Young Writers Society

A crème-white canvas,
interweaving fibers
an unstained blanket.
The knife calls you,
stained in blue
reminiscent of your 'Waves.'
But you turn away
cutting those strings,
to lift the brush
fine haired, invisible
but for its golden sheen.
Quivering,
a dip in crimson
you place a point.
And another
and another
until the red dots speak to you,
your story.


~
Why do I keep trying out poetry?

Lava wrote:The knife calls you,
stained in blue
reminiscent of your 'Waves.'
But you turn away
cutting those strings,

This is the only part I don't understand, Lavs. I can get it that the poem is about that painting method, but this part confuses me.
I understood the lines about the canvas, and about the brush and red dots, but the knife and blue just bamboozle me.
Is "Waves" capitalized and put in quotation marks for a reason? 'Cuz, Waves are kinda like female soldiers.
Nevermind.
It rocks. Not sure what it means, and I haven't got much advice, but you did good, Lavi.

Why do I keep trying out poetry?

Because you have so, so much potential.

Okay, Lava, so let's get started.

First point: your diction is wonderful. Really, really wonderful. However, I'd really like to see some more figurative language in here. Right now, most of this is telling, but what about allusions to things that we can relate to, in order for the emotion to blossom as well? Most of your imagery lies in description, as in adjective-driven description. This is good, but I'd really like to see some metaphors or similes or... something. I think that it would add quite a bit.

Next point: enjambment. I think that for the majority of the poem, you've hit it on the head. However, there were a few little parts that felt a bit awkward. You might just take a quick look at those and see if you can play with them a bit more in order to keep them smoother.

Overall, though, this was lovely. Maybe work on the rhythm a bit, inside and outside from your enjambment, keep the lovely language, and incorporate some figurative language and I think that you will be well on your way. Let me know if you have any questions or anything. c:

Don't worry about this one being bogged down with reviews ;D Poetical reviews are the most enjoyable kinds to write, I find!

So Walker here, as requested, with a dreamy review for you ;D (yes, corny, but I thought it sounded cool in my head?).

And might I start with you keep trying poetry cause, like myself, you are inexplicably drawn to it ;D. Unlike myself, though, you appear to have some form of talent!

Lets start this one off with a compliment, seeing as I generally liked this poem. I love the fact that its short with choppy lines! Theres something really cool about a poem that doesn't need much to get its point across! Take Frost's Fire and Ice, for example. Its short, sweet, and to the point, but most of all, its loved and known by many and has been quoted in Literature and fluff fiction *cough* I know, ew twilight *cough* alike. So good on you for that one!

But, as everything can be worked upon, I'll give you an honest enough spotlight on what I think could have been improved!

Firstly, you have some very strong, very interesting lines. Lines that only need two or three words to show the reader exactly what you are wanting to portray. I adore that about this piece. In other sections, though, I found it hard to really enjoy the word choices you used. For example;

reminiscent of your 'Waves.'

I'm sure you were trying to connect this back to a certain master, maybe? One that works with landscapesque images? Initially I pictured this to be about Van Gogh just because of the intense blue in which you spoke of, but then it drifted off to a more Seurat stylization, simply because of the ideology of pointillism! I'm trying to piece this part into the poem a little better but finding it hard to see the need in it at all. In fact, this line might be my least favourite in the poem because of how little it has to do with the concept you put forth. This is lovely in every sense of the term, but when you add in lines that have very little to no meaning whatsoever to the poem, it will take away from the overall. You want to give the entirety of this your all! So lets try to shape our thoughts into position instead of getting carried away with them ;D.

Secondly, maybe stick to the same colour? I love how you start off with this depressing image of blue and knives. Colour, often enough, can change the entire atmosphere of a poem. You jump from the deep blue, like water, to a vivid crimson which directs my thoughts to an angrier time. So think of how colour works. Think of the inspiration and wheres its coming from within you, then take the colours you think would really help tone this up!

I personally enjoyed this quite a bit! It was interesting and the language of which you used just slayed me. Words, as writers, are our best tools! Thanks for a good read ;D.
~Walker