What She Really Is

One nose, one mouth,
and two eyes to see:
that she was
everything
that a girl should be;
Her hair was flowing
way past her waist,
her arms and legs
she could move with haste.

There was just one thing
that no one could see;
for whatever lay
beyond that tinge of beauty?
She'd need someone to listen;
and see beyond her face.
She screamed inside, but
no one saw;
what horror was there to trace?
Nobody would ever listen,
Nobody understood.
So she never bothered telling...
For Nobody ever would..

Keep on looking closer
and soon,
maybe you'll see...
That she is not perfect;
not what you think;
And, oh, how she will never be.

Be the first
to understand
That she's hiding away in
an imaginary land.
Her make-believe; her perfect face
Hides away
chalky scars
On her arms; set in place.

This girl has no real beauty;
She's simply living her lies;
She needs to please her audience,
As everyone's fool is
perfect in their eyes...

Hello Emmzziee!

Your poem is very deep. I really liked how you chose to portray the girl that everyone thinks is perfect, but really, she is just like everyone else. It was a really good choice of topic. It had an air of mystery, which I liked, because you never mentioned a name, you never even mentioned the colour hair or eyes she has, so a lot depends on the readers' imagination. I thought that was a good idea.

However, there was one part which I didn't think made sense...

Spoiler

Nobody would ever listen,
Nobody understood.
So never bothered telling...
Nobody ever would..

I just think that 'so never bothered telling' doesn't seem to fit in for me. Nevertheless, that is my opinion, and you will have to see what your other reviews say about it.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the poem, and think you should write more dramatic, mystery poems, as you seem to have a flair for it...

Would you mind reading my work??
viewtopic.php?t=74253

Lofty xD

I like this a lot. out of five it give it a four. (: good job keep writing!!
there weren't many mistakes grammar wise; which was good but only one thing:

Be the first to understandThat she is not perfect;But hiding away in an imaginary land.Her make-believe; her perfect faceHides away chalky scars On her arms; set in place.

this part of the poem seemed like it didn't fit right. like the rhythm was off a little bit. the rest of the poem flowed. i liked this part but i guess it seemed kind of choppy. other than that: LOVED IT.

best wishes, Nessa

i'm loving the context to this poem and how this has feeling flooding through it and how it captures this girl in true light, i really enjoy reading it, it seemed to drag me into it which i think is important in writing so that your reader would want to keep on reading and finding the hidden message in the poem i really love how it comes out this is a good writing technique and i think that you have to keep putting in hidden messages into things because it great to try and find what the writer is trying to get across. all so i like that it rhymes as well and this has a good beat to it and this is a good factor to any poem that is written. To me this is showing sadness and secrecy now i know that this is obviously but i like how you get the message across in stages and how that yeah it obvious but it sort of isn't i loved the whole poem and all the characteristic that when in to it because it gives the poem that little umph and makes you feel that this personal and that's all so a good factor to use when writing but for improvement i would just say make punctuation better to match the beat of the poem if you get what i am trying to say, also mind spellings even though i'm not very good at spelling just have the word check there to make sure you haven't slipped up, because when i am writing fast i usually slip up because i am trying to get it done fast but then it just makes my writing seem bad but yeah besides those improvements it's really good and unique and this is what readers would like to read something that appears to be simple but is really hard to get it drags the reader and keeps them there because they are trying to figure what is really hard to get but yet it's so simple because it's right there in your face yet it's hidden in some way so that it's intresting i really like this keep going emma !!! x

First off, I thought it was a very intriguing poem!
Also, I like how you leave a lot to the reader's imagination, that makes me like it more. Readers picture what they think the girl looks like.

Just some spelling/grammatical errors:

and two eyes too see:

too should be to. Also, the semi colon? I think it should be a comma.

way past her waist

It seems to flow better if it was "down past her waist" instead of way

She'd need someone too listen

Once again, to not too.

Once more, I enjoyed the poem so much, I enjoyed the dark feel at the end