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Acomia- Land of Dragon Trainers- part 2



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Thu Oct 15, 2009 6:39 pm
Pretty Crazy says...



“Linder, there you are.” I turn at the sound of my name. It’s Thomas, the human in charge of helping new dragons. He’s a young human, sixteen, about the same age as Sarika.

“Hey, you look awesome in your new armour.”

Thomas pats my neck. I’m not sure why humans think us dragons love slaps on the neck all time, but we love those two-leggeds anyway. Why shouldn’t we? They feed us and help us develop our skills to the best they can be. And they feed us too. Oh yeah, I said that already.

I go with Thomas to the training camp. We leave the buildings and houses of town and walk down the country road. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and the plants have a vivid green to them.

It’s a beautiful day to begin my training.

Almost too perfect . . .

I don’t know how, I just sense it. Before I even think I jump on Thomas, knocking him to the ground, shielding him with my body. The explosion happens right behind us. I close my eyes. I can feel the heat through my armour. Thomas screams. Chunks of dirt fly everywhere.

Then as fast as it happened; it’s over. Slowly, we both stand up. We look around. There a no buildings damaged, simply because there are none in the countryside. But there are fields. That’s where we find the crater. I hurry to look over the edge. It’s unexpectedly deep, about twelve feet. At the bottom there’s a dragon. He’s bent in an uncomfortable position, but it looks like he’s still alive.

I draw my head back in surprise. How did he cause an explosion?
Thomas catches up. (Humans can be so slow.)
“Morengo?” Apparently Thomas knows him.
The dragon groans and lifts his front claws.

“I‘m coming down.” Thomas begins to slide down the sides of the crater. There isn’t enough room for me at the bottom so I stay where I am.

“Are you OK?” Thomas puts his hand on the dragon’s head. I now notice Morengo has a natural mask covering his face. Besides that his entire body is red except for his stomach, which is gold color.

“I’m fine.” He replies in dragon tongue. Thomas can't understand him but I can. To prove his point, he tries to lift his upper body up. His left leg gives in and he falls back down.

“Careful!” Thomas cries. “Stay still. I think something’s broken.”
Morengo grunts reluctantly but he does as Thomas says and stays still.
Thomas picks his way around him and examines the leg.

“It’s not broken, just badly sprained.” He looked up at Morengo’s wing. “But I can’t say the same for your wing.” Thomas looks up at me. “Linder, help get him out. Come down here, you can support some of his weight.”

I hesitate. Memories of dirt and rock caving-in return. Pounding, crushing, breathlessness.

“Linder!”

I must do it. For Thomas.

Reluctantly, I begin declining slowly down the burnt, crumbling dirt. Finally I reach the bottom.

Morengo tries once again to get to his feet. This time he succeeds. I lower my neck and head under his left arm in order to get it over my shoulders. I stand up. I can feel his weight now. He is trying not to put too much on me, I can tell by the way his other legs are straining. Morengo is taller than me, his shoulder is about two feet higher than mine.

“Ready?” I ask.

He nods, grimacing. Obviously his broken wing is hurting him. I’m surprised at the little damage he’s taken. Nothing should be able to survive that kind of explosion. Not even a dragon.

We take a few steps forward, the first of many, I’m sure. Thomas stays at the bottom, encouraging us on.

“Come on, you can do it.”

I push up with my hind legs. We are now completely on the slope. Slowly, but steadily, we make progress. I’m sure we look stupid. Like that three legged race the humans sometimes play. Loose dirt and rock make it slippery and hard to get a good grip. I have to dig my claws in order to keep from falling back down. Every muscle in my legs are straining.
After what seemed like hours, we finally made it to the top. We both collapsed, exhausted, but thankful for level ground.

Morengo stands up. I now get a closer look at him. His body has a lot of burns and cuts, his left wing hangs uselessly on his side. Thomas scrambles up beside us.

“We have to get Morengo back to camp.”
I nod in agreement, but the question is: How? I am not carrying him again.
Thomas seems thoughtful as well, or is that hungry? Human faces are so hard to read.

“OK, Linder, you fly ahead to the camp and see if you can get some help.”
I raise an ‘eyebrow’ (even though I technically don’t have one).

“What?” Thomas doesn’t get the message. He rubs his fingers on his chin.
I wait patiently.

“Oh!” He finally concludes. “Right, you can’t get help because you can’t tell them why.”
I stand up and move off a few paces. I sigh. All I wanted was to start my training today. Is that too much to ask?!

“I can still walk. . . Somewhat.” It’s Morengo who speaks. He is trying to balance on three feet. He takes two hops forward and stops, smiling. “See?”

“Alright, I’ll go get help.” Thomas says. “Linder you stay with Morengo, start walking towards the training camp. I’ll be back soon.” He jogs up the road. We watch until he disappears around the bend. Now it’s just me and Morengo.

“Well, better start walking.” Morengo said. He hobbles off the direction Thomas went.
I’m not sure what to say now that Thomas is gone, so we walk in silence. We’re traveling very slowly. I look down and watch a beetle scurry away from under my feet.
I hear a bird singing off in the distance. Everything has returned to normal now that the explosion is over (well, except for the field. Poor farmer).

“Nice armour. Is it new?” Morengo asks casually after a minute.

“Yes, I just got it today.” I lift my head and smile. But there is still one question I have to ask:

“How did you cause that explosion?”
Instantly his eyes look away. The trace of a smile he had on his lips is gone.

“It was an accident.” He said.
I waited for more, watching him eagerly.

“You’re not settling for that, are you?” Morengo sighed. He seemed reluctant to tell me for some reason. “I was training. You see, I don’t breath fire. I become-”

“Hey dragons!” Thomas shout comes from overhead. I look up, he’s sitting on the back of his own dragon who is hovering just above our heads. Eyj, a dragon instructor for the camp. She is pure white, an albino. Even though she is pretty old she is still beautiful. Her red eyes have a spark to them I cannot explain. It’s like they can see right through you.

Eyj lands in front of us and Thomas jumps off. She is about the same size as Morengo. So once again, I’m the smallest dragon.

I can’t help but wonder how she can help. My question is answered very quickly. I watch as she walks over to Morengo.

“Hold still.” Her voice is like a whisper. Soft but strong.
Eyj places her right forefoot on Morengo’s left shoulder. She closes her eyes.


“Hey what-” Morengo stops mid-sentence.
Eyj’s claws begin to glow a warm, pulsing light. She opens her eyes. I gasp, they’re glowing too. She takes her forefoot off and the glowing in her eyes fade away.
Morengo lifts his left foot and stares at it. He wiggles his claws then sets his foot on the ground to test his weight.

He looks up at Eyj. “Thank you.” He musters.

I notice his wing is still broken. It still hangs broken and bleeding.

“Eyj, how come you didn’t heal his wing too?” As soon as I say it I realize how childish
it sounds. I really am amazed at how she’s healed his leg.

Eyj laughs, it’s not rude, more like the kind a mother would give a young child.

“I’m not as young as I used to be. That is all that is needed for Morengo to walk back to camp.”

I nod understandingly.

Thomas pats Eyj. “Good job.” Than to the rest of us: “Let’s go.”

:wink:
Last edited by Pretty Crazy on Sat Oct 17, 2009 7:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Thu Oct 15, 2009 8:34 pm
infinite reality says...



HI, its IR to review this story. Its a pleasure, and i just realized that you were the one to review mine the last. (Fire Burns Deep) Ok, i haven't read the first parts, but, I'll start with this one because it has zero reviews. Excuse me if my critiques make drastic leaps because it's pretty long, for my attention span anyway.

I’m not sure why humans think us dragons love slaps on the neck all time,


It should be "we" dragons.

OK, i read further and realized you have a good writing style, but a very boring one. NO offense, but you need to do a lot less telling and a lot more showing. For instance,

He’s a young human, sixteen, about the same age as Sarika.


To make it more interesting for the reader, describe some young features about him so the reader can conclude it themselves without you having to come out and say it.

I'm so sorry, my mom's making me take a nap, im going to a rock concert tonight. Goodluck. Keep writing.
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Fri Oct 23, 2009 1:34 am
PatriciaTina says...



Hey again! Here I am to review as promised! So let's get started! :D

Nit-Picks

The explosion happens right behind us. I close my eyes. I can feel the heat through my armour. Thomas screams. Chunks of dirt fly everywhere.


This is a bit clunky. Maybe make your sentences a bit longer so that it's not clunky.

Then as fast as it happened; it’s over. Slowly, we both stand up. We look around. There a no buildings damaged, simply because there are none in the countryside. But there are fields. That’s where we find the crater. I hurry to look over the edge. It’s unexpectedly deep, about twelve feet. At the bottom there’s a dragon. He’s bent in an uncomfortable position, but it looks like he’s still alive.


Again, this is also a bit clunky and awkward. Maybe reword it a bit.

Thomas catches up. (Humans can be so slow.)


The brackets make it kind of awkward and clunky. It would work just as well if you added that into the first sentence, and it'll make it less clunky as well.

Thomas begins to slide down the sides of the crater.


You might want to change sides to side. Your choice though.

which is gold color.


Should be 'gold colored'.

I lower my neck and head under his left arm in order to get it over my shoulders. I stand up. I can feel his weight now.


Too many 'I this' and 'I that''s in a row there. Maybe switch up the sentence starters a bit.

Like that three legged race the humans sometimes play.


Haha, love it! :D

We both collapsed, exhausted, but thankful for level ground.


Change of tense. Gotta watch out for that! :wink:

I now get a closer look at him. His body has a lot of burns and cuts, his left wing hangs uselessly on his side.


'His body has a lot of burns and cuts, and his left wing hangs uselessly on his side.'

I raise an ‘eyebrow’ (even though I technically don’t have one).


Bit awkward. :o

Is that too much to ask?!


Try not to use two different types of punctuation. It doesn't help your writing, and it's just as effective if you only use one.

You see, I don’t breath fire.


Breath: My breath.
Breathe: I don't breathe fire.

Make sure you don't mix those up. I see it a lot, and it's easy to do, but also easy to catch. Make sure that you look out for stuff like that when editing etc.

“Thank you.” He musters.


Mutters.

“Eyj, how come you didn’t heal his wing too?” As soon as I say it I realize how childish

it sounds. I really am amazed at how she’s healed his leg.


No reason for a new paragraph.

Thomas pats Eyj. “Good job.” Than to the rest of us: “Let’s go.”


Then. Also, this is kind of awkward as well. Maybe reword a bit.

That's it for the nit-picks.

Overall

Overall, this is a good continuation, and I like the different point of view. For some reason, I just love stories like this.

But I did notice that this was a bit lacking in the description area. Mostly, you're just telling us what happened. Instead of just saying I did this, then this happened, and adding a tiny bit of description in between, maybe take a few paragraphs to describe the settings to us.

This will also help make it more interesting, and you know how much readers love interesting stories!

But that's about all I have to say for now. Good job! I can't wait to read the next part! Make sure you let me know when it's up. :D

I guess I'll see you around though. Bye bye!

~ Trish :smt006
~ Patricia Tina :smt006

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Spoiler! :
I lost the game.

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Fri Oct 23, 2009 7:54 am
Storm_Bringer says...



Wahh!!!! I'm sorry! I did a super long post and then when I submitted it there was a problem!!! So now it's deleted and I have to do it all over again! Wahh!!! (Sorry, I'm really lazy)

Anyways, to sum it up it was a review on dialogue punctuation, then something about started your chapters to make it easier to see who is the narrator, and then places where you could use more details. So... Here it goes. Again...

Dialogue Punctuation
This is just a review because I'm not sure if you know this or not...
For writing dialogue the punctuation is special. When you use dialogue tags (ex: she said, he mutters, Jason asked, etc) you use a comma before the second quotation mark. So basically, instead of a period in a regular sentence it would be a comma. For example:
"Thank you very much," she says politely. OR "Haha, that's funny," he said, giggling.
Also, when you do this the first letter after the quotation marks AREN"T caps. Ex:
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," She muttered to herself. WroNG! AND the ones above are all correct.
Also it's the same rules with other punctuation instead of a comma you could use a question mark or exclamation mark. PM me if you are still confused. You could also look for articles in the Writing Resources for more about this.
~~~

When I read this chapter I was a bit confused about who the narrator was since she wasn't mentioned much in the first chapter. Although this might just be because I'm slow... Something you can do to reduce that confusion is this:
Linden~ then you press ENTER and start your chapter. This helps because it lets the reader know who is narrating and you don't have to write the narrators name in the first sentence or so. Of course, if you do this in one chapter it'd be best to keep on doing it.
This story is nice, so far. But, there is no force that draws readers to it. Although, I'm sure once the plot unfolds it will get much better.
~~~

Okay... So, there was some places that could use more details. For ex. the healing process. The healing/glowing stuff is nice, although a bit old, but you could do much more. Let your imagination take you beyond regular. Do something dramatic! Also Merengo's reaction to the healing is a bit... Flat. He needs more emotions, reactions, personality! This is something you need to work on a bit more with your characters. Bring them to life! Give them personality, their own style, emotions!!! This is a bit hard at first, but it will get better. Another place for more details is the armor. This is more in the first chapter though. It's new and she just made it. DEscribe it!!! What was the metal from? Fallen star? Meteoroid? Rare rock? And what does it look like? What is it's color? It is sharp, dull? Does is have any special features? Spikes, head piece? There are so many things you can do with this!
~~~

No nitpicks this time, ChocoCat seemed to have get most of them! Oh, and sorry this review took a while... I didn't see it on my thread. So... Sorry, sorry! Good job, it was a nice story. Keep writing! Feel free to post in my thread the other chapters or other works! I'd love to do them!

<3 Stormy!
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Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:17 pm
AquaMarine says...



Hi there, here as requested! Sorry it's so late - you caught me at a busy time!

Nitpicks:

Almost too perfect . . .

Ugh, this line is way too overused. I mean, even if dragons do have a sixth sense then surely there's a better way to put it?

Before I even think I jump on Thomas, knocking him to the ground, shielding him with my body.

This sentence feels a little awkward. Perhaps it would be better if you rephrased it as:
"Without thinking I jump onto Thomas, knocking him to the ground and shielding him with my body."

The explosion happens right behind us. I close my eyes. I can feel the heat through my armour. Thomas screams. Chunks of dirt fly everywhere.

I'd link the sentences together. Short sentences are really good for impact when they're used sparingly but this is too much.

Slowly, we both stand up. We look around

I'd just make it "we stand up and look around"

Thomas catches up. (Humans can be so slow.)

I'm with Trish; this is clunky.

I raise an ‘eyebrow’ (even though I technically don’t have one).

That's really awkward. It'd be better if you said something along the lines of her looking at him amusedly. Y'know?

“Hey dragons!” Thomas shout comes from overhead. I look up, he’s sitting on the back of his own dragon who is hovering just above our heads. Eyj, a dragon instructor for the camp. She is pure white, an albino. Even though she is pretty old she is still beautiful. Her red eyes have a spark to them I cannot explain. It’s like they can see right through you.

Again, I think you need to link some of your sentences together.

The rest of the nitpicks I was going to point out were just a few clunky sentences later on in the chapter. Basically, you just need to read through and work out which sentences you can make longer!

Overall:
I think you need a little more description in here. Give us some imagery or something! For instance, Morengo - you could use a lot more than one line to describe a dragon!
But I did really enjoy this and I look forward to seeing some more chapters!

Hope this helped!
~Amy
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Fri Oct 30, 2009 8:09 am
Palantalid says...



Sorry this is a little late...

Yeah, I won't do any nitpicks because too may people have gone into those already. Just a few pointers and comments, okay?

Firstly, about the title- You'd profit a good bit from nixing the 'Land of Dragon Trainers'. If you still want online readers to get a gist so that they will want to read your work, add something that could perhaps be more drawing, perhaps less to do with the premise of the world in your story and more to do with the premise of the story itself (i.e. about the events your story recounts".

Secondly, from the two parts of the series I have read, I was not greatly impressed (you wanted opinions). If you haven't already, you need to ask yourself what is drawing readers to keep reading your story. You have a fantasy world (which apparently seems to be based entirely on dragons and them being trained), a friendly bunch of humans and dragons and two things that could keep the reader reading...what is it that made Linder fear going down the slope, and what really happened to Morengo (was it really like he said it was). Personally, I thought that your voice as a writer has also developed some uniqueness. That's awesome, because you're not far from making people read simply on the basis of how you write. The theme though is a little ragged.

I know, you find dragons fascinating...the stories you have read about them are awesome and you can't help wanting to create something of your own about them. But ask yourself, here and now, what you can tell the world about dragons and the land they live in and their relationship with humans that hasn't already been told. If you find that the very spine of your story, that being how you portray the unique characteristics of your world, consists only of things that have been read by you, and if you still want to write this story for others to read, then you have to go right back all the way to thinking about what exactly a dragon is to you. Add on to it realistically- how does the training centre function, what is unique about this hamlet? Is there a government? In what ways does having dragons around make your world different from the real one? The characters are also kind of shallow right now. Try basing them off of people you already know. Soon, you'll realise how deep they can get in a single short chapter.

Also, something that really add a huge amount of richness to your story is if you do a little research on mythologies and cultures. A world is a huge place, Pretty Crazy, even if it's made by a human. You have to realise that you can't focus on just the fantasy and leave out the realistic aspects of living beings- the need for festivities, the want to sit around a fire together, thoughts while being alone, how some people have belief systems about how to treat a dragon, how others conform with them and some disagree, how dragons feel on not being able to communicate directly, are they really so animal-like that they only like humans because of the food? Depth is what you need for your substance. Meanwhile, do keep working on your voice. You have to find it quick and make it sound believable.

I'm sorry. I'm kind of detached right now, so I did ramble a lot up there. Take whatever you like and help yourself. I'll be cheering for you. Thanks for the read...

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Wed Dec 30, 2009 5:34 am
empressoftheuniverse says...



I'm actually reading this first; and to get a full picture of what everyone's reaction was I read this story and all the comments. Without pointing out specific names I'm going to bluntly say that I disagree with almost everyone. I found this piece really intruiging, primarily the Morengo and he aspects that a normal reader would look over if they weren't pointed out by the narrator as significant in this fantasy world.
Your sentences were brief but didnt appear to me as clunky, and the narrator has a clear personality and the narrative voice is strong. I suppose I should read part one before reviewing this piece but after reading the other comments on this piece I had to voice my opinion.
I happen to things that Titles are inconsiquential, utterly so. Sure, maybe if your book was getting published and you needed to find a title that encased the essence of both your world and story, to be aptly paired with some stunning cover art but right now it doesnt seem to matter all that much.
And, to be perfectly and honestly blunt, your story does lack depth. It seems to be an inkling of what could be a very interesting, though probably conventional storyline that climaxes and then dwindles off into a resolution; and though that makes for a fun campy fantasy read, more depth is absoloutelynecessary for a story that feels real. But who to do that without hours of world-building? Well, think of your main story as your world seen in tunnel vision. Everything in your little circle of sight is vivid and detailed, but anything other than that is completely black. In the same respect, fill out the places that are covered in your story with depth and history, but don't go out of your way to find out the history of nameless dragon lineages that won't ever be mentioned in this story.
A fine example of this would be to expound on the healing process noted(unless it was explained in the part one that I did not read)
hmm, so maybe I didnt disagree all that much with the people above me.
Most of the nitpicks that were nitpicked are things that I dont see as errors but... lets just leave that.
And as a final statement, let me apologize for the severe lateness of this post. I'm so sorry to disappoint you like this. Better late than never, I suppose...?
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Wed Dec 30, 2009 1:27 pm
Pretty Crazy says...



Hey guys, thanks for the comments. And no,empressoftheuniverse, I don't mind if you reviewed late. I was just surprised when I saw someone was reviewing this again! :P
I know this story is not very in-depth. Actually, I know as much as you do what's going to happen! I have so many stories going now I don't know if I'm going to continue this. What do you think?
Again, thank you for the awesome critiques. :mrgreen:
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Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:54 am
empressoftheuniverse says...



I would say that that is your call, Pretty. If writing this story gives you more pleasure than anything else you're writing, then continue on. If you don't feel satisfied when you write this, just drop it. I stopped writing a story because someone told me I should move in a different direction with my writing and I ended up wanting to go back to the story over and over.
So whatever feels best for you is the best way to go.
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Mon Jan 11, 2010 9:29 pm
Garland says...



this is a truly great story but i cant picture every thing like the dragon that fell from the sky draw a pic i would love to see it and DO NOT stop wrighting untill this book is on every shelf and i want the first copy
  





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Sat Sep 25, 2010 1:10 am
MilkNCookies says...



Back again!

Pretty Crazy wrote:“Linder, there you are.” I turn at the sound of my name. It’s Thomas, the human in charge of helping new dragons. He’s a young human, sixteen, about the same age as Sarika.

“Hey, you look awesome in your new armour.”

Thomas pats my neck. I’m not sure why humans think us dragons love slaps on the neck all time, but we love those two-leggeds anyway. Why shouldn’t we? They feed us and help us develop our skills to the best they can be. And they feed us too. Oh yeah, I said that already.humor. heh. dragon humor.

I go with Thomas to the training camp. We leave the buildings and houses of town and walk down the country road. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and the plants have a vivid green to them.

It’s a beautiful day to begin my training.

Almost too perfect . . .

I don’t know how, I just sense it. Before I even think I jump on Thomas, knocking him to the ground, shielding him with my body. The explosion happens right behind us. I close my eyes. I can feel the heat through my armour. Thomas screams. Chunks of dirt fly everywhere.

Then as fast as it happened; it’s over. Slowly, we both stand up. We look around. There a no buildings damaged, simply because there are none in the countryside. But there are fields. That’s where we find the crater. I hurry to look over the edge. It’s unexpectedly deep, about twelve feet. At the bottom there’s a dragon. He’s bent in an uncomfortable position, but it looks like he’s still alive.

I draw my head back in surprise. How did he cause an explosion?
Thomas catches up. (Humans can be so slow.) I don't think you need parenthesis, because it'd first person POV and it's her thoughts.
“Morengo?” Apparently Thomas knows him.
Backspace; one line.The dragon groans and lifts his front claws.

“I‘m coming down.” Thomas begins to slide down the sides of the crater. There isn’t enough room for me at the bottom so I stay where I am.

“Are you OK?” Thomas puts his hand on the dragon’s head. I now notice Morengo has a natural mask covering his face. What color? Black, brown, gold, etc?Besides that his entire body is red except for his stomach, which is gold color.

“I’m fine.” He replies in dragon tongue. Thomas can't understand him but I can. To prove his point, he tries to lift his upper body up. His left leg gives in and he falls back down.

“Careful!” Thomas cries. “Stay still. I think something’s broken.”
Morengo grunts reluctantly but he does as Thomas says and stays still.
Thomas picks his way around him and examines the leg.

“It’s not broken, just badly sprained.”He knows just from looking? And if he moved, it, even if it is just sprained, it would hurt. He looked up at Morengo’s wing. “But I can’t say the same for your wing.”Repetitive.Thomas looks up at me. “Linder, help get him out. Come down here, you can support some of his weight.”

I hesitate. Memories of dirt and rock caving-in return. Pounding, crushing, breathlessness.

“Linder!”

I must do it. For Thomas.

Reluctantly, I begin declining slowly down the burnt, crumbling dirt. Finally I reach the bottom. More description maybe. like 'Once I get to the crispy and burnt bottom, claw marks are evident along the edges that lead up'

Morengo tries once again to get to his feet. This time he succeeds. I lower my neck and head under his left arm in order to get it over my shoulders. I stand up. I can feel his weight now. He is trying not to put too much on me, I can tell by the way his other legs are straining. Morengo is taller than me, his shoulder is about two feet higher than mine.

“Ready?” I ask.

He nods, grimacing. Obviously his broken wing is hurting him. I’m surprised at the little damage he’s taken. Nothing should be able to survive that kind of explosion. Not even a dragon.

We take a few steps forward, the first of many, I’m sure. Thomas stays at the bottom, encouraging us on.

“Come on, you can do it.”

I push up with my hind legs. We are now completely on the slope. Slowly, but steadily, we make progress. I’m sure we look stupid. Like that three legged race the humans sometimes play. Loose dirt and rock make it slippery and hard to get a good grip. I have to dig my claws in order to keep from falling back down. Every muscle in my legs are straining.
After what seemed like hours, we finally made it to the top. We both collapsed, exhausted, but thankful for level ground.

Morengo stands up. I now get a closer look at him. His body has a lot of burns and cuts, his left wing hangs uselessly on his side. Thomas scrambles up beside us.

“We have to get Morengo back to camp.”
I nod in agreement, but the question is: How? I am not carrying him again.
back space; one line.Thomas seems thoughtful as well, or is that hungry? Human faces are so hard to read.

“OK, Linder, you fly ahead to the camp and see if you can get some help.”
back spaceI raise an ‘eyebrow’ (even though I technically don’t have one).

“What?” Thomas doesn’t get the message. He rubs his fingers on his chin.
"I wait patiently.

“Oh!” He finally concludes. “Right, you can’t get help because you can’t tell them why.”
I" stand up and move off a few paces. I sigh. All I wanted was to start my training today. Is that too much to ask?!

“I can still walk. . . Somewhat.” It’s Morengo who speaks. He is trying to balance on three feet. He takes two hops forward and stops, smiling. “See?”

“Alright, I’ll go get help.” Thomas says. “Linder you stay with Morengo, start walking towards the training camp. I’ll be back soon.” He jogs up the road. We watch until he disappears around the bend. Now it’s just me and Morengo.

“Well, better start walking.” Morengo said. He hobbles off the direction Thomas went.
I’m not sure what to say now that Thomas is gone, so we walk in silence. We’re traveling very slowly. I look down and watch a beetle scurry away from under my feet.
I hear a bird singing off in the distance. Everything has returned to normal now that the explosion is over (well, except for the field. Poor farmer).

“Nice armour. Is it new?” Morengo asks casually after a minute.

“Yes, I just got it today.” I lift my head and smile. But there is still one question I have to ask:;

“How did you cause that explosion?”
Back spaceInstantly his eyes look away. The trace of a smile he had on his lips is gone.

“It was an accident.” He said.
"I waited for more, watching him eagerly.

“You’re not settling for that, are you?” Morengo sighed. He seemed reluctant to tell me for some reason. “I was training. You see, I don’t breath fire. I become-” Aww, man! i wanted to know!

“Hey dragons!” Thomas shout comes from overhead. I look up, he’s sitting on the back of his own dragon who is hovering just above our heads. Eyj, a dragon instructor for the camp. She is pure white, an albino. Even though she is pretty old she is still beautiful. Her red eyes have a spark to them I cannot explain. It’s like they can see right through you.

Eyj lands in front of us and Thomas jumps off. She is about the same size as Morengo. So once again, I’m the smallest dragon.

I can’t help but wonder how she can help. My question is answered very quickly. I watch as she walks over to Morengo.

“Hold still.” Her voice is like a whisper. Soft but strong.
Eyj places her right forefoot on Morengo’s left shoulder. She closes her eyes.


“Hey what-” Morengo stops mid-sentence.
Eyj’s claws begin to glow a warm, pulsing light. She opens her eyes. I gasp, they’re glowing too. She takes her forefoot off and the glowing in her eyes fade away.
Morengo lifts his left foot and stares at it. He wiggles his claws then sets his foot on the ground to test his weight.

He looks up at Eyj. “Thank you.” He musters.

I notice his wing is still broken. It still hangs broken and bleeding.

“Eyj, how come you didn’t heal his wing too?” As soon as I say it I realize how childish
backit sounds. I really am amazed at how she’s healed his leg.

Eyj laughs, it’s not rude, more like the kind a mother would give a young child.

“I’m not as young as I used to be. That is all that is needed for Morengo to walk back to camp.”

I nod understandingly.

Thomas pats Eyj. “Good job.” Than to the rest of us: “Let’s go.”


Overall: A very fun and new story. I'm anxious to see what happens to them, but where is Sakira? Good story, your an amazing writer, ect... Keep writing!
"Fantasy is a way of looking through the wrong end of the telescope."

"The writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads!"

~Dr.Seuss.
  








*CLUCKING INTENSIFIES*
— Snoink