Did You Know, My Dear?

Spoiler

Help!

Your hair
is messy
like confused rain.
It drives me mad
as water in my ears would.

Your eyes
are frightening
as thunder roaring angrily.
They pierce me
as lighting in a storm would.

The rest of the planet
shys away at that gaze,
terrified,
but did you know, my dear?

I love to dance in the rain.


Your voice
is raspy
like dead leaves in the fall.
It scratches my skin
as a brittle, bare tree branch would.

Your touch
is cold
as the expectation of snow.
It sends a shiver
as a bitter autumn wind would.

The rest of the world
recoils at that touch,
disgusted,
but did you know, my dear?

Autumn is my favorite season.


Your hand
is not soft
but rather hard and rough.
Yet it holds mine gently
as the damp atmosphere.

Your face
is not beautiful
like people think it should be.
Yet it smiles at me
as a kind friend would.

The rest of the earth
turns away at that face,
horrified,
but did you know, my dear?

I love you anyways.

Your hair
(Is messy
(L)ike confused rain.
It drives me mad as
(W)ater in my ears would.

Each line needs to start with a capital letter. To be honest I'm not too sure about the rain simile. It's up to you but, I don't know it just doesn't seem right to me...

Your eyes
(A)re frightening
(A)s thunder roaring angrily.
They pierce me as
(L)ighting in a storm would.

(Clap) Bravo, I absolutely love this stanza!

The rest of the planet
(S)hies away at that gaze,
(T)errified,
(B)ut did you know, my dear?

I love to dance in the rain.

This is yet another brilliant stanza!

Your voice
(I)s raspy
(L)ike dead leaves in the fall.
It scratches my skin as
(A) brittle, bare tree branch would.

Interesting imagery.

Your touch
(I)s cold
(A)s the expectation of snow.
It sends a shiver as
(A) bitter autumn wind would.

You may want to change it to 'A bitter winter wind would.' Just thinking because of the snow. (Mind you it depends where you live...)

The rest of the world
(Recoils at that touch,
(D)isgusted,
(B)ut did you know, my dear?

Autumn is my favorite season.

Very nice ending. If you want your poem to focus on the season of Autumn I'd change the snow to fog...

Your hand
(I)s not soft
(B)ut rather hard and rough.
Yet it holds mine gently as
(T)he damp atmosphere.

Nice- well done! (Don't be patroising, don't be patronising, don't be patronising...)

Your face
(I)s not beautiful
(L)ike people think it should be.
Yet it smiles at me as
(A) kind friend would.

Nice!

The rest of the earth
(T)urns away at that face,
(H)orrified,
(B)ut did you know, my dear?

I love you anyways.

Ah, I love you too!
Erhm- anyway! Seriously, this is a poem with a lot of potential! All I would focus on is making sure that you keep in the theme of Autumn and possibly change the simile of the first stanza...
Happy writing! x

This is really great and it reminded me a lot of beastly, where the girl loves the guy no matter what other people think. I thought it was bueatiful and touching.

Hello, I am going to review your poetry.
RED- corrections/opinions/errors etc.

Your hair
is messy
like confused rain.
It drives me mad as
water in my ears would. i think 'as' should be on the bottom verse

Your eyes
are frightening
as thunder roaring angrily.
They pierce me as
lighting in a storm would. again the 'as.' although i do like your adjectives.

The rest of the planet
shies away at that gaze,
terrified,
but did you know, my dear?

I love to dance in the rain.


Your voice
is raspy
like dead leaves in the fall.
It scratches my skin as
a brittle, bare tree branch would.

Your touch
is cold
as the expectation of snow.
It sends a shiver as
a bitter autumn wind would. 'as' again.

The rest of the world
recoils at that touch,
disgusted,
but did you know, my dear?

Autumn is my favorite season.


Your hand
is not soft
but rather hard and rough.
Yet it holds mine gently as
the damp atmosphere.

Your face
is not beautiful
like people think it should be.
Yet it smiles at me as
a kind friend would.

The rest of the earth
turns away at that face,
horrified,
but did you know, my dear?

I love you anyways

I did actually like this poem. The descriptions and adjectives really made this poem what it is. Well done really!

Good Job, I hope your peoms in the future are as good as this, although improve from the corrections i have made


,writingaway

I think it's a brilliant idea that you executed fairly well. There were some little nitpicks here and there, but the previous comments have covered pretty much all of them, so I have nothing to complain about.

Hello,
Thank you for asking for a review! I'm a bit late, but better than never. I absolutely love this poem and it's originality! Always capitalize the first letter in every line of a poem, but I think a few reviewers have already pointed that out.

as water in my ears would.

For some reason I felt as though this line didn't flow as well with the rest of the poem.

shies away at that gaze

Shies should be shys*

as the damp atmosphere.

The word should should be added after the word atmosphere.

The meaning of this is so beautifully written. What I got out of it is loving what everyone else thinks is unloveable. thank you for asking for a review. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany

Hellie Halloue again!

This poem was quite amazing, great imagery and the content was so sweet and beautiful!
I loved the structure, but you could work on your punctuation.
Also.. most of your stanzas was built in the same way, and I liked that.. but then this one;

The rest of the planets
hys away at that gaze,
terrified,
but did you know, my dear? ( I don't like that you wrote this stanza different than the others.. In my opinion you should either eraze it completely or rewrite it so it fits the others)

Overall though I L O V E;d it!

Good Luck & Keep Writing