Lust

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When he walks down the hall I stop and inhale, his scent. It is old spice and locker rooms and the clean cotton of his shirt. Today it’s blue.
He smiles at me, a wide smile with all of his teeth exposed, crinkling his brown eyes all fringed with gold. He has long, caramel eyelashes and freckles on his nose.

Guilt is a beast like a bat with mother’s eyes,

In math his hands spell out his frustrations. I watch them grip his pencil, stiffen, relax. I watch them walk around his desk, flip on their back, curl in and out of fists. His fingernails are bitten down; the fingers thick and square. Hands like a child’s, like my father’s.

It is , it is love. It isn’t love at all.

We were at the beach. The wind was silent, the sun loud. Laughing nervously, he kicked off his , peeled off his shirt. All of his white, freckled body exposed. His calves were long and sinewy. Embarrassed about his white chest, his freckles, he ran into the water until it covered him in a blanket of foamy waves.
By the end of the day he was red, his flesh hot and tender. I rubbed alovera on his back with sweaty palms, took a beach towel and gently, gently, brushed sand off his sunburned calves.

He is beautiful and I want to, I want to

They lock the doors to the gymn at eight thirty; we arrived at eight thirty five. I threw my corsage to the ground is disgust, fuck the prom. At a local dine-in, the waitress clucked in dismay at our story. She set a bombox on the table and we danced to rock ballads, hands slipping down, down. Adjusted back to the shoulders, squeezing too tight. Songs have a way of ending too soon. His house was close, he said. And empty.

“take this and eat it; this is my body.”

His skin was soft, perfumed with sweat and his body was solid, enveloping. His hands were like fire, then ice and when I kicked my dress to the floor (scratchy, hateful thing) they seemed to fall on me like waves. My skin puckered and tingled beneath him.
I was sighing, then screaming. A tempest of desire.
It felt like a present long denied. It felt like his heart pumped my blood.
He was lean, like meat in strung up in a butcher’s shop. I exhaled quivering gratification beneath him.

Suck me dry leave me numb leave me sweat soaked

He held my face in those clumsy hands and said nonsense words. Laughter was inappropriate and impossible to contain: dandelion seeds scattered in the wind. He looked like a slapped child, like a wilted flower, but the animal had made a feast of his flesh and slunk away victorious. It was over, and I shrugged him off like a winter thought in spring.
Last edited by empressoftheuniverse on Tue Aug 02, 2011 5:29 am, edited 3 times in total.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart.
*Le Bible
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This is beautiful! This is an excellent poem, which lives up to it's name. It is, to me, a poem chronicling the effects of lust on the individual, and you have used a range of descriptive techniques to convey this message. Your poems are always fantastic, so no point of being surprised, but I am! It's a lovely little thing that shines on it's own creativity. Well done indeed.




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Honestly there is nothing to judge here. It was an amazingly well written poem. It conveyed lust in..a graphic manner and made the reader keep reading. If the title were not lust, I would not have thought this be the ending. And maybe you wanted that? Either way. it was an amazing poem that I enjoyed a lot.
The imagery was priceless, and the emotions were wild. You felt them as you kept reading, the want the desire of the person.
I really liked it and there is nothing I can say to make it better because I was very happy with what was written here. It was a beautiful piece. And although others might say there are flaws, you wouldn't have a good poem without flaws. Anyway, it was amazing and I enjoyed it.
Writing is where I can get away...




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Empress, this is a fantastic piece.
Two minor things caught my attention.
1. The very first line stands aside. Probably a kick-off line which helped you gather momentum, a grain around which ice crystals take form, but which in itself does not belong. So, I'd either cut it or upgrade it to a long poem name.
2. The clumsy hands and the nonsensical words don't really need 'those' and 'some'
Desire slunk away victorious is awesome. The whole imagery is awesome. You're awesome.

When around the end he becomes a side of beef, I realized that gender reverse objectification is rearing its androgynous head. When he had been used up 'discarded' this was confirmed. The poetic vagueness allows the woman in this story to be a medium, a channeler of archaic primordial forces which use the two bodies in their supra-individual games and them leave them, moving on to the next carriers. That' lust all right, in the full sense of the word. The demonic sea outside the individual Self which we all want to access in order to experience this monstrous relief.




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Hello,
Thanks for requesting a review; I am finally here!

For one thing, when I first looked at it all I saw was a big block of text, and honestly, I didn't want to read it. Maybe make it a little easier on the eyes, so that readers will want to read the content, and not be afraid of the length ot blocky text.
Other than that, I really liked all the imagery and emotions that come along with this poem. You did a fantastic job. if you have any questions or need another review, feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

Who needs a review? :) http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic38078.html




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I don't see this as being a poem, perhaps you should put this in short stories or something.



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Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
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