Sure looks interesting, but it's a little hard to find and read on Live Journal. I'm sure that if you pasted it into a thread and posted it in the Literary Forums you would get more comments and critiques - I would most certainly look at it in detail for you if that was the case.
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that. — Ellen DeGeneres
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