “I talked to Mother and Father just now. You know how our family can be, each branch wanting more power. How difficult it is to protect against them.” I quirked a bit of a smile; we both knew why I was so good at tracking magic. “They… want me to stay here. Protect those near Father. You— you’ll be well protected at the palace. And on the trip. I’d be useless.”
“No,” she whispered, coming up. Her grip on my shoulders was almost tight enough to hurt. I tensed my muscles to try and loosen her grip, only to have her squeeze more. “No, no no. They can’t. Cat, look at me.”
I closed my eyes and kept my head down. I had to relax to speak. Her nails were starting to dig in. “What’s the point if all you’ll see is tears?”
She forced my head up, knowing full well I’d reflexively open my eyes. Letting her search them. My old teacher had taught me the importance of keeping eye contact, because it was easier to find intention with open eyes. Blurry vision was better than none.
My throat tightened. I’d already lost him to the capital city. Now I was about to lose her.
She shook her head, still not breaking eye contact. “It’s just a ten day ride. You’d be able to come. Not often, but sometimes.”
‘Just’ a ten day ride? I wanted to snap back. But I couldn’t. There was hope burning within her, helping to muffle the cracked shock both of us felt, that our family would calm down for long enough to allow me some time away so I could visit. I latched onto that feeling, absorbing it into my own emotions. I doubted she’d be able to visit her family. Once she was married, the Tijals would be her family. Not us. Not me.
She hugged me, but there was no warmth in the movement. Tears began to run down my temple as the corner of her eye pressed against my forehead. I hugged her back, the same coldness in my movements.
Her magic opened itself to mine in its entirety— she’d always had the strongest wards of all our family, making her the easiest to be around— reforming the whirlpool of grief in my chest that was only bearable because of her arms around me and our shared emotions. This. This was the closest I could ever be to anybody, with no wards between our blood-tied emotions and only physical touch keeping either of us from losing ourselves completely.
While my mind processed everything it could, I just focused on remembering her. From her magic to her smell to the way she always managed to be a bit taller than me and let me rest my head against her shoulder so I could burry my face in her hair.
Servants came back into the room. They didn’t even need a command to leave us alone.
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