Young Writers Society

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Hey there Ember!

Well first off I'm confused, is this your script, or something you acted in?

It's a very good script, but a few minor things that needs fixing.
A bunch of the characters speech isn't capitalized at the beginning which is a huge pet peeve of mine, so could you just fix that?

Also the ending, it sounds a little too...evil if you will. It's a little too perfect in what a villainess would say, sound too much like it was pulled from the pages of a book. So make it a little more realistic okay?

Good luck and keep writing!

Thanks for the review!

The answer to your question is....Both! I wrote it and acted in it. I'll fix the caps thing!

My aim wasn't to make her realistic - I wanted it to be an escape from reality, so I gave her characteristics from the extreme end of the spectrum.

Hey etherealember,

Here as requested (and it's my pleasure, believe me )

Now, first I must mention that I've never reviewed a play script before. In grammar, this I noticed:

Vivica Montgomery – an evil woman, hell-bend on gaining the fortune denied her in her family inheritance

It's 'hell-bent'

And, being the generous soul that I am, I’m willing to impart this knowledge to you (she takes a sip of wine)

There's no period.

And that's it.

So far, I'm intrigued. You say that she will explain how she's gained her wealth which means that she's somehow found her loophole. Intriguing. And I have no problem with her being an evil villainess, no problem at all. It fits her character, kind of like Cruella Deville, you know?

So far, I really enjoy, would you pm me for the next?

Tanya

As promised, I made it here! xD
Oh, and you asked if I did art? I do...but they won't be the best.

Well, it seems that most of things have been covered. It's very well-done and it's got my interest already.
Personally, I agree with you on the villianess. Making her unrealisticly evil adds mystery and it's just...more interesting in general.

I'm off to review scene 3!