Young Writers Society

Charlie

Austin told me that I’d forget about it. He said that it didn’t matter, that running would stop my mind from crashing. I actually believed him. Too bad Austin lied.
It rained that night. I was strumming my guitar and playing whatever crap flowed into my head as I stared outside the window when my dad sauntered in. There was a cigarette in his mouth and his bedraggled hair fell flat onto his face. I tried not to look at him at first, but that was a pretty darn challenging thing to do. There was only a limited amount of time I could gaze at the raindrops on the window as the darkness from outside crept into the room. I plucked the guitar with more intensity.
“Will you shut it, boy? You're making a racket!” he spat with his voice coarse. "There was less noise in the middle of a bloody battle in Afghanistan."
My fingers immediately stopped. "I thought you'd gone out for the night..." I could tell that my voice was barely audible to him.
He tilted his head, then glared at me as though I’d just downright insulted him. He cursed and approached me, stumbling slightly along the way. After dropping himself down beside me, he picked up a beer bottle from the floor. I edged away from him in my seat.
“I’m going out,” I mumbled as I leaned my guitar against the wall next to me.
He ignored me as usual while glugging the content of his beer bottle down his throat. Where's my jacket? I glanced at my dad. My eyes scanned the room in search of my black jacket before returning to him for a moment. I really didn't want to have to ask him... I scratched my head, then examined the unkempt floor as I spoke.
“Have you seen my jacket?” Another quiet mumble.
I sounded so fricking pathetic. I pulled my head up and my dad turned to me. The light radiating from the lamp beside him was unable to brighten the shadows that were drowning his bloodshot eyes. I glanced back down at the dirty floor.
"Huh?" My father's voice was loud, almost making me jump. "Speak properly, kid. Honestly."
"Have you seen my coat? The... um, the black one?" I said, this time louder than before.
“No,” my dad grunted as he shot up the volume on the television.
I remained in the spot as I contemplated what to do next. I'd sworn I'd seen him with it earlier on today... He'd given it to Will, my brother. I scratched my head again.
"Are you sure? I think I saw yo--"
“Are you deaf or just plain thick, kid?” He shot me a glare. “I said no. Stop wasting my time.”
I stammered a little, earning myself another few disgusted looks from the man who'd now spread himself across the stained sofa. Stop being so pathetic, I thought to myself. Tell him to sod off... It can't be that hard...
"God, you're annoying..." My dad turned his attention back to the TV. "Have you even thought to look in that dirty bedroom of yours? Common sense, kid. Jesus... You're supposed to get smarter with age, not even stupider."
He started mumbling something to himself, cursing as he did so. The sound of some imbecilic American sitcom turned the soothing patter of the rain into a jagged staccato noise, and as the television's volume was increased even further, the sound of the rain was omitted completely. My knuckles clenched as I glared at my dad. I have looked in my damn room. I ain't that stupid My mind yelled at me to tell him that, to prove him wrong for once, but like always, the words merely clawed at my throat and resisted to come out.
My dad burst out laughing at something, then began bashing the arm of the sofa like some deranged animal. He leaned back with a few more chuckles escaping his lips. His ecstatic grinning revealed a set of stained teeth that resembled a neglected, crooked fence.
"Uh... well, bye then," I muttered, pausing at the door for a moment.
"Are you going or not?" my dad grunted, not bothering to look at me. "Or is opening the door too much effort for you?" He shook his head. "Lazy prick."
I bit my tongue and tried to ignore him and his muttered comments. After pulling the door open, I stalled once more as I watched my father for a moment. I considered saying another goodbye, but soon decided against it. By mistake, as I left the room, I slammed the door rather than closing it.
"Oi!"
As I made my way into the hallway, I could just hear my dad yelling at me. It wasn't long until the deranged laughter began again. I sighed, hastily making my way towards the front door as his laughter shattered my ear drums. Shut up...
I stopped as I passed my room. The door that led to it couldn't even be closed anymore because of the pile of junk wedged behind it. I had tried keeping the room kind of tidy, but there was no hope when my dad and brother chucked all of their rubbish into it. There must have been about four old skateboards of Will's that he hadn't even looked at since he was about ten years old dotted around the room, to begin with. There was even some of my dad's old military stuff buried within the ocean of rubbish. I'd tried cleaning everything out before, but I'd only gotten shouted at for trying to dump my dad's and brother's stuff. I'd also mentioned that all of it was insignificant crap, but that one just got me a busted lip.
Without taking that last thought any further, I left the house. As I stepped outside, I felt like whacking myself. Why couldn't I just tell him to shut up? I damn well struggled to even think about telling him to do so, let alone turning those thoughts into actions. I was so pathetic sometimes. One sentence, one word... That was all it took to stand up to him. Then why did the insults always remain stuck in my stupid throat?
The wind wrapped itself around me and bit at my bare arms as I dragged my feet up the garden path. The raindrops splashed against my skin, sending chills through my body. What a crap excuse for a summer. The terraced houses of the street were towering over me, and the more I walked, the more unearthly their shadows became. I crossed my arms in hope of warming myself up--a rather useless attempt.
After strolling along the pavement for a brief while, I turned to face my house and paused. A simple glance and I could see him through the rain and the murky window. In his hand was a bottle of beer. Would it have killed him to shut the stinking blinds when he was shoving that stuff down his throat? Mind you, when they were shut, they looked putrid, so I guess that wasn't the best option. It was easy to see the bottle of beer in my dad's hand. I turned back around. No way was I going back into that wreck of a place tonight. Being underneath a car was more tempting than spending time in my house.
The wind suddenly roared, knocking a wheelie bin to the hard ground. The litter spilled out, revealing a dump of tasteless colours along with a sickly scent. I stepped over it and accidentally kicked a half eaten slice of pizza. Yum. There was another gust of wind. I knew I should have brought a damn jacket. I shivered.
I couldn’t deal with my own company anymore. Maybe some of the guys were in the park. Once I’d reached the end of the street, I saw the crumbling brick wall that led to the field behind my housing estate. I pressed my palms firmly on the top of the wall. Being careful not to scrape my hands, I lifted myself up and leaped over it. I only just managed to avoid scraping my leg against the rough bricks.
Straightening myself out, I locked my eyes onto the park in the distance. The rain drops in the sky blew into my eyes, which forced me to squint. Through the darkness, I could just see the red and yellow paint on the climbing frames thanks to the dim street lights. The paint had almost been washed off completely since the park had been built because no one ever bothered to give any of the climbing frames a new coat. Then again, that would only get them burnt down after a month or so. The kids around here had a passion for burning things. The crooked metal fence that surrounded the park wasn't too hard to notice wither, its paint just as vague as the climbing frame's. The place didn't exactly scream child friendly.
The grass was wet under my feet as the dirty water drowned my Converse. I glanced up into the air to see that the sky wasn’t loaded with stars, but suffocated by dark clouds. If they began hammering down with anything heavier than drizzle, I’d be really pissed off. I didn’t have any kind of hood or coat on me, no thanks to my old man.
My body relaxed slightly as I made out the shapes of recognisable figures sitting beside the swing set. It wasn’t long until one of them turned around to face me.
“Hey! I’ve been trying to call you, Charlie!” Austin called, grinning.
The second I heard his voice, I sighed, then smiled. Austin took a quick sip out of the can in his hand before putting it down onto the black tarmac of the park. He jumped over the caved-in fence, then pulled the hood of his jumper over his head.
I jogged lightly in his direction. Austin lifted his arm over my shoulder when he reached me, and imitated my grin.
“Where have you been?” he asked before noticing my short sleeve t-shirt. “Bloody hell, mate, this ain't Florida, you know.”
“I’ve just been in the house. Sorry, I’ve kinda lost my phone.” I laughed loudly. “I lost my jacket too... I'll nick yours!”
I was still laughing as I pulled Austin's hood down. He punched my arm before forcing me into a headlock. With my head still underneath his arm, he shoved his hood back up with his free hand.
"You can't spend five minutes away from me, can you, mate? I'm just that great, I guess." I laughed as I tried to free myself.
"Don't flatter yourself, Charlie boy!" He messed up my already scruffy hair, and released me from his grasp. "It sounds like I'm talking to a horse when I call you that. Brilliant."
The crisp air was filled with laughter as we made our way towards the park, and Austin kicked the odd stone here and there. He lifted the sleeve of his jumper to his mouth and began chewing on it.
The guy had a strange obsession with that jumper. He’d had it for at least six years by now, and the thing was in tatters. The sleeves didn’t even reach his wrists anymore, but he adamantly denied that he needed a new one. He claimed that the sleeves were supposed to give him that abnormally long armed look. I just went with it.
“How long have you guys been out then?” I asked, strolling into the park.
“Not long. Half an hour or so.”
Austin followed me inside, reaching for his can of cider the second his feet touched the ground. I rolled my eyes, a smile still on my face.
While Austin sat down, I spotted someone I wasn't quite as happy to see. When I saw Jax, I couldn’t help but clench my jaw. He was grinning cockily as he watched Austin and me.
“How’s your old man then, Black?” Jax’s grey eyes were full of amusement as he looked at me. “He ain’t done a very good job tonight. He should’ve touched that up; it's already looking better.” He nodded at my eye which I knew was a light purple colour.
My jaw remained clenched as I glared at him. Why did Austin even want to hang out with this prick? Jax had the voice of a damn rat, and his eyes were so close together, I was surprised he could even see three dimensionally. Plus, he was the thickest kid in the world. He was staring at me right now, his huge nose curling its equally huge nostrils in amusement. He looked like a warthog. Prick.
“Shut it.” Austin nudged Jax's side. “No one cares. Seriously."
Jax rolled his eyes before suddenly openening his can. The bursting noise sent a shiver down my spine. That was a sound I could never ignore. Probably because I was so used to hearing it. The smell of the fresh alcohol made my nose wrinkle in disgust. The horrible stuff smelt exactly like him. My mind darkened. Anything that reminded me of my dad made me feel nauseous. It felt like my guts were twisted. Everywhere I looked, I managed to see him. It was almost unbelievable how it only took a split second to see that damn man in my surroundings.



After a good two hours or so had passed, Austin had gulped down another four cans of cider. His eyes had gradually become redder, his voice louder and his opinions a hell of a lot stronger.
“Charlie, you seriously.” Hiccup. “Like, really seriously need to try some of this.” Austin held up a new can in his hand. “It does.” Hiccup. “Does wonders, mate!”
I shook my head without even giving it an ounce of a thought. My stomach was churning inside of me as I watched the can being lifted to his chapped lips. Why was there bloody alcohol everywhere I looked?
The two guys were discussing football or something when I heard some deep voices in the distance. I shifted my eyes to the bottom of the field, to where the brick wall was. Through some of the mist, I could just make out a small group of people. My eyes remained on them as the group ambled along the field.
Neither Austin or Jax had noticed them; they were both lost in conversation. I didn’t quite understand how they could find kicking a ball around in shorts and sickly coloured boots an interesting thing to talk about. Well, I could understand why the pea brain found it interesting, but it baffled me that Austin thought it was a good thing to talk about.
The group on the field were closer now. They’d just passed the second rugby post when I turned to look at them again. It looked like there were only three of them, but one of the kids could have easily been classed as two if I took his size into account. I watched him more carefully. Yep, he could have definitely counted as two people.
“Hey, who are they?” I turned to Jax.
I nodded my head at the group who were now a hundred yards or so away from us. Jax broke out of the football conversation for a second, then glanced at the field behind us.
“Dunno... I ain’t seen them around,” he said slowly as he slurred a bit. “Hey, do any of you know them, Austin?”
He turned to the others before watching the group on the field again. They were all dressed in tracksuit bottoms, wearing sports tops or knock-off Superdry hoodies. Either that or they'd nicked the hoodies off of the back of a lorry, which was probably more likely.
Austin jumped up, stumbling slightly as he did so. He laughed as he spun around and leaned on the fence beside him. He spat on the floor.
“Oi!”
As he shouted, the group snapped their heads up. All of them were silent for a moment. The large boy at the front of the group narrowed his eyes as he locked his gaze on Austin.
“Hey! Fatty! There’s no.” Hiccup. “No food here, sorry!” Austin suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. He turned to us. “Did you see that? I just called him Fatty!”
The hysterical laughter continued. Austin stared at the group now yards away from us with an almost lost look surfacing in his dark eyes. I often wondered if Austin purposely tried getting himself killed.
A few of the guys from the group muttered something to each other, but they didn’t seem too bothered by Austin’s nitwit comment, thank God.
“Austin, do you wanna get your brains knocked out by a guy who could probably eat an entire fridge for breakfast?” I shook my head.
“Hey, that’s a good one!” Austin turned back to the group. “Eaten your fridge yet, Fatty?”
Another burst of laughter. This time, his arms slipped, and he only just caught himself before smacking his face on the fence.
Fatty didn’t ignore him quite as well as before. He clenched his fists and began walking briskly in our direction. Well done, mate, I thought to myself, watching Austin as he continued laughing to himself. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed the rest of the group heading straight towards us.
As they neared, their faces became clearer and I soon began to recognise one of them. Lee Pritchard. He was walking beside Fatty as they made their way towards us. Lee lived a few streets away from me, and it wasn't hard to spot his house. Its walls were practically green with moss and mould, half of the windows had cardboard over them and there was this huge black thing that stalked the house's garden. A dog, apparently. Wolf, more like. Judging by what I'd heard and seen of Lee, messing about with him would basically get the crap beaten out of you. So well done Austin.
Austin turned to the gate of the park as they walked in. His face was brimming with amusement. Jax didn’t look too nervous either. I found myself clicking my tongue in anxiety, but I soon stopped myself. I needed to blooming man up. Besides, I was probably overreacting, being paranoid. The group entered the park one by one, each one looking just as aggressive as the next.
The last one to walk in was someone I somehow hadn’t noticed before. Once I did notice her, the fact that I hadn’t done so at first shocked the life out of me. My eyes locked onto a blonde girl as she wandered into the park with her nails in her mouth. Unlike the other four members of the group, she wasn’t wearing any kind of tracksuit material. Everything she wore actually looked clean, to begin with. There was a tight top clinging to her flat waist, and that top shaped ever part of her perfectly. Wow. Her platinum blonde hair was slicked back into a high ponytail, just reaching the bottom of her shoulders. All I could do was stare. How on earth had I not noticed her? I mean, seriously? Maybe Fatty had been blocking my view.
My eyes shot to Lee who had a curved smirk on his face. He nudged past Fatty and stepped forward, stamping on an old cigarette butt on the ground as he did so. Austin winked at Lee as he neared him.
“You have to have your mates sick up.” Austin let out a hysterical laugh, ignoring the fact that there was now a very angry guy standing right in front of him. “I mean, stick up for you, do you, Fatty?” He looked over Lee’s shoulder at Fatty. “Too much energy, eh?”
Jax started laughing as he stood up, trying not to stumble, and even I let out a few chuckles. Austin laughed too, but I doubt he realised that we were laughing at his lack of ability to say words properly when hammered rather than the jokes he was attempting. I quickly glanced at the girl in the tight clothes. Her eyes showed something--a dark look--that wiped my grin off of my face. Her nails remained in her mouth.
While Austin continued laughing, Lee grabbed his jumper. Austin did nothing but laugh even more.
“Who do you think you are, kid?” Lee hissed in his face.
“Lee, leave it.” I whipped my head to the blonde girl.
Her voice was quiet--my ears were only just able to pick up what she'd said. I subtly watched her. It may have been a challenge to hear it, but her voice was so melodic, almost a humming sound.
“What the hell are you looking at?” Lee’s voice made me jump. “That’s mine, idiot.”
I turned back to him and Austin to see Lee glowering at me. I assumed he’d just referred to the blonde girl.
Within a second, Austin had pushed Lee off him. Austin grabbed his jumper this time. I froze.
“Don’t speak to my mate like that!” He shoved Lee against the fence behind them.
I knew that was a huge mistake. Why the hell had Austin done that? There was no way these guys were going to leave us alone now. The blonde girl let out a sudden cry, but I seemed to be the only one who noticed. The others remained concentrated on the two guys fighting with each other. If this carried on, they were going to end up knocking each other's brains out.
Lee glared at Austin with his eyes blazing. Lee lifted his elbow into the air, his fist clenched. Seconds later, it shot forward. As the blow hit him, Austin lost his grip on Lee. Both boys cursed.
“Mate! Knock him back!” Jax shouted as Austin rubbed his nose.
What a prick. Why would you even want to encourage them? Lee’s friends began egging him on, calling Austin every name under the sun. Austin lifted his arm into the air. Lee was soon welcomed by his fist.
"That's it!" Lee grabbed Austin's arm.
He clenched his fist again. Another punch at Austin.
Austin fell to the ground, his eyes more bloodshot than ever in the dim street lights. Or it might have been the blood. Everyone around me was shouting now, a couple of them laughing. The two boys struggled on the tarmac ground as they shot curses at each other. A ribbon of crimson was running down Lee's face where Austin had walloped him, and Austin's face didn't look much better. Besides the two guys fighting, the only one without a smile on their face was the blonde girl. Instead, her lips were quivering.
“Cut it out!” I shouted, jolting up to my feet.
Was I the only one with damn sense here? After being ignored, I darted over to the guys on the ground. Austin was on top of Lee by now. I managed to grab Austin’s arm to pull him off the kid underneath him. I kept my hold on my friend as he was standing up in front of me.
“There could be cops around, you idiot!” I hissed. “Leave it!”
Austin shoved my hand off him with his teeth gritted. His breath was cut short, his eyes on fire. He glanced at Lee before turning back to me.
“Just chill out...” I said, my heart beat gradually slowing down.
Austin stared at me, his face twisted. He tilted his head. He seemed to be calming down as his breathing began to become steady once more. Something hard whacked against my crotch. Austin’s knee.
“Stay out of it!” he yelled.
Intense pain shot up to my stomach from my crotch and I winced in pain. Every breath I had inside of me shot from my mouth as I fell to the wet ground. It was though someone had just struck a hammer in-between my thighs, leaving me to endure the pain with no kind of remedy. Then there was shouting again. I lay on the floor with my crotch throbbing. I could hardly breathe and I could almost feel my stomach doing somersaults inside of me. Crap, that hurt. I lifted my head up. Austin had Lee against the fence again. I gulped.
In Austin's hand was a small, black pocket knife. Shit.
“Go on, Austin!” Jax shouted. "Use the damn thing!"
“Like hell you'd use it!” It was Fatty this time.
I tried to sit up, only to enhance the pain that was now in my stomach. Groaning, I watched the scene unfold in front of me. If I wasn't slowly going into panic, it would have been almost funny how both Jax and the other group were yelling at Austin or Lee, encouraging them to beat the crap out of each other, yet that was all they were doing. Watching. Not one of them were trying to help out or even fight with their mate.
Austin and Lee were standing still now, Lee's eyes struggling to hide any fear. Austin had his back to me, so I couldn't catch a glimpse of his face. I wasn't sure if I wanted to. Jax was standing a few inches away from me, and he probably wasn't even thinking about turning to me. Lee's group were opposite us with Fatty screaming for his friend at the front. I turned back to Austin and Lee in front of me.
That was the moment Austin struck.
His hand which held the knife shot back while his free hand held Lee down. I hopelessly attempted lifting myself up, but simply winced again.
“No!” There was a shriek.
It was the girl. Austin paused, his hand still in the air as he glanced to the side of him. The next thing I saw was the girl hurrying towards him. As suddenly as she'd yelped, she grabbed Austin and pushed him to the ground. Austin and the girl landed with a loud thud onto the ground. She was on top of him. I couldn't' see the knife anywhere.
I managed to sit up now, my heart bursting out of my rib cage. It was the only sound to be heard. Everything else was silent. Dead silent. Time stopped for a moment.
“Shit...” His eyes wide, Austin pushed the girl off him.
Everyone was staring at her. Why was everyone staring at her? Austin stood up, stumbling a little. He stared at her too. He hadn’t... I looked at her. He had.
“I’ve...” Lee stammered. “We’ve gotta get out of here.”
Without even looking back at the girl, he ran. He slammed the gate open before bolting out of the park. The rest of his goons followed, none of them bothering to turn to the girl once. Jax ran. There was no one else in the park now. Just me, Austin and her.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. There was still a light throbbing feeling in my crotch, but I didn’t take any notice of it. The physical feelings were numb. My eyes locked onto the girl’s stomach. I stared at the puncture as what looked like a pool of sticky jam seeped through her tight top. But it wasn't jam. It was blood. I stared at the knife.
“Come on, Charlie.” I jumped the second Austin’s hand grabbed my shoulder. “We could... We can’t get caught.” His voice shook.
I stood up, but I didn’t step forward. I could see her properly now that I was above her. Her eyes were hidden behind their lids, her body was entirely motionless, and each second that past felt longer and longer until they began to feel as though they were turning into minutes, eventually turning into hours... days...
“Charlie!” He was shouting now. “Come on! Forget about it. It doesn’t matter!”
Austin bent down, his hand shaking. Then he pulled the knife out of her. He just pulled it out like she was a slab of meat. The blood poured out quicker.
I felt sick. The smell of damp tarmac circled the freezing air around me, making me want to throw up. Austin stepped over her, not looking down once, and grabbed me. Holding me firmly, he sprinted towards the park’s gate. I ran with him, but my legs just carried me. It felt like I hadn’t moved an inch.
Once I was out of the park, I could run. Boy, could I run. My legs ached as my feet slammed against the moist grass, the water from it running into my shoes. Austin had let go now. He was ahead of me. My lungs were gasping for air, and my body was begging me to stop. So that’s what I did.
Austin jumped over the wall and he was gone. Just like that. It was as though he’d never been here. The only trace of him ever being there was the bleeding body back in the park. Body. I was already thinking of her as dead.



Click here to read STOP AND STARE (PART TWO)

Skinsy!

I just saw that you've posted this. I'm first ! Yay!

“I’m going out.” I said flatly, standing up.

comma, not period.

I wasn’t in the mood for my dad right now; the guy would only get bladdered before passing out on the sofa, the TV turned up full blast. The perfect Saturday evening. I shook my head.

Um, question. If it's Saturday night, why didn't she say that when he asked about school. DO you guys have school on Saturdays?

Instead, the sound of some old American sit-com filled my ears.

I haven't looked it up, but 'sitcom' is usually one word.

Well, Skinsy, that was it for the nitpicks. I'm not sure what to say about this story.

At first, I wasn't sure whether it was a boy or girl, hurt by the father's actions. Then the 'prick' comment came and I caught on, and from then on, all went uphill. I liked Charlie's internal voice. Liked his describing his thoughts, and liked how it was pointed out that his father beat him, without you quite saying it.

I liked how the action unfolded, but I'm not quite sure what to think about the ending. Will there be another part? Or does it remain, the end? Will Charlie go back?

But I enjoyed this. I liked your style here, and the general flow of your story. I think you did a great job.

Hope this helped,
Tanya

Hi, this is really good. You really get a sense of everything the MC is feeling as he feels it. It ended on a major cliffhanger though. What's going to happen????
I feel sorry for him, he hates his dad, and he doesn't even like his mates that much, they're just a bunch of thugs. It's good though albeit a bit bleak, it has a real, gritty feel to it. I think it would work as a beginning to a novel, it draws you in straight away and you want to know what happens next.
I think the title's great. It's like a challenge: 'i dare you to stop and stare and do nothing about it'. And makes me feel like an actual observer to the events that take place. So, good job on that.
I can't offer any advice on a different opening i'm afraid, i struggle with that too.
The only thing is that you're not really writing about anything new. I've seen quite a few 'teenager hates his life; his stupid mates get him into trouble ' stories before. But it is written well.
Hope that helps in some way.

Hello Sniks!

Here to review. :3

Good story you have here. The pace flow is just about right, so you should be happy for that. Grammatically speaking, I'm impressed with how you show the environment your main character is feeling and seeing. The thoughts from his mind are well-expressed, however, I would highly agree with Tanya. At first the MC seemed to sound like a woman or a girl.

Cursing again, he turned his attention to the TV. My chest tightened as my will for leaving the house grew stronger. I couldn’t hear the rain pattering against the window now. Instead, the sound of some old American sitcom filled my ears.
My dad burst out laughing at something, tapping the arm of the sofa like some deranged animal. He leaned back, a few more chuckles escaping his lips. His ecstatic grinning revealed a set of stained teeth.
"Bye then," I mumbled, pausing at the door.
"Are you going or not?" he grunted. "Or is opening the door too much effort for you?" He shook his head. "Lazy prick..."
You bet I'm going.(space)I pulled the door open, closing it with a deafening slam. I heard him shout at me, cursing as he did so, while I walked into the landing. It wasn't long until the ecstatic laughter began again. I clenched my fists as his laughter shattered my ear drums. Honestly, I preferred the guy when he was having a go at me.
Without giving it a second thought, I left the house, the front door slamming even louder than the living room one previously had. Sod him. The bloke was a sorry excuse for a man.

What I mean is that when I read this part it almost seem like a girl narrating. Some emotional reactions just don't justify your main character's voice and... even gender, methinks. I don't think a male character really cares about a father cursing back at him or something, maybe him cursing at his father would be okay, but you know, thinking thoroughly about his father drinking, he should I think less care about it, and just go to his whereabouts. You know most male characters have less deep emotions (than women) going on through their minds. And in this particular paragraph, I kind of sense that the MC here is a bit weak, nothing compelling about it. It looks just like an ordinary boy, escaping from his father.

And about the other characters present here, I like how you describe the drunk father, Austin and the girl. You have showed to your readers that they have played a significant role into the story, that they are just not some random persons to read about. The fighting scene, well, what should I say? I'm pretty impressed with it, you have unfold it well that I just couldn't stop reading even for just a second. Also, you have a good cliffhanger, makes me want to read more: especially about the girl.

So my main nitpick is really your main character. Actually, I don't have something big to say, since I think this is just the first part. And so I hope you can develop him more on the upcoming chapters.

Overall, I like this. You have great style, good at showing, fine grammars and good quality story. These are all just based on my opinions. So hope I helped and PM me for any questions, Sniks.

Keep writing and peace out,
Yuriiko


P.S It would be my pleasure to review the next part. (Really, I'd be glad to review, just let me know when you're done!)

So I saw this featured. XD I'll get to it as soon as I can.

Yay! This is great!!!
Keep Writing!
Nike

Hey there, Skins. I just reloaded the review I had done-it always happens with your reviews. Anyways, I didn't bother nit-picking them again.

Lee’s friends began egging him on, calling Austin every name under the sun.

I thought it was night?

The only one without a smile on her(their) face was the blonde girl.

The only trace of him was lying on the floor, unconscious... Dead?

You mean 'her'?

First of I really liked the beginning or the opener as we say it. It was simple and yet it drew me in so I think you should or everybody should go in for simple but compelling starts. I liked the way you showed his anger towards his dad, but I think that you were seriously not showin' us the image we wanted to see. Like, I get that his dad's a prick, a drunkard, bu surely there'd be more elements to him that have infuriated Charlie so much. So ideally in the beginning you should have brought in more of how exactly his father ruins the time for him and what all he does when under the effects of alcohol. Like you could show how his father comes in, behaves and all the crap. Just like a usual drunkard would behave. So I'd like to see that.

Other thing that was small but bothered me would be that his character seemed a lot like a girl in the start or rather I'd say like a timid boy. But I get it-he has been tormented by his father all his life and such people do become submissive. But if that's not what you wanna portray then work on his personality. Except for that I don't really have more to say. Just that make his character more interesting. Right now, everybody but him is interesting me. So just work on that.

Other thing-when the boys came at first, I didn't know how they looked like, and even now I have a bit of idea about some, but a vague one, so when they come make their entry more dramatic or make us see them. As in we'd watch them on TV, or something.

Other than that this was nice-sorry for this being short.

~Shubhi

Thanks for all of the reviews, guys.

@Tanya - I think I'm going to write the next chapter of this, but if I do what I originally intended to do, those questions about him going back and that may not be answered because of it being a double POV thing. The questions would be answered soon enough though.

@Lee - I agree with the rather cliché situation. I'm hoping to make sure that this doesn't become to "seen it before". I'm not 100% sure how I'm going to do so exactly right now, but if I do turn this into a novel, I'll hopefully be able to achieve it.

@Shubhi - The reason the dad doesn't appear to be doing many drunken things is because he's not really that drunk at the moment. He's supposed to be a little bit, but not overly. That's why Charlie left then; he didn't want to be there when his dad became overly drunk. I might want to make that clearer, I guess. But yeah, that's why Charlie's dad doesn't appear to be that drunk at first.

@Tanya, Shubhi, Yurii - I know the boy sounding like girl thing is a an issue. Shubhi picked up something though that kind of explains a little... I want Charlie to come across as timid around his father. I think it's hard because I need to balance being timid and sounding like a girl, making sure that it doesn't tip too far over to sounding girlish. As this goes on, I want to show his different kinds of behaviour when he's around different people. Does that make sense? I tend to fail at making a guy character sound guyish... Hopefully by writing this though, I'll be able to improve.

Thanks again, guys!

Hullo there, sir! Here's your *ehem* requested *ehem* review...

He cursed, making his way to the sofa I was sitting on, stumbling slightly along the way. After dropping himself onto the fabric sofa, he picked up the beer bottle on the floor below him.

Okay--this is pretty nit-picky, but I don't like the repetition of "sofa." Also, I think you may want to emphasize the closeness of the two characters, since it took me a little while to realize that the dad was sitting on the same couch as Charlie. Maybe make the second sentence something more like: "After dropping himself down besides me, be picked up a beet bottle from the floor." Then I'd like a description of the disgust/fear that explains Charlie's getting up and wanting to leave.

I pulled the door open, closing it with a deafening slam.

Okay. This is a little tough to explain, but I'll do my best. I'm kind of bothered by this sentence structure, because it sounds like "closing it with a deafening slam" is something that Charlie is doing while he's opening the door. It sounds as if you might as well be saying "I pulled the door open, trying not to think about what would await me when I returned." Like as he's pulling the door open, trying not to think about his dad. But instead you're saying that as he's pulling the door open... he's closing it. I'm still not sure if that makes sense, but this paragraph is getting too long so if you're still confused, PM me or post on my wall or something. ^.^ Basically, I'm saying this would bother me less if it was something like "I pulled the door open, then closed it with a deafening slam."

The wind wrapped itself around my body, biting at my bare arms as I dragged my feet up my garden path. The raindrops splashed against my skin, sending chills down my body. It felt as though the terraced houses to my side were towering over me, watching my every move as I passed them. I crossed my arms in hope of warming myself up; a rather pathetic attempt really.

Rather curious. ^.^

I looked on the bright side. At least my brother wasn't there tonight.

For some reason this sounded awkward to me when I read it. I think it's the first sentence. It caught me up because it just sounds like such an awkward way to describe someone's thought process. Why not just say: "On the bright side, at least my brother wasn't home."

Jax was fine; it was Timmy and Danny I couldn’t help but clench my jaw at.

This sounds a little awkward to me. It's not that I mind ending a sentence with a preposition, it's just... this feels like you went to great measures to do so. :/ Maybe try: "Jax was fine; it was when I saw Timmy and Danny that I couldn’t help but clench my jaw."

“Don’t try and make us bog off because you want some alone time with him.” He winked at Timmy.

I found this whole exchange a little confusing -- I can tell there's tension, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. I'm also not sure what this line is supposed to mean. But maybe you mean this to be confusing and are going to develop it later in the novel...

My stomach was turning inside of me as I watched the can being lifted to his chapped lips.

I think you mean "churning." ^.^

There was a really tight top clinching to her flat waist, curving it inwards.

Curving what inwards? Her waist? How can a shirt curve a waist inwards? What does it mean for a waist to be curved inwards? I'm developing a very strange, putty-like image of this girl's abdomen... >.< Also, "clinching" seems like an awkward word to use -- maybe "clinging" would be better? But I shouldn't be saying that, really, because I don't even understand what you're trying to say...

One of the dark-haired boys stepped forward, stamping on an old cigarette bud on the floor as he did so.

I've never heard them called "cigarette buds..." it might be right too, but I've always heard them referred to as "cigarette butts."

Austin lifted his into the air.

Lifted his what? It might just be me, but the whole fight scene was a bit confusing... but more on that later. ^.~

I lay on the floor, my crotch throbbing. I could hardly breathe. I lay on the floor, winded.

Rather repetitive.

There was still a light throbbing feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I didn’t take any notice of it. The physical feelings were numb. My eyes locked onto the girl’s stomach.

Repetition again. And I know this is colloquially written, so you can really say whatever you want, but remember: the stomach is an organ for digesting food, not the abdominal region in general. So his stomach can hurt, but for him to be looking at her stomach is... a little strange.

The smell of damp tarmac circled the freezing air around me, forcing me to want to throw up.

That's called petrichor (pronounced "petra-core"). I'm not suggesting you use that word, but I just thought that you might to know it (if you didn't already). Great word, innit? ^.^
-------------------------------------

Another novel, eh? You're nuts. But I'm intrigued. This actually reminds me of the first chapter of Can You See Me?: there's a teenage boy who feels uncomfortable at home because he and his dad don't get along. He leaves the house and meets his friends, who are getting drunk and being rowdy, and he doesn't really connect with them but he tries to make himself fit in anyway. Of course, the characters are (somewhat) different, and details are different of course, but the similarities are certainly there. Not that it's necessarily a bad thing. ^.^ Just something that struck me. Anyway, I think there's a lot of potential here. I can see a lot being built up to happen, and histories waiting to be illuminated and such, and I'm curious about where it will all go. But it also feels bare. Some of this might just be because of the "new writing style" you're trying out, but I think it can be avoided.

Firstly, I'd like Charlie to be more fleshed out. Personally, I'm not bothered at all by male characters sounding female or visa versa. What bothers me is when I don't get enough of a sense of the personality to make any conclusions at all about the character. I didn't even notice Charlie sounding feminine... I think the reason people are getting that sense is because all of your character-building is really subtle and so you leave most of Charlie's personality up to the readers' imagination. YWSers, knowing you're a girl (well... sort of, anyway! :P) subconsciously assume your character to be a girl. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but basically all I'm saying is that I want to know Charlie better. I've just spent a whole chapter inside his head supposedly, so I should know what he's thinking about! Did this, by any chance, use to be in third person? Because it's written like it was; we don't see the thoughts and emotions that initiate his actions. All we see is the actions themselves. It's like we're observing him... except we're in his head. :/

I also think you could do better with the idea that he changes when he's with different crowds. I see it with the girl--he definitely changes once he sees her--but I'd like to see it more with the dad. He didn't seem scared of his father as much as disgusted, frustrated, and generally just fed up. But once again, this seems to be what he is showing on the outside because it's what he wants his father to see of him... but I can't tell if it's what he actually feels or not. You say he's scared of his father, but I didn't get that. I honestly couldn't really tell what he feels. He's making snarky comments in his thoughts, but I can't tell if they're genuine. I also can't tell how he feels about his "friends." He's playful and friendly to Austin in his actions, but the actions feel empty--and I can't tell if that emptiness is intentional or not, on your part.

The fight scene was a little hard to follow, and I'm not sure if that's intentional. I'm not really a fair person to talk about this, because I don't like fight scenes in general, but I found myself getting distracted. Half of my mind was wandering while the other side was reading. I really think it's because I had no reason to be interested in the fight. I don't like fights in real life or fiction, so if I don't have a reason to read about one, I just won't. I guess this really boils down to the same thing: make me interested in the character! I don't have to like him, necessarily, but if I am intrigued by him then that will give me another reason to keep reading.

About the gender thing: I say, don't worry about making him sound like a girl. Just because he's male and you aren't doesn't mean you have to make him stereotypical. It's like when men write about women and feel like they have to make them fit the "damsel in distress" mold. In my opinion, gender shouldn't enter into it. If you have a well-defined character in your own head, then just focus on portraying them well and giving your readers a clear idea of who your character is. If we have a good understanding of the character, then we'll know their gender. Personally, just because I'm reading about someone who is afraid, I'm not going to assume that they're female, though I understand that some people might jump to that conclusion--but who cares? Let there be some ambiguity. It's more important to be true to your character. Portraying his gender shouldn't be the priority, portraying his personality should. If he's scared, he's scared. Guys are allowed to feel fear.

Okay, that's pretty much it. I'm sorry I was rather harsh and rambling... I'm sort of tired/stressed/in a bad mood right now, so I'm sorry if I haven't been very fair to you. I also have the sense that I've just made one point, which could have been made in two sentences, in like five gargantuan paragraphs... oh well. Hopefully you'll find it in you to forgive me. Some day. ^.^

As always, let me know if you have questions or comments or anything.

a

Tiger here to review! Comments shall be in bold. Oh and because there aren't many things I needed to point out here, I won't quote the whole story and waste either of our times, I'll just quote the parts I did find mistakes or nitpicks in.

Austin told me that I’d forget about it. He said that it didn’t matter. Running would stop my mind from crashing Perhaps you should italicize this to set it apart was what he told me. Austin lied. My best mate lied to me.

“Don’t you have school or something?” he asked, his voice coarse.
"It’s almost eight o’ clock in the evening.” I chewed my lip. "And it's Saturday..." My voice was barely audible.
He tilted his head, glaring at me as though I’d just smacked him in the face. He cursed, making his way to the sofa I was sitting on, stumbling slightly along the way. After dropping himself down beside me, be picked up a beetbeerbottle from the floor. I shuffled away formfrom him slightly.

“I’m going out,” I mumbled, standing up.

I watched him as he ignored me Charlie doesn't seem too fond of his Dad, shown not only by his thoughts but the way he shifted position. The fact that his father ignores him should almost be a fact of life to him now, and it's strange for him to be watching his father waiting for a reply. Maybe: He ignored me as usual would be better. But of course, I could just be reading far too much into a simple action. , glugging the content of the beer bottle down his throat. Where was my jacket? I glanced at my dad. My eyes scanned the room in search of my black jacket before returning to my father for a moment. I really didn't want to have to ask him... I scratched my head, concentrating on the floor as I spoke.

“Have you seen my jacket?” Another quiet mumble.

My dad turned to me, the light radiating from the lamp beside him unable to lighten the black shadows under his bloodshot eyes. I quickly glanced back down at the dirty floor. May want to mention at the beginning of the paragraph that he looked up from concentrating on the floor the first time.

"Huh?" My father's voice was loud, almost making me jump. "Speak properly, boy. Honestly..."

"Have you seen my coat? The... um, the black one?" I said, slightly louder than before.

“No,” my dad grunted, switching the television on. You mean he was just sitting there before staring at a blank screen? Weird.

I remained on the spot, contemplating what to do next. I'd sworn I'd seen him with it earlier on today... He'd given it to Will, my brother. I scratched my head again.

I bit my tongue, trying to ignore him and his muttered comments. I pulled the door open and paused, watching my father for a moment. I considered saying another goodbye, but it certainly didn't fall through Hmm? I don't believe I'm familiar with this term. By mistake, as I left the room, I slammed the door rather than closing it. As I made my way into the hallway, I heard him yelling at me, cursing even more.

Without giving it a second thought, I gladly left the house. As I stepped outside, I felt like whacking myself. Why couldn't I just tell him to shut up? But I damn This word is sort-of out-of-place here struggled to even think about telling him to do so, let alone putting those thoughts into actions. I was so bloody pathetic sometimes. One sentence, one word... That was all it took. Then why did the insults always remain stuck in my stupid throat?

The wind wrapped itself around me, biting at my bare arms as I dragged my feet up the garden path. The raindrops splashed against my skin, sending chills down my body. It felt as though the terraced houses beside me were towering over me, watching my every move as I passed them. I crossed my arms in the hope of warming myself up; a rather pathetic attempt really.

Reaching the outside of my house wasn't he already outside? Or did you mean outside as in the pavement beyond it or something?, I turned to face it and paused. A simple glance and I could see him through the murky window: my dad Two comments: 1) He can see clearly through all the rain? 2) They don't have blinds in his house that his Dad might have drawn? . It was just as easy to see the bottle of beer in his hand. I turned back around. No way was I going back into that wreck of a place tonight. Being underneath a car was more tempting than spending time in my house. On the bright side, at least my brother wasn't home.

Straightening myself out, I locked my eyes onto the park in the distance He could see the distant park in the rain (which was probably being blown into his eyes in the wind) and in the darkness of the evening?. The red and yellow paint on the climbing frames had almost been washed off completely since the park had been built. No one ever bothered to give them a new coat. It surprised me that I was able to see the dull colours through the mist in the air.

The grass was wet under my feet, almost drowning my Converse. I glanced up into the air to see that the sky wasn’t graced by stars, but ruled by dark clouds. If they burst, I’d have been more than annoyed. I didn’t have any kind of hood or umbrella on me. I couldn't be dealing with walking around in soaked clothes tonight. In this underlined part it seems as if there is no rain. Yet you mentioned several paragraphs above: The raindrops splashed against my skin. You may want to fix this inconsistency.

The group on the field were closer now. They’d just passed the second rugby post when I turned to look at them again. It seemed as though there were only four of them, but theone kid could have easily been classed as two, taking his size into account.

As you can see, not many mistakes. But let me just try and give you a proper review and comment on some aspects of the story.

Charlie Black

I admit, I like your character. He's a noble coward, too afraid to speak up for what's right even though he knows it. There's also a sharp contrast between him and Austin: Charlie is too afraid to speak his mind to his father who he knows reasonably well, whereas Austin (drunk or not) has no qualms about verbally abusing a total stranger. This underlining contrast adds to the story. Also, like I'm sure anyone else who's read the first chapter of Can You See Me?, I noticed some similarities between Charlie and Maxxie (y'know: both hating their dads, hanging around with friends who bad habits and who are out late at night drinking alcohol, even the way they both think is somewhat similar). I'm not saying this is a bad thing, it's just noticeable.

The Girl

I thought she was going to be an important character, what with the way Charlie noticed her and kept focusing on her, what with the way she behaved prior and during the fight. I was actually more than a little surprised when she was killed. I thought she was going to develop into the pivotal core of the story...then again I suppose she still will. I just feel that there was more to discover about her character when she was still alive, though.

Will

Who is this mysterious brother? Is he central to the story? I find it strange how you mentioned him so briefly with little explanation of who he is, considering Charlie ponders all the other characters for some time before moving on to another thing. At least a brief mention of why Charlie doesn't appear to like him might have been nice.

The Story So Far

Interesting. It truly is. You've made the reader curious to know why Charlie hates his father and holds some sort of dislike for his brother. Oh and I'm sort-of curious as to know if he has a mother or not.

You've also created a dilemma: Charlie witnessed a murder (well, it seems to be so far). It will haunt him and he'll probably want to tell the police, but he can't for several reasons: his best friend committed it, and this is partially his fault for not stopping him (at least that's what he probably believes). It doesn't help that the both of them ran from the crime scene, nor that the girl's own friends ran from the crime scene, because now they might not want to be dragged into the affair either. And perhaps worst of all, he has no-one to turn to, because Austin isn't going to want to talk about it.


So all in all, this is a very interesting story. You've created believable characters and a serious dilemma which both drag the reader in. My only advice to you would be to explain things more in the next chapter without making it an info dump. You could expand more on the extent of Charlie and Austin's relationship, what Will and Charlie's Dad have to do with anything, you could talk about the effect of the murder on Charlie mentally and on Austin, indeed on all the boys. But then again, I'm sure you will.

So this is my review, and I hope it helped somewhat. This was a great piece, and KEEP WRITING!

Tiger

P. S. By the way...are you going to continue this?

Hey! Teardrop here to review! : ) First of all, I liked this very much. Starting another novel eh? You're brave. : ) Anyway, I hope you continue this because I like this very very much ( Sorry for the short review. : )

I didn't find many nitpicks, just one in particular.

Skins wrote:its

"its" should be "it's" i believe.

Throughout the chapter, you were very repetetive. My suggestion is to have used a wider vocabulary of words, more of a variety. I'm not nessasarily saying you used the same words in one sentence, because that was okay, but throughout the story you could have used different words. Like "curses" was used a whole bunch, as well as others.

I also thought that there was a lot of characters, more like Lee and Austin, etc. that were introduced quickly. My suggestion, is maybe even in another chapter, would be to tell more about them if you're going to have them later in the novel, maybe give them a background, since characters just don't pop into thin air, they have to have a past and I suggest explaining theirs, and how Charlie feels about them.

Overall, I liked this chapter a lot!

~ Teardrop

Hello! I'm here to do stuff 8D!
Is it me or there was that certain song that kept on repeating itself when I was reading this? Hmm... :l
I did like this very much and I do have to say, I love blood and gore details the most in a story

"What's this, mate? Some gay attack?" I asked him, trying to free myself.

LoL, I will say that someday... someday...

Austin gulped down another four cans of cider. His eyes had gradually become redder, his voice louder and his opinions a hell of a lot stronger.

“Charlie, you seriously.” Hiccup. “Like, really seriously need to try some of this!” Austin held up a new can in his hand. “It does.” Hiccup. “Does wonders, mate!”

I can't believe that he actually got drunk that quickly .-.
How old are they to be exact? I know/think that they're in school.

Austin stared at me, his face twisted. He tilted his head. I was about to speak when I felt something hard whack against my crotch. Austin’s knee.

That... got to... hurt.

Well I actually thought that this was going to be a romance novel ( which I don't like that much, since it makes me cry ) until I read the end, now I'm happy... and feeling a little bit devious too. With MY grammar skill, I would not want to go and fix ( or rather I can't find any since the others kind of correct them already )it.
All I have to say now is... I wuv it! I cannot wait for the next chapter 8D
Yes, you should continue it on, it is very interesting. The opening is... quiet decent. It does get your attention at the end, makes you wonder what's going to happen next.
But I also have a question, GENRE?

Okay not that you needed this reveiw-you have loads! :0
Just to say, I loved your plot. I felt like I was there. I can't really add anything as you already have recieved some great critques.
You have a lot of talent.
Well done, I fel tlike I was there the whole time, when it was over I practically sighed with relief and then I realised It was only a story.
Can't wait for more.
Kaka xx

Hey, Skinso, as promised back in your page, I’m reviewing your story. =) I don’t know though if you’ve changed anything since the time I’ve saved this on my lappie-toppie, but I hope not much.

I'll be using a different format now. (LOL) The old one is boring me... Plus, I could only find a few, so I'm pointing out each. =) And I also feel like blabbering right now. (I swear I didn't eat anything sweet today.)

Austin told me that I’d forget about it. He said that it didn’t matter. Running would stop my mind from crashing was what he told me. Austin lied.

The first sentence didn't strike me much. Probably because of the highlighted sentence. It was plain confusing. Maybe I'll suggest that if you put it in quotation marks it would help the readers not to get confused. But the best solution, in my opinion, is that you rearrange it:

Austin told me that I’d forget about it. He said that it didn’t matter. He said that running would stop my mind from crashing. But Austin lied.

The two He said's add to the flow. =))

Also I suggest that you change the word "crashing". Use something more specific.

Without giving it a second thought, I left the house, the front door slamming even louder than the living room one previously had.

I think this clause should be a separate sentence instead. It was a bit awkward at first. I had to read it again before understanding it. Why it should be a new sentence instead?--because you've already used a lot of clauses. If possible, try to use the simple sentence structure. Using clauses for every sentence lessens variety. When everything is long, and a reader tries to connect fragments and clauses for each new line, you may bore the reader. Don't worry much about short simple sentences. It's only natural to use each kind of sentence structure especially in prose. =)

But, like the previous one, there's an alternative remedy to that if you don't want the clause to be deleted: rearrange! XD

Without giving it a second thought, I left the house, slamming the front door even louder than I'd slammed the door in living room

I crossed my arms in hope of warming myself up; a rather pathetic attempt really.

A semicolon in unnecessary here. I'd suggest a simple comma, or a dash maybe. The highlighted part is just a subordinate clause; it doesn't need a strong punctuation such as this sentence.

Her voice was quiet; only just audible.

The previous sentences are better of with commas really.

“Charlie, you seriously.” Hiccup. “Like, really seriously need to try some of this!” Austin held up a new can in his hand. “It does.” Hiccup. “Does wonders, mate!”

So I'm just not sure with the Hiccup's. But you may ignore this...

I’d have to have been blind not to have noticed this chick.

If we expand the contraction, it would read this:

I would have to have been blind not to have noticed this chick.

So the first have isn't really distracting, as well as the second. But when it came to the third one, ummm... so this isn't really a nitpick. It was just an unusual, thought grammatically right, sentence. Nice one, Skinso...

Lee’s friends began egging him on, calling Austin every name under the sun.

I was thinking, maybe you had meant every, um...for example, mean or bad...or whatever. XD It just seemed lacking an adjective. I see no reason why Austin would call him every name under the sun.

He stared at her too. He hadn’t... I looked at her. He had.

Ummm... O_o yeah, I didn't understand a single sentence there, I'm sorry. I've given up trying to guess what it meant.



So, you asked and I'd have to say: YES! This is definitely enough for a hooking first chapter. XD (*ehem...fan) The style and structure was good. =) I've always looked up to you when it came to characterization. I mean, how do you do it?! The characters seemed so real. *pouts* XD I couldn't actually believe this was your very first. You EDITED IT!!!! *mean look* HAHAHA... it was too good to be your first: the style, the characterization. Nice job, Skinso. You've left me speechless again--for an overall speech, I mean (I kept on dadadada-ing in the nitpick section). :p

Now I'm curious, as usual, about why it's called "Stop and Stare"...

I'm off to read chapter two, and find a cover. (LOL)


~ Jashy ♥

P.S. the only thing I didn't like was the gay part. I didn't find anything in it. I just felt like it was a blank space to fill up and make the chapter longer. But if it's important, ignore me. and oh! I love the fridge part. :p