xv.
a million ways to die
sometimes you wish that you could chose the way you die.
you sit in bed and you consider it, hard, for hours,
and you decide you'd want to drown.
you'd want to paint yourself blue
melt into the ocean
and let him swim in you one last time.
when he leaves you change your mind--
you want to die, wrapped in tongues of fire
because you're a firework no one can handle,
you're the explosion everyone's waiting for.
there's not poetry in fire, it's just hot
and there'll be nothing of you left.
the fourth time he calls you that night,
you open your windows, even though it january
and decide that you want to freeze to death instead.
slow, like going to sleep, and everyone will find you with your lips
painted blue, and your cheeks painted red, and your eyelashes dancing with snow flakes.
when he calls again you answer the phone and decide this is the way you want to die
talking to the only person in the world, who couldn't love you back.
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