Only, instead of Fate deciding, it was my parents.
I waited by the door to their private rooms, trying to hear anything through the sound ward. My magic fought against the cold, solid surface to try and find a crack I could exploit, but the ward was perfectly smooth. I couldn’t even get impressions of the conversation going on behind, driving my fingers into the physical wall I was leaning against. I was glad it was limestone and not wood trim or the door.
Frustration would drive my magic to take chips out of any surface it could. Thankfully, I wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to take chips out of stone.
It’s not like I needed to know the exact words. With my sister moving to get married, they’d been debating whether or not I would accompany her for protection. It should be my duty to protect the most important heir from harm, as the family’s bodyguard. I had been protecting her almost exclusively the past three years.
But with a recent assassination attempt on my uncle— poison, in his usual midmorning tea. I’d stopped him from drinking and found who ordered the attack— they were wondering if I wasn’t more useful here.
The thought of leaving her made me want to punch something.
Only after I’d been reduced to pacing the waiting room, to use up extra energy in the hopes I wouldn’t punch something without reason, the ward cracked just enough to let me hear a bell.
That was normally the servant’s summoning.
I did not like the sounds of that.
Behind the door I could see my parents’ profiles as they sat behind the desk. The desk never faced the door in reception rooms, to allow for as much control over somebody entering as possible. But there were no servants or guards when I entered the room, while they were usually there to ensure my parents’ safety. That was my job. I was the only one they completely trusted to keep the family safe.
They weren’t even standing to greet me. They only did this when they knew which side I stood on an issue, and planned to take the opposite side.
I didn’t bother hiding a curled lip as I stalked in.
“Kerani,” my father began.
I leaned against the back of the chair. “Just tell me.”
Both of them stood to be taller than me, my father’s hands slamming down on the desk. “You will sit down to show the proper respect to your parents.”
There was no answer to that. They outranked me in age, status, and power— and could do whatever they wanted. They owed me no respect, while I owed them all of mine.
But with my magic boiling under my skin, causing a very uncomfortable fire in my ribcage, I did not want to break anything. Inside, at least.
Despite my best efforts, or maybe in an attempt to calm me down, my magic began flowing along the chair I was leaning on. It completely saturated the stained wood, but I forced it to keep flowing down and not crack the wood— now that my magic had begun dissipating, it would be very difficult to stop it. Better to try to control the dissipation.
I could still feel a crack begin to form at their continued prompting that I sit down. Anger fueling anger. Theirs that I was disrespecting them, mine that this meeting was drawing out any longer than necessary.
My mother’s eyes widened. Most people believed I got my magic from her. She put her hand on my father’s arm to calm him and said, “You are required to stay behind when Ranya leaves for he capital.”
Even expecting that news, I couldn’t stop my hand from tightening around the back of the chair. I just barely managed to keep my magic in check by looking away and letting the fire of anger be replaced by shock— total numbness. Frozen.
The lacquer on their chair became crackled.
My father inhaled. There was more to say, more to determine, more to clarify… but my shock was melting. This was another state where control was difficult to achieve. Only, instead of going outward, my magic was twisting on itself in confusion. I would need to discharge emotions later, to regain a balance. I had simply bought myself more time before I had to.
Magic was beginning to overwhelm my senses. I could only feel. There was no shivering from cold and no tears. Outside impressions were beginning to drop away.
Thank the Phoenix my father prompted me with an intention to speak long before he said, “Do you wish to tell her the news, or should we send a servant?”
“Let me,” I said, not managing to keep my voice even. Without another word I turned and walked towards the door. I was in no mood to back out of the room.
“You are dismissed,” Mother said with a small amount of sympathy.
I stopped and turned my head slightly, looking at the floor while still letting them hear my voice. “Thank you.”
Walking away just reminded me that I would be summoned again, even though I could recite the reasoning in my sleep. Leaders of the province couldn’t hold a large enough army to overthrow the Emperor by law. But it always left us under protected because one standard guard could only do so much. It made bodyguards, especially those who were magically inclined, a necessity. It made me a necessity.
Anger again. That damn law. It was burning cold, forcing me to stop in an empty hallway and make sure there were no people around. Their energy, regardless of what emotion they were feeling, would just send my emotions into more conflict.
I wanted to be alone. And I knew exactly where to go.
Even in the cavernous stone halls, I didn’t make any sound. My teacher had drilled it into his students’ heads that a loud guard was a dead one. Even though most halls and secret passages were lined with carpet— both to dull footsteps and to keep sometimes freezing stone off bare feet— these were left bare. They’d been designed as dead space between an inner training yard and the Rajput’s most private rooms. It gave guards more time to react should an assassin make it this deep in the palace.
It always felt of total emptiness, these halls. Even over the centuries this palace had been built, and these halls barely renovated, there was no emotion caught in the stone. Those who’d been killed expected their death, and those who killed just followed their duty.
Sometimes, if I concentrated, I could feel the bitter tang of disappointment at being caught in the back of my throat. But mixed with it was the satisfaction of being killed by a worthy opponent in the center of my tongue, like sweet almond paste.
I didn’t concentrate today. Not on emotions, at least. Without the oppressing overtones of humans, I could feel the earth and air around me. If I closed my eyes, it felt like this hall was a cave— the ceilings arched above me at least fifteen feet, with guard alcoves so randomly placed it was easy to assume they were natural.
Knots in my chest began to loosen as the land’s magic absorbed my emotions, quenching my anger and pulling the tides of grief apart at the seams. I leaned against the smooth stone, smiling and keeping my eyes closed as I lost myself here yet again. Emotions released without any event to ground them in never stayed. Just releasing emotions never had an impact.
A few minutes later, I was able to pull back without feeling like I was about to lose control. The first thing I became aware of was the itch of somebody watching me from behind.
I sighed. “How long have you been here?”
Aryan, one of the guards I had trained with years ago, pushed himself off from the wall. “Long enough.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Okay then, a better question might be how long I was out.”
I could sense the teasing that came with one of his lopsided grins. But it was touched with cool sadness. “An hour or two.”
“’Or two’?” I repeated, looking at him over my shoulder.
He nodded. “It was awhile.”
Aryan waited for me to answer his implied question of what happened. Curiosity always felt like I’d had strong tea and was feeling the effects— more energy. Whether or not that was a good thing depended on the situation, and this was leaning towards ‘not good.’
I decided my legs should move after so long of being stationary, and shifted so my back was against the wall. It was harder to move than I was willing to admit. At least the pain directed some of that extra energy, and therefore magic, to healing. “Parents pulled me into a conversation.”
More magical prompting. I exhaled and leaned my head back against the stone. “I’m staying here when Ranya goes to the palace.”
He felt a stab of grief for me, externally wincing. Despite receiving slightly-faded impressions of his pain, I gave him a crooked smile and looked at him out of the corner of my eye. “Since when does one of Lias’ students wince at hearing bad news?”
He chuckled weakly, going to cover his stronger emotions. The ward wasn’t perfect— I could still feel some of them— but it was something. “Since I didn’t get enough lessons.”
That brought back memories. I stared up at the ceiling and hooked my thumbs on my dagger belt. “Nobody did, really…”
He’d left too soon, my parents saying his students’ training was completed enough. And since his guards had always been the best, most of them had been sent out for bandit work. Only a few of us were left at the palace.
After awhile, I looked at Aryan. “Weren’t you on your rounds?”
He chuckled in his throat. “I passed the round off to somebody else.”
I tried to hold back a hiss of disproval, quelling it down to an intake of breath. “You know how my parents are! They hate me talking to guards unsupervised.”
“Oh come on,” he said, taking a step forward. “Would they really mess with you when you’re in this mood?”
I blinked and glared at him. His raised eyebrow and not-quite-innocent half grin very clearly said ‘I’m right and you know it.’
I shook my head and pushed myself off the wall. “At least they know what’s good for them.”
He grimaced. “I’m sure.”
I began walking down the halls, towards the inner training yards. Aryan jogged a few steps to keep up with me. “You’re alright?”
“I’m thinking,” I muttered back.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
I pushed my lips to the side. He was half exasperated, half worried. I didn’t stay unstable unless it was something major, but none of my male training partners ever got this unstable in the first place.
The training yard was a welcome distraction. The scuffle-laden yard had just enough dust to mildly cushion blows, but wouldn’t let us sink unless it was early spring and the snow had been heavy.
I didn’t even give Aryan a warning before walking straight to ‘my’ corner of the yard. It was reserved for mages, but I used it the most often. I stopped in front of a punching dummy, raised my fist to my hip, and closed my eyes.
The next instant, there was a loud thump as my fist met wood. Straw from the now-empty dummy fell like snow. That was probably going to bruise tomorrow, from the force I’d added with my magic.
And that was why I hated it when my parents took too long to get to the point.
Spoiler! :
. In any case, we all make mistakes once and awhile. I make them like crazy. Just thought I'd point it out for you, though!
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