Young Writers Society

THE WISDOM OF MR FOX

I think this was pretty cool. I like that the narrator is asking a fox all these questions that would normally be turned to God or society or who-not. It's sort of a Walt Whitman, enumeration thing here - the poem is largely made up by a list of questions that keeps the reader going until the end to see how the fox will respond.

And by the way, that response? My favorite part. I love that the fox says that he can't answer because he can't talk - but he just DID talk. It's great.

Great piece- it really does remind me of Walt Whitman's work.

The ending was superb, original and ironic in more ways than one. Really excellent write- I wasn't sure about it at the beginning, but the end really brought it together. Nice job!

-Coral-

Haha! I loved it. AS the last person said it was a ironic ending, and I liked it! But... why ask a fox all of these things. Even if he is clever? Why would he know why the idiotic human does what it does? Jkjkjk I loved this!

I love this. It's so real.. But absolutely not.. And the ending where the fox speaks is genius I love your wording and the ENDINGGG again .. Fantastic.

When I read the title I was a bit unsure that I would like the poem. Well this is coming from a girl who's friend dressed up as a princess last Halloween because she just loves princesses and not for a joking factor. But I was surprised. The wording was completely delectable and tantalizing! It gave me a sort of Aesop's fables feel, which is not a bad thing. I enjoyed Aesop's fables since I was very young. But morally I like that the point was, some questions can stay unanswered. Please keep writing!

Thanks for all the comments guys, this was the second poem I ever wrote after Don't Cry Child (which based on comments, isn't quite as good as this one). Thanks, and I will definitely KEEP WRITING!

TIGERSPRITE

Hey, I really liked this! It was unique, and I LOVE the ending. Ha ha . Really goes well with the title.
I don't really have any criticism to make: everyone else nailed it for me, pretty much.
So, yes ... this poem brought a smile to my face and I loved the theme of it. A great piece of work.
God bless,
Ignis ( :

Tiger, the immediate response I got from just viewing the structure of this poem caught me, and I felt compelled to read on. Here is my review.

TIGERSPRITE wrote:THE WISDOM OF MR FOX

One day, I met a fox
Coming down the roadside
He nodded in greeting and
Turned to the thicket

The title of this poem gives the impression of personification, which sets up an expectation. We'll see if that's met.
By the first line, I can pick up on an intention to divide time from subject, or perhaps the hope of expectation met (I'll consider this a theme). Through the second line there is a loose setting, which is continued into the fox's action in line three and even continued into line four with further progression of the fox. I would highly advise a period at the end of line 2. I can tell you are experimenting with enjambment, and that's great!
Do not get carried away though and lose the sense of punctuation and complete thoughts or this poem would literally read in one entire breath from line to line to line until there is a sign of a completed thought.
One small suggestion, how about a "," after greeting? A nice indication of intended enjambment there then.

And I implored of him:
‘Mr Fox, I implore of you
Who am I, and from whence did I come
For I forget

Hmm. I am not fond of the first four lines, I suppose we can call all of these quatrains, not being concluded in some way by themselves. The first quatrain was decently ended with "Turned to the thicket", but beginning the next with "And" is a weak opening narrative choice because "and" must continue or connect thought, yet it does not imply anything of reason or value. Also, what does this narrator "implore of him", the fox? Implore means to plead, but the connotation of the word leads to action in this case. If, it's merely part of a question you only need implore here, "Mr Fox, I implore", partly for what I just said, and you already stated you are asking him something. Decide if "on him" or "of you" is wha you want to keep. By the way, don't repeat "implored...implore" within a line of each other, and for the record, the same would go for any word like that repeated anywhere in such a short poem.

Mr Fox, why doth Man fight?
Why the war, why all
The bloodshed and bane of disunity?
Why is it so, Mr Fox?

Enjambment across quatrains, I'm not sure you should try that, merely because the ideas don't seem fully developed (I get the feeling from the second to the third, they aren't connected though. Am I wrong?). Is "doth" really appropriate here? Seeing "whence" is fine, but this sticks out like a sore thumb. I'm also curious why the lack of a period after "Mr", is this supposed to signal the fox's illegitimate status as "Mr."? Or a lack of certainty?
In the second line of this quatrain, "why all/ The bloodshed and bane of disunity?/" the third following line is odd in receiving the enjambment you set up. It reads: WHY the WAR, why ALL/ the BLOODshed and BANE of DISunity?, from stressing syllables. In terms of meter, the third is uniquely different from other lines here, due to "of", which changes the stressed syllable. Consider as well, "bane of disunity", and what that means. You are implying disunity is a state that is adverse to what is some perceived norm. Is it? The idea you link to it also is bloodshed. Are these ideas interchangeable? As is now, this is the implication.

Mr Fox, why doth Man
So mighty, so proud
Remain ever on the ground?

Is there a reason for this to be a tercet? It's the only exception to the quatrains throughout.
My only question here is what you mean in by man "remain ever on the ground". This is too abstract and unclear, and even if the fox is supposed to just able to understand, this is something the reader simply doesn't quite see. Some ambiguity, great; don't overdo it.

Mr Fox, why doth the Beast
Be in the bush, water or air
Not speak like Man
But bleat and roar, tweet and caw?

Mr Fox, why doth we live?
Why do we grow, raise younglings
And live just long enough to see that
The World is changing for the worse?

Mr Fox, why is it that
Of all the Men and all the Beasts
Only the mighty Eagle and the Blind
Ones, may look into the Sun?

Mr Fox, why do we die? And where
To go? To pearly white gates,
Perhaps the flesh once again or
Nothing at all?

Mr Fox, I do implore thee
Answer me, relieve me of
The burden of idle
Curiosity.’

Well, repetition and parallel structure with more enjambment, more archaic language and then mixed with a modern saying, and overall the same imploring first stated. The conflict is fully exposed here I believe: a struggle between a sense of self and a lack of control of one's surroundings. The fleeting nature of conservatism, perhaps failing to adhere to it in old age, and pitying youth. I can't say I find these quatrains compelling though, despite seeing those themes. The problem is I don't see why this "Mr Fox" matters. Or why he's being questioned. Perhaps because Fox's are seen as being wily and cunning, but this is apparently a fox held to very high standards of intelligence.

The fox appraised me, and said:
‘Young human, I know not, for I
Am just a fox, and we talk not.’
It disappeared into the thicket.

Appraised? Seeing your value? Trying to see your personal worth? Can a fox that seemingly does not speak and will not interact with humanity, but is personified to be like human qualities, appraise something as we know it? I really, really don't like the fox speaking. Something about it strikes me as forced. Is that the effect that this poem is really asking for? It's the only part of the poem I will admit I think is no good 100%, besides the final line. This last line is fine if the fox does not speak. However, your approach to doing this is your choice.

Tiger, I critiqued this with the intention of hammering out your line structure and what those imply is happening; not hammering as if it's bad, this is a tall task you've given yourself. Right now I feel it's about the chaos of life and a sense of humanity being a lost cause, while this fox is quizzically some source of answers. This would be ok, but, you focus exclusively on narration and diction, while tone and description or explanation is next to none in the narrator's current position in life or about this fox. Provide more foundation for where these questions arise, because as of right now, the narrator just seems very crazy or lonely: they're talking to a fox about the unanswerable questions we all face. That is fine in terms of theme, but come halfway for the reader to see your intentions a little more clearly.

Your line structure and syllable decision are quite involved too, so this isn't easy with what you're presenting yourself. Consider using some Romantic era symbols, use more allusions to nature or the state of humanity now, etc. This will help convey meaning you are aiming for. Good luck and thanks!

edit: Just realized that I didn't explicate on the title of this poem. Really that is the question I presented which guides my review. If this fox is wise, then why does this matter or why is it so?

Hello! This was very well written. It was so cute and sweet. It seemed very old-fashioned. (Which is not a bad thing.) As other users have commented, it does have a Walt Whitman/Aesop tone to it. Nature based and morals. Other than a few spelling mistakes, there were no grammatical errors. It is very unique and adds its own quality to it. Which makes it all the more fun to read! This poem has potential. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job!
~Ballerina

While making people in my WRFF thread, I'm here reviewing my friends' works. LOL I'm mean...haha. Anyway, here it goes.

I've never read a poem by you before, and you must know: YOU'RE GREAT! How do you do it? I love the rhythm. The format was cool; centering it adds to it. *shrugs* The ending was cool. LOL I don't know what else to say. So there... I found it a bit amusing, too.

Sorry for the lousy review. I'm off for lunch.

~ Jash ♥

Haha, I started laughing at the end. By telling you that he can't talk, isn't the fox talking? Fantastic.
This is such a great piece. Normally I don't care for pieces that are mostly interrogative, but you had me going all the way through with this one. Thoughtful questions, topped off with an awesome response. We simply just don't know/can't know the answer to some questions, I suppose. Great work!

This is really cool. It's not something that somebody might write about, but it's pretty good actually. The way the characters link is very accurate and it's odd but weirdly interesting. So well done, you must be good at writing poetry. I could pick a few pointers up off of your work and writing skills when I start writing more poetry.
Happy writing!

Hahahahaaha. I love the fox's reply. It's so ingenious. You expect him to say something so earth-shattering and then it's like "foxes can't talk. sorry." ;3 cute.