Young Writers Society

Broken hearts,
falling tears,
you know why
I'm frozen here.

You think I'll forgive,
but I won't forget,
say you want to keep,
but I will not let

Don't try standing in my way,
I'll push you aside and leave you,
you wonder why I hate you so much,
I've moved on because it's far too overdue.

Hey Aliyah!

Your poem was short and sweet, but I honestly thought there was a lot more you could have written. For example, try writing a little more about how the narrator felt, or how her heart was broken (which is what I'm assuming happened). The concept was good, and the rhyme scheme too. But towards the end, the flow of the poem broke. I think that was mainly because the lines in the first two stanzas were short, but the ones in the last stanza were too long. So my suggestions to you:

Broken hearts,
falling tears,
you know why
I'm frozen here.

In this stanza, "fallin" should have a "g" at the end, and I thought it would be better to make "tear" plural, because it just sounds better that way.

You think I'll forgive,
but I won't forget.
You say you want to keep,
but I will not let.

Don't try standing,
in my way,
Because I'll push you aside,
and leave you.
you wonder why,
I hate you so much,
Well I've moved on
because it's far too overdue.

I separated the lines in this stanza, so the flow doesn't break off as much. Then again, it's your poem and if you're happy with it this way, it's good.

Besides that, I really liked your poem.
Keep Writing!
~HPR~