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Confessions of A COA (edited)



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Tue Mar 01, 2011 6:13 am
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OverEasy says...



Enabler: one that enables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior.

Thank you Webbster, for making such a term so easy to comprehend.

There it is, in black and white, that which I hate most about myself. My inability to utter a simple, “no” no matter the circumstance.

At 20 years old, I am an enabler. Where would one as young as myself learn such behavior?

By being raised by an alcoholic, of course.

There’s even an acronym for people from my… situation. COA; Children of Alcoholics.

We have our very own organizations and meetings… almost like it’s us that have a disease.

Maybe we do.

We learn from a young age that it is common to watch mommy drink so much that suddenly she’s sleeping, bottle of amber liquid nearly empty by the bed. It is normal. How could it not be? It has happened all our lives.

Nobody in polite society talks about this though.

Oh, that is so sad about that Martha’s mother, did you hear? She’s stuck on the bottle.

Hushed whispers, best that Martha not hear it, of course.

It’s not like we don’t know.

We notice at some point, that suddenly our childhood friends aren’t allowed to visit our homes anymore. Eventually it sinks in that somehow, our home is different from the others.

It makes us bitter.

As we get older, we start to hear the whispers.

That husband of hers should do something, he really should.

Of course! It’s his fault, always his fault. Couldn’t be her fault, no, no, no, his fault. He didn’t tell her no. He didn’t rip it from her fingers. He didn’t STOP IT.

But then he did tell her no, ripped the bottle from her fingers, and for a moment, he stopped it.

Ahhh, but she left him for that, didn’t she?

It’s not her fault though, she’s sick. That’s the word they tell you. Diseased, sick, it's just not her fault…

The whispers continue.

I worry for that girl, she’ll turn out just like her mother. It’s in the genes, you know. In the blood.

And we start to believe it.

We look at ourselves and see them instead. All becomes inevitable, for who can escape such a future. Who can escape their own blood? The whispers turn to screams, and the bottle turns to us.

And as if our own future has been ripped from us because of their choices, we perpetuate the cycle. And we tell ourselves it’s not our fault; it’s a disease.

It’s in the blood.

And if we’re lucky, we’ll someday create our own little COA’s, and the cycle will live on.

Until one comes along and breaks it, laughs at the whispers, and creates their own future.

The lucky ones make it out, and earn a new title; ACOA.

Adult Children of Alcoholics.

The 'adult' part is questionable.

We, who fear abandonment so severely we can't even utter a meager little "no." Because they'll leave you if you contradict them, didn't you know?"

We, who lived in dysfunction for so long that suddenly dysfunction is normal, and normalcy feels awkward and unnerving.

We, who can barely enter into the world without throwing up guards to shield us from the whispers that have haunted us throughout our lives. But no one is saying a word.

Me, with strong convictions I don't know how to stand up for. Who can have a voice when you're raised to be silent?

Me, who whispers in hushed tones. "Did you hear about my mother? She's stuck on the bottle."

Me, the ACOA, the enabler, the f-r-a-u-d.
Last edited by OverEasy on Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:01 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Tue Mar 01, 2011 3:45 pm
Dreamwalker says...



Hello! I'm The.Dreamwalker but most people just call me Dream, and I'm here to review this piece!

So on with the show!

Nit-Picks:

I usually don't create a nit-pick section unless I fear that I won't have enough grammatical errors and such things to sufficently fill my sub-sections. If you're wondering, thats a really good thing!

And we tell ourselves it’s not our fault, it’s a disease.


The only reoccuring grammatical error I find in this piece is the misplacements of commas. In this case, it should be a semicolon. I can understand some of the uses of comma's in this piece in an effective way. This time around, though, a semicolon would be better placed.

Overall:

As I said before, I skipped my sections because I feel that this piece is something that can't be defined by Plot, Grammar, Setting, and Character of which most stories and short stories would fall under. For that, I will give you straight up, my overall impression.

And that would be that this is absolutely lovely!

You had great interpretation of character, a deep intuitive look at emotion, and a sattire that shows a very effectual irony. For that, this piece is grade A in my books.

One thing I will say that I found could be improved upon is the short sentences that make up paragraphs. Its very fragmented and I could understand doing that for effect, but I feel it would be more effectual if you were to add some lines together to create paragraphs then have the most important, most ironic lines left fragmented. It would give the impression that the speaker or narrator is in irony.

That being said, I will also give a personal opinion on the third last line of this piece. I don't much care for it.

With broken chains at our feet we force our way forward, with scars on our hearts from the damage that’s been done.


You give a very ironic piece of sattire here, of which is interesting and quorky. This line adds a bit too much melodrama and takes away from the feeling that the first part of it gives. I would cut this line out completely. But that is a personal opinion and if it seems fit for your to keep it in your own opinion, I should not feel against it. After all, this is your piece!

That is all!

~The.Dreamwalker
Suppose for a moment that the heart has two heads, that the heart has been chained and dunked in a glass booth filled with river water. The heart is monologuing about hesitation and fulfillment while behind the red brocade the heart is drowning. - R.S
  





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Tue Mar 01, 2011 4:06 pm
LowKey says...



Overall, it was really good. I think part of the reason it was interesting to me is that I come from a similar situation. So it was interesting to see it through another character's eyes. At the same time, it's not completely the same, so it was interesting in that manner, too. It was like getting a fresh view at yourself while also spending a moment in another person's shoes to see what it could have been like if certain things hadn't have happened. Kind of ranty in tone, but I think that's fairly fitting, given the circumstance.

Something that jarred me a bit towards the end is actually the beginning.

At 20 years old, I am an enabler. Where would one as young as myself learn such behavior?

By being raised by an alcoholic, of course.

There’s even an acronym for people from my… situation. COA; Children of Alcoholics.


You start off with the character talking about being an enabler, and then transition (very smoothly) into them being a COA. However, COA was a reason given for them being an enabler. So it felt like it was something that you were going to come back to focus on again a bit later, after you provided a bit of information regarding the character being a COA. As a result, the whole time I was reading about their being a COA, there was the waiting expectation that they'd transition back and provide more information on how they're an enabler. What specific thing or things did they say or do at what point(s)? We know the specific whispers, we know the specific thoughts and events (Dad trying, dad leaving, friends stop coming over, etc) but the point that you opened with felt like it got dropped, like you had gotten sidetracked from it.

With broken chains at our feet we force our way forward, with scars on our hearts from the damage that’s been done.


I actually liked the ending line. If you do change or get rid of it, it might be a good idea to put another line in its place, saying essentially the same message. ^^
Necropolis SB / Necropolis DT

Once was Dreamer, is now LowKey_Lyesmith.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
  





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Tue Mar 01, 2011 8:23 pm
OverEasy says...



The.Dreamwalker:

I kind of agree about the last line, it was one of those last minute adds that I did while editing, when I had already sort of lost the feel for the story. I felt the ending needed something, but couldn't figure out what it was. So I dropped that line in in hopes that it would sort of flow better towards the end, but it mostly just seems like a line from a separate story.

Dreamer:(!)

I thought I was going to say more about enabling too, as that's sort of what I started writing this about, but as I wrote it, it just sort of didn't come up again. I think that's what my ending needs though, is a tie into the enabling. I'll work on it, see if I can tweak it in somehow.

Thanks so much for the reviews guys!
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Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:43 pm
lilymoore says...



Heya Tiff! Of course I have time for you!
First off, have I mentioned how much I love your willingness to put such personal pieces up on the internet for everyone to rip apart? I really don’t know how you do it.

Second, a pair of nitpicks.

By being raised by an alcoholic, of course.


“By” feels really repetitive here and it would nice if you could find a way to re-write the first part of the sentence. Besides that, it’s a fragment.

He didn’t tell her no, he didn’t rip it from her fingers, he didn’t STOP IT.


Run-on! Glaring run-on. My retinas melted a little. :P
But semicolons or periods would be nice.



Overall, I love the honesty in this. Any time I come across a piece of writing that taps into the pure truths of the world just make me so unbelievably happy. The only thing I found myself wondering about is how the “enabler” part ties in. It sort of feels like it dangles up on top of the piece like a really irritating cow lick. I like the use of it as a literary device but without tying it all together, it feels out of place. Also, some of the paragraphs are so short and choppy that the flow of the piece seems uncomfortable.


But all in all, there’s not a lot I can say about this that’s bad in any outright way and I’m really glad you asked me to review this!

~lils
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.
  





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Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:46 am
Shearwater says...



Hey there, Over!

I'm here to review, as requested. Now, it seems like you have many good reviews here so I'm not sure how helpful I can be but I'll give this my best shot nonetheless.
Thank you Webbster, for making such a term so easy to comprehend.

If you're referring the to dictionary, it's called "Webster" with just one 'b'. ^__^

There it is, in black and white, that which I hate most about myself. My inability to utter a simple, “no” no matter the circumstance.

In this sentence, I don't like the double use of the word 'no' right after no another. It's a bit confusing and I think you should to change it. For some reason, I get the feeling that this was done on purpose as a sort of "ha-ha" with the fact that she can't say, 'no.' I don't know, that's just my thought on it. lololol

At 20 years old, I am an enabler.

Should 'enabler' be capitalized? I dunno, it seems like a profession or something of that sort such as "Doctor" or "Firefighter" so maybe you could capitalize it. Your call, I suppose. Also, when writing - do try to spell out the number instead of the symbol 20. All numbers under a hundred should be written accordingly, this makes a piece feel more professional.
Me, with strong convictions I don't know how to stand up for. Who can have a voice when you're raised to be silent?

Should be a comma after 'convictions'.

---


All in all, this is a good piece and it does get the point out and you did deliver. *Applaud*
There are just a few things that I'd like to point out that I think might help you in the future or if you want to revise this.
Firstly, I noticed a few run-on sentences, a few comma errors and some fragments. You might want to try to brush up on the simple grammar rules such as run-on sentences and how to avoid fragments. Make sure your sentences are constructed correctly and watch out for any confusion. Such as this:
It is normal. How could it not be? It has happened all our lives.

"It has happened all our live"
-Happened = has happen before.
Same thing but yet you used an extra 'has'. Watch out for things like this. ^^

There were also some small typos that I noticed. Try to review your work once or twice to make sure you catch those mistakes. They're difficult to get, I understand - I have the same problem. I can go through my work a hundred times and still miss misspelled words and such and such.
She’s stuck on the bottle.
Hushed whispers, best that Martha not hear it, of course.

"Best that Martha doesn't hear it, of course." Yes?

It is a good piece, don't get me wrong. I like the fact that you made it viewed as a cycle and provided some decent details and feeling to it. I think you could make it a bit loner and add in some more fist clenching description and imagery to make the voice a lot stronger and heavier to the reader. Right now, this seems a bit messy. Like a flow of thoughts instead of a straightly put together story or something - I don't know how much sense I'm making but your writing felt a bit on the waves. Try to straighten it out a bit, it's done quite well but I think you can do even better.

Well, that's all for my review. ^^
If you have any more questions, let me know! I'll be happy to help out in any sort of way.

Keep writing,
-Pink
There are three rules for writing a novel. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
-W. Somerset Maugham
  





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Sat Mar 05, 2011 3:53 am
OverEasy says...



The commas and the fragments were intentional, actually. I did change the one run on sentence mentioned above mostly because I felt it was more powerful when it was split, but most of the "incorrect" parts of this story were done intentionally. I intended the piece to feel choppy and slightly sporadic :)
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Mon Mar 07, 2011 6:00 am
beenderew says...



this is very well written. i think the tone kind of has a big impact on the way the current psychological state for people is right now. like, we don't think like socrates or plato these days but we might think like malcolm gladwell or bill gates. i think the tone really reflects that. it is decent in that it explores the possibilities of the consequences of this situation, but I really think that you are placing your own present problems on your mother. I do this too. I think they have the drinking problem when it will probably be me with the drinking problem when I am older. Maybe we can learn from this.
  








The ink in which our lives are inscribed is indelible.
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