Young Writers Society

no one to kiss and no one to hold
no one to laugh with and no one to see
no one to warm when the air is so cold
no one to hear when they are calling me

no one to tease and no one to taunt
no one to miss and no one to shoulder
no one to whisper sing and haunt
no one to welcome as they walk home a soldier

no one to touch and no one to laugh
no one share your ice cream cone
I guess that what it means to be truly alone.

I love the meaning of the poem that the person is otherwise alone but I find it very repetitive

no one to tease and no one to taunt

This was my least favorite line of the whole thing because it seems like it could be mean but that's just how I interpreted it.
But don't worry I have a favorite line as well,

no one to hear when they are calling me

I don't know why I loved this line so much I just do.

Keep trying, I like the poem otherwise.

Hi! I'm Drama and I'm here to review!


Okay, I'm going to be honest. This seems very... Simple to me. Maybe it's the lack of puncuation. Or the lack of capitialzation. Or maybe it's the fact that this is very simple language. But we'll get to that later.

no one to kiss and no one to hold

This isn't a very dynamic beginning. It doesn't pull you in, it doesn't make you want to know more... And do you know why? Because it tells it exactly how it is. You could embellish this line, keep the words but dress it up. Like...
Now that the ghost of your lips are gone, I have no one to kiss.It sounds more mysterious, doesn't it? (Even if it's a bad example.)

no one share your ice cream cone

Comic relief! I love poems that have lines like these. It's like the writer takes into account that poems should make us think, cry, and laugh. Sometimes, poets (and I count myself among them) forget that. But... those missing uppercase letters and commas really do scream at me. Probably because I'm so picky about grammar in poetry...

no one to welcome as they walk home a soldier

This line made me think that this has a deeper meaning than 'he broke up with me'. It makes me think that this is about a girl whose love was lost serving his country. But, you don't continue this. You drop the line as you start the next one. That's another thing. You have to continue the lines even when they're finished. Leave a lasting impression of each line, and it should flow a lot better.

So, this poem obviously is chock full of memories for the narrator, and I can tell. It's obvious that this person misses whoever it is, and they are talking about the memories they had together, almost begging for them to come back. It also had a line about icecream, so you have my immediate love. LOL.
As much as I liked the poem, it had a lot of problems, and room for improvement. Let's with grammar.

No one to tease, and no one to taunt.
No one to miss and no one to shoulder,
no one to whisper, sing, and haunt.

See? You need to work on your grammar, because it really could use some. Now, never reading stuff from you before, I don't know if you just don't have grammar on this poem, or if you struggle with grammar and you give up and say 'To hell with it.' and forget about it. But, if that is the case, just let me know and I'll do what I can for you!

Like I said before, it seemed simple to me. It had a few shinning moments, but I prefer poetry that has singular shinning moments, but as a whole is shinning the most. This isn't shinning as a whole. It just has a few glimmers of it. How do you make it a huge shinning moment? Spread out the words a little, add some adjectives and nouns. Vary your words a bit. If you want to repeat 'no one' over and over again, don't make it on every single like. Maybe start each stanza with it. Just experiment. Yes, you're going to make some false moves, but you'll figure out the nitch you need. Also, try flipping through a Thesaurus. You like a word? Write it down. It helps, I assure you.

On the whole, I like this poem. But as I was thinking about what it COULD be the whole time I was reading it.

Anyway, nice feeling poem! *hits imaginary like button*
~Drama