This is what you'll never see...

Gender:

Points: 797
Reviews: 22

Sun Dec 18, 2011 11:14 pm

My body is covered in the pain I've had to endure.
But my soul carries so much more then you'll ever see.

Shredded and torn beyond fixation,
my tattered soul lies in pieces.
Invisible wounds to never heal.
My soul's fraying edges fluttering in the memory of what once was.

My heart is blackened and broken,
concealed behind bars of bone.
These things I hide well,
my facade almost unbreakable.
These are the things you'll never see.

Spoiler! :

Last edited by sunxkissedxme on Mon Dec 19, 2011 3:21 am, edited 2 times in total.

So many people treat you like you’re a kid
so you might as well act like one,
and throw your television
out of a hotel window.
–Gerard Way

Gender:

Points: 6358
Reviews: 139

Mon Dec 19, 2011 1:19 am

SwallowedByInsanity says...

sunxkissedxme wrote:My body is covered in the pain I've had to endure.
But my soul carries so much more then you'll ever see.

Shredded and torn beyond recognization, *recognization is not a word... try 'fixation' or something like that
my tattered soul lies in pieces.
Invisable wounds to never heal. I think u mean *invisible
My soul's fraying edges flutteringin the memory of what once was. *fluttering in

My heart is blackened and broken,
but hidden behind bars of bone.get rid of the 'but' it makes it look choppy, maybe even change 'hidden' to 'concealed'
These thingsI hide well,*things I
my facade almost unbreakable.
These are the things you'll never see.

Lovely imagery! keep writing!

Love is a poison, but it is also the antidote.

The insanity at my fingertips is not even slightly coherent.

Gender:

Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:37 pm

Deanie says...

Hello.

I really liked your poem. The title was really nice and it made me want to read it. So good job there. I got the feeling it was a poem for someone, but the someone would never actually get to see this poem.

I liked your use of description, it was a beautiful way to create very strong imagery. I don't think I have any criticism for you. Keep writing because this was great!

Deanie x

Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015

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