[This story is REALLY old. The formatting is terrible, the grammar is terrible, and the overall premise is terrible, yet I am still ridiculously proud of my creation. I know there is a lot that can be done to improve this, and no, this is not an indication of my writing talent (I'm much worse than this).]
Enjoy! Or something...
Emperor Dog was a dog who was raised by the Imperial Japanese Navy. He was a Russian Dog abandoned from his family and set afloat in a box. The Japanese found him and took care of him. A huge windstorm in Antarctica blew penguins all over the Earth, and one of these penguins happened to be heading towards the Japanese carrier Akagi, and straight for Dog. The penguin was an Emperor penguin. The penguin and Dog collided and morphed together. Emperor Dog was born.
Emperor Dog waited for the sailors to get up. It was 4 a.m. “Mr. Sailor mans, will you wake up please?” The sailors grumbled. He left them alone. Emperor Dog thought to himself, ’Maybe the sailor mans will wakes ups if I yells on the intercoms. Yes I wills do that’s. I like the talking to myself, I mights do it more oftens’
ED walked up to the intercom and screamed “Mr. Japanese sailor mans, wakes up, the Americans are comings!”
The Japanese jumped to their stations, but no one was there. They all grumbled back to their bunks and were soon fast asleep.
‘The sailors are fast back asleep . My plans were faileded. I shall devise another plans and it wills never fail! I will takes the fighter pilots mans planes and air moves it to American peoples floaty ships and tell them to attack Mr. Sailor mans to really makes them all wakes up so I can say happy hellos to alls of them!’
Emperor Dog took the fighter plane and flew to the carrier Enterprise. When he landed he walked right into the bridge and up to General Big Man of the U.S. Army.
Emperor dog walked up to him and asked “Will you and you big diving bombers please attack the Akagis and the Japanese ship club please?”
“Yeah, we will, we were going to anyway. You want the Sailor mans to wakes up don’t you?”
“Yes, very muches Mr. Doctor General Big Mans, now I cans love my sailors while they ares awake.’
He then flew back to the Akagi and waited for the Americans to come but they took what seemed like foreverness, but they finally arrived at the Carrier and bombed them. It was 6:30 a.m. “Mr. Sailor mans the Americans are actuals here, gets to your big boomy things so you can sends them to the fiery depthsness of Candylands.”
Emperor Dog saw them on their guns and tried to find an empty one. He found one at the very tip of the ship and got on it. ’Am I talkings to myself and no ones elses? Good, I’m going to watch the Sailor mans and shoot the Americans to the fiery depths of Landycand- I means Candylands.’
ED pulled a lever and It fired the gun. “Quebec, Quebec, Quebec!” ED screamed.
One of the sailors walked over to him and said, “You silly little penguin-canine mishap, it is Tora, Tora, Tora.”
“Whatevers, Mr. Sailor Man, I will dos it.” Emperor Dog said.
Emperor Dog started shooting at them and one of the American fighter pilots talked about him. “Ha, look at that stupid gunner in the front he must be cross-eyed. He must be blind.”
Another one said “He must be CRAYYZAYY!”
“Was that really necessary?”
The same Sailor from last time came over again, but this timed he looked mad.
“Mr. Emperor Dog, you must hit all the Americans you can’t just shoot you stupid little, beanie baby thing.”
“Ok.” ED replied.
Soon a man walked next to ED, and said “Hi, my name’s Jim. What’s yours?”
“My name is Emperor Dog, what is yours?”
“Hi, my name’s Jim what’s yours?”
“My name is Emperor Dog, what is yours?’
“Hi, my name’s Jim what’s yours?”
“My name is Emperor Dog, and Is goings to taking a wilderness guess. You name is Jimmothy?”
“Dang tootin’, you done got that right, right there!”
“Mr. I wills have to talk to you later, these Americans are trying to run away bulletes.”
“See ya’ round the beehive ED.”
“Yes, oh and where is this ‘hivenessing of yellow neckers?”
“Uh, I never gonna don't know how ever ain't gonna will..”
“Well, see you later Willis.”
“It’s Jim.”
“Whatever, Caitlyn.”
Emperor Dog kept shooting (and missing) Americans. They all finally left because General Big Man told them it was ‘tea time’ and that they would make their country proud if they drank tea from 1485.
The Sailors wet to the exercise room after the battle and worked out. Emperor Dog followed.
They all grunted and screamed as they lifted their heavy loads, trying to get stronger for their next battle, some were at the bars talking, and Emperor Dog walked up to a group of sailors and listened.
“Did you see that stupid gunner on the Triple 25 out front? He was such an idiot.”
“Yeah, I know, I had to keep lecturing him.”
They all laughed.
‘They ares making funs of mes. I wills shows them what I can dos when I dedicates myselfs to the job like fried chicken to skinny woman thighs. And Then I wills order very large pepperoni pizza from Domino’s and not share it with anyone. Ha ha ha!’
He walked away from that group of sailors and came across another, and these guys were working out. He watched and watched until he finally thought ‘Yes, there is no way I can screw this up. I shall prove Captain Japan Boy proud and my onces homed motherland what I is capable of!’
He walked over to the dumbbell set and laid down, but he laid down the wrong way. He started humming as he was lifting, well, air, and the soldiers laughed.
“Ha, ha, ha. You are just stupid beanie baby toy thing, only reason you on ship is because Captain Japan Boy like you. You can’t lift air, you must lift the metal bar with the roundular things on it.”
“Whatever, Mr. other sailor man, I wills get my revenge on all you sailor mans when I go join the American shooty
peoples and they wills kills you alls! Sailors always making fun of Emperor Dog. I go go hide in toilet!”
Emperor Dog hid in the toilet for days, scheming a plan of how he would leave the ship. “When they are on missions I fly and land on there floaty thing and stay with them.”
He knew it would break Captain Japan Boys heart but he had to do it. So he left a note with an apology. It read:
Deer miztr jaapan Boi,
Ur salers r treetig meh badlie, so I ams leevng nd joyning Amirrycen shoiti pepls nd I wils bee akseptd nd hapi wit meh nu oners. I no I wils brake ur hart bot I haf 2 dou it. I wunt u 2 tel the salers guud redance nd to hve a hourebulle liff nd dat they cann rotss in a sac, bcuz thy treetid me vari meenly. I agen sai imm soury im duign thes bot I haf 2.
Ur faruwei frend,
Emperer Dawg
He took the plane along with his few belongings (A shoe-string, a Nambu pistol for protection, and his Share bear) and headed for General Big Man’s Carrier.
On the way there he accidentally sat on his Share bear’s hand it beeped, he knew what would happen next, Share bear said “Hi, I’m Share bear, I always like to share with my friends. This is a fun one, I’ll start ‘if your happy and you know clap your hands-’ The middle of the song was interrupted by gunfire and suddenly, Emperor Dog's plane was ablaze. Then he hit the water and Share bear said “Hi this is an emergency song to alert rescue officials, sing along with me! ‘If you're drowning and you know it clap your hands, if your suffocating and you know it clap your hands, If you’re dying and you know than your face’ll surely show it, if your dead and you know it clap your hands.’”
Emperor Dog screamed “ I got this!” Quicker than George Lopez could sue and got out of his plane.
2 hours later, as he approached the ship, 3 landing vehicles came over, picked him up, and took him to General Big Man's carrier. It was almost 2:30, the longest Emperor Dog ever stayed up.
He snuck into a room where American submariners were being briefed on their task. General Big Man was talking. “-make sure the Nerf Torpedoes hit the Akagi just right and our infantry will have Super Soaker Launchers at the ready. You are dismissed, make America proud, but don’t forget to keep up your pinky, it offends the ENEMY!”
GBM caught sight of Emperor Dog and asked him to come over, “Wanna ride on one of the landing vehicles, just hop on when you see one.”
“That is very niceness of you Mr.s General Doctor Big Man.”
When the subs finally made it to the Akagi, they fired the Nerf T-11 Torpedoes filled with Armor Piercing Mustard, and their new pumpless Atomic Super Soaker Bazooka’s and fired at the ship.
“Oh no, the Ship doesn’t have mustard resistant Armor!”
“I don’t have Insurance!”
“What’s the point of hotdogs if they use all their mustard for torpedoes.”
The sailors, sobbed, cried, and some soiled their pants.
“See, Emperor Dog keep promise sailors, I comed back and kills you alls. Ha Ha Ha!”
Then he saw Captain Japan Boy, and told him to climb on.
They took him prisoner and sent him back to General Big Man.
The General spoke “Now Captain Japan Boy, I wanna end this war and I wanna end it now, so lets make a bet. If you can beat me at a game of 4v4 Team Slayer on Halo 3, you can invade our homeland, but If I beat you I get to drop a big boomer on YOUR homeland, deal?”
“Deal.” The captain spoke. They both logged on Xbox Live and joined matchmaking. The generals teammates were serious, as for the captain, not so much. The game started on Valhalla and the Halo battle that ended WWII had begun.
The General took the first kill and screamed, “You ain't got no pancake mix!” They fought and fought until it was down to the last kill to take the win. Captain fired on one of General's teammates, but General assassinated captain as he shot XxpwnerxX41. General Big Man ordered that two weeks later they dropped the two atomic bombs, and he did.
When the war was over they went back home to America where scientist worked to help separate the Dog-penguin organism into 2. On May 1st 1946, they were separated, and Emperor Dog became, Lucky and belonged to the Remington family, while the Emperor penguin held a super wild dance party in Antarctica. I would know. I was invited.
