Almost
By Angela
Victoria wandered around the island of her tiny kitchen. It was late, and she was tired. It had been a long day at the office; office being home. Being in her late 20s just wasn’t the same as being in her early 20s. She poured herself a glass of water and slowly sipped her way through it. She wandered over to the living room of her tiny apartment, flipping the light switch as she walked in. Victoria set her glass down gently on the coaster near the couch, and plopped onto the welcoming rectangle of lumps and mumps. The warm white cushioning rushed up to her and wrapped its arms around her. The couch was worn out and bumpy in some places, but Victoria loved it. It had seen her through so much. Her man, her move… Her life, really. Even though he had been absent for almost a year now, it still held a faint trace of her man if she dug her face in far enough. Victoria sighed. It was going to be one of those nights. The kind where if she wasn’t careful, it would end with her crying her eyes out and shouting about how unfair life was. Fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately), Victoria had enough experiences with these kind of nights that she knew what to do. Find the hottest, youngest guy around and screw his brains out. At his place, of course. She really didn’t need any stalkers staking out her new place. Victoria sighed again.
She knew what she should do. But it was just too much effort. Having to shower again, do her makeup, get dressed in an outfit 2 sizes too small, and then there was the flirting. Having to sit at the bar for what could be an hour before a likely candidate showed up, and then having deal with desperate pawing males just wasn't going to happen tonight. Victoria burrowed deeper into the couch until the blankets resting on top of the headrest fell down on her. It was going to be a very long night.
Just as she was settling in for a FRIENDS rerun, there was a knock at the door. What idiot shows up at this time of night? Victoria thought. Nonetheless, she walked over and checked the peep hole. What she saw made her want to both die and dance for joy.
A man stood outside her door. He had his wrinkled (he never was much good at ironing) office clothes on, battered brief case in hand, and his black hair had that look to it that comes after a stressful day. His eyes though, told it all. A deep shade of blue with light tints of stress, anxiety, and an overpowering look of vulnerability. Victoria turned away from the peephole. She pressed her back flat against the door, panic flowering in her chest. Did she dare open the door? If she did, Victoria knew it was something that would change her entire world. But what if she didn’t? She would be plagued forever with the ‘what if’s and other such questions. The knock came again, and Victoria could practically hear him bouncing on his heels nervously. He had always had his annoying habits. She took one deep calming breath, and opened the door. The man stood there, a nervous smile upon his lips. Oh those lips… thought Victoria. Before Victoria knew what was happening, she was having surprisingly vivid flashbacks to those lips all over her body. Her lips, her neck… Victoria mentally shook herself. But despite her best efforts, a light, sensual shiver shook her spine. She folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe. A cold stare accompanied her words,
“What do you think you are doing here?”
He said,
“My car broke down up the street. It’s pouring rain out. I saw your name on the apartment buzz-me-in list.” The man shrugged. Victoria quirked one eyebrow and said,
“ I'm not sure what the best way to put this is, but I don't care."Victoria made to shut the door, tears already pricking at her eyes. But a strong hand stopped it from shutting all the way. Such wonderfuly strong hands... The man poked his head in the crack and said,
“I’m sorry.” Staring at the carpet, Victoria said,
“Well, I’m sorry too. That it took you so long to come back. But things change. For all you know, there’s a man in my bed waiting for me to come back so we can make wild and crazy love on our wedding night.” The man quickly cut in,
“Is there?” The hurt in his eyes drove needles farther than through Victoria’s heart. She opened her mouth, but quickly shut it again. Was she really willing to lie to Remington? Victoria opened her mouth again and said,
“No.” Although he tried to hide it, the joy in Remington’s eyes was obvious. He continued,
“Victoria… I’ve missed you.” He moved in to kiss her lips, but Victoria turned her head so he only caught her cheek. His lips were as tender as ever. She looked at him, and tears continued pricking at her eyes as she said,
“I’ve missed you too. But have you thought that I might have a life now? Maybe after you left, I went running straight into you brother’s arms. He was always so kind to me.” The man shook his head and said,
“But you didn’t. I called and asked him.” Victoria was getting a little desperate now. She had to prove she wasn’t totally dependent on him. She said,
“Well, maybe I have a kid. Maybe there is a baby girl sleeping in a crib in my room. Maybe she’s getting ready to wake up and need me.” Remington shook his head and said,
“There isn’t one.”
“How do you know?”
“I just know.” Victoria sighed in exasperation. She unfolded her arms and said,
“Well, your ‘just know’ wrong. Her name is Alexandria.” Remington stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes widened. Victoria nodded and continued, “Yeah, that’s right. I have a wonderful baby girl, and she doesn’t need a father. I sure didn’t. Besides, I’m not even sure who her father is.” Victoria cut off, and her hands flew to her mouth, but the damage was done. Remington seemed to cave in on himself. He sank to the floor outside Victoria’s door. His eyes showed so much hurt that Victoria almost bent down to hold him and let him cry into her. But she didn’t. She sat down across from him, her back leaning against the door. Remington was staring down into his lap, and Victoria watched. He glanced up at her, looking for the world like an abandoned puppy as he said,
“Is it true?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see her?” Victoria hesitated. Remington had broken her heart --left her in a proverbial gutter-- almost a year ago. Now he wanted to just waltz back into her life and see her baby girl? She sighed and said,
“Yes.” She got up and helped Remington from where he had collapsed. She led him through her small apartment to her baby’s small room. Silently, she pushed the door open and Remington followed her inside like a shadow.
Little Alexandria lay in her yellow sheets, sleeping peacefully. She was wrapped in them tightly, and Victoria couldn’t help but reach down and pick up her little girl. Miraculously, Alexandria stayed asleep, and Victoria kissed the little girl’s head. Remington looked on, the overwhelming display of affection between mother and daughter slipping into his heart and awakening some dormant feelings he never knew he had. The urge to hold and protect the two girls was so powerful he almost wrapped Victoria in his arms, but he restrained himself. Victoria smiled down at her baby, the love in her eyes abundant. Remington walked the few steps it took to reach Victoria and he whispered,
“Can I hold her?” Victoria turned to him, and was surprised when her nose brushed his. Without breaking eye contact with him, she nodded. Gently, she passed her baby girl over to him, and he enveloped Alexandria with a tenderness Victoria didn’t know he still had. How could someone so tender have hurt her so much? He smiled down at Alexandria as she slept, and whispered, “Hello sweetheart.” Victoria felt a trusting warmth envelope her being. She whispered so quietly she was surprised her,
“I lied, you know.” He looked questioningly over at her. Victoria took a deep breath and murmured, “Alexandria is yours. I tried to pretend she wasn’t at first, but she is.” Remington stared at her, glanced down at Alexandria, and then back to Victoria. He whispered so Victoria could barely hear him,
“She’s mine? My daughter?” Victoria took a deep breath and nodded. He grinned down at Alexandria, a new glint in his eyes. He shifted her so he held Alexandria in one arm, and placed the now free limb around Victoria’s shoulders. Almost against her will, Victoria leaned into him. He still smelled like soft-serve ice cream. It was the familiar smell of him that finally caused the floodgates to open, and tears started streaming down Victoria’s face. Remington looked over to her, and was shaken to the very core when he saw Victoria was crying. Carefully, he put Alexandria back in her crib and led Victoria out into the living room after quietly shutting the baby’s door. He settled Victoria into the couch and he sat down next to her, pulling her onto his lap. She leaned her head against his chest and cried quietly. Alec stroked her hair.
In the almost 3 years they had been dating before the incident, he had never seen Victoria cry. Not once. They had watched sad movies, gone to funerals, and even had to have her dog euthanized, but not once had she cried. It had always been stony silence of acceptance.
Slowly, Victoria stopped crying. By the time that had happened, she had already gone to Alexandria twice when she cried, and slowly rocked her back to sleep. Remington had accompanied her both times. As they returned the second time, Victoria sat down on one end of the couch and Remington sat down on the other. She sighed and said,
“So now what? You know that Alexandria is yours, and you’ve seen me cry. Anything other hell-froze-over things you need to hear?” Remington sighed and said,
“I think we need to talk about why we split up.” Victoria leaned down with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands and said,
“Remy, in case you didn’t catch on, I’ve had a bit of a rough night. Do we really have to talk about your secretary and her size-Ds right now?” Alec stood up scooted over and took Alexandria’s hands in his and said,
“This is what I was always trying to explain: It wasn’t how it looked. Do you want to hear my side of the story?” Victoria leaned back on the couch and closed her eyes. She said,
“Not particularly. But go ahead; I might as well get this over with.” Remington sighed and said,
“Thank you. Lauren came in to hand me some files. I noticed she was crying, so I cleared off a space on my desk for her to sit down. The chairs were being used for a big meeting. She burst out and explained how she had just had a really bad breakup with her boyfriend. I gave her a hug and told her how awful that was. When I stepped back, she started saying how I had always been good to her, and she started taking off her clothes. I tried to stop her by grabbing her wrists. And, that’s when you walked in. That’s it. Nothing else happened.” Victoria nodded, trying to process this as best she could. She said,
“So… the fact she had the biggest breasts I have ever seen in my entire life is just a coincidence?” Remington nodded and said,
“Well, not really. The guys who hired her were looking for something new to ogle since you stopped coming to the office all the time.” Victoria smiled and said,
“Actually, the only reason I came that day was to tell you I was pregnant. When I saw you with that whore, I just couldn’t stand the idea that my baby—who was already born out of wedlock—was going to grow up like me: with a father who was always screwing the secretary. I couldn’t do that to an innocent child.” Remington nodded. He took Victoria’s chin and turned her face to his. He said in an undertone,
“I know. I’m sorry I hurt you so much,” There was a long pause before he continued, “Victoria, I’ve always loved you. I know I always will. All those months we were apart, all I did was think about you. And I want to be able to stop resorting to thinking about you and actually see you. Every day. For the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” Victoria let out a small gasp. Remington’s eyes shined at her in the sunset’s fading light. She replied in a rush,
“No.”
Remington’s shoulders drooped; his whole face fell in on itself all over again. Now it was her turn to force him to face her as she continued, “No, I won’t marry you right now. I understand that you want to take me back with a grand sweeping gesture, but I haven’t seen you in a year. You could have changed. I know I’ve changed since then. We have a daughter, for crying out loud. I need to know if you can be a good husband and a good father. I need to know that if you changed, it was for the better, and you need to know the same about me. I won’t marry you right now. But maybe, after we’ve been dating for a little longer… we’ll see when we get there.” Victoria gently kissed Remington’s cheek. He nodded as she pulled back and said,
“You’re right. I’m being impulsive,” There was a pause; “I suppose I should probably leave. I think the rain’s cleared up.” He got up. Victoria smirked up at him and said,
“There was never any rain. I would have noticed.” Remington smiled sheepishly. Victoria stood up too and continued, “You know, I’m not doing anything this Friday. We could get together then.” Remington smiled at her and said,
“Pizza and I’ll make the Box Office run?” Victoria laughed and said,
“You know me too well.” Remington walked to the door; Victoria gave him a hug. As he walked down the hall of her apartment complex, Victoria waved and mouthed,
“’Bye.” He waved back and mouthed,
“I love you.” Victoria smiled and a warmth enveloped her she hadn't felt in over a year. Things weren't perfect and they never would be, but improvement was inevitable.
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