Young Writers Society

This is a poem about God, so if such things offend you, PLEASE don't comment.

The House of Light

The small hands of grace lead me to your feet,
To the place where I can see peace.
I can see the cracked door,
light shinning onto the woods of darkness,
where my feet once trod.

The windows glow with the jeweled lights,
bathing my face with the knowledge of the ages.

I want to catch the love that dances right under your roof,
welcoming me in.
I can smell the wine,
flowing into cups of gold.

I wish to enter, too bow at your knees.
To live in this house.
And never worry about whom I love.
Because, now I know,
and I'm walking into his house,
my hands still, without fight.
And never again will they stir,
from this position of reverence,
Showing you how I truly wish to be here,
Forever and always.
In the house of light.

First of all, I find it interesting that your username is SparkOfDoubt. It makes me wonder if it has any meaning, and the question, "Doubt about what?" pops into my head.
Anyways...

I want to catch the love that dances right under your roof, < I like this line
welcoming me in.

I wish to enter, too (this should be "to") bow at your knees.

Showing you how I truly wish to be here,
Forever and always.
In the house of light. That's a cool name ^_^

Alright, so the imagery in this poem is beautiful, but I can't seem to find a very good rhythm. It's poetic, yes, but something about it reminds me a little of prose. I don't have much to say about this, because I'm not quite sure what to say. The idea was very nice, and I could feel some of your longing and your feelings. Some of the punctuation might have not been needed. The way I try to find things that need puctuation is to read it as prose and find the punctuation that way. But I don't know if that works for everyone or every poem.

Haha, sorry I wasn't to helpful. This really is a beautiful concept, and the imagery was incredible!
-Dai

This is truly beautiful. The most wonderful poem I ever read. I feel a little ashamed reviewing something about God, but I still have a few nitpicks.

The small hands of grace lead me to your feet,
To the place where I can see peace.
I can see the cracked door,
light shinning onto the woods of darkness,
where my feet once trod.

The first to lines are so beautiful. They make me imagine a long corridor with whit light flowing in and there's a figure standing at the door, just waiting to go inside.

The windows glow with the jeweled lights,
bathing my face with the knowledge of the ages.

This part could have been typed like this:

The windows glow with the jeweled lights,
bathing my face,
with the knowledge of the ages.

I want to catch the love that dances right under your roof,
welcoming me in.
I can smell the wine,
flowing into cups of gold.

This could also have been written like this:

I want to catch the love,
that dances under you roof,
welcoming me inside.

I wish to enter, too I think you meant 'to' bow at your knees.
And to live in this house.
And And is unnecessary here. never worry about whom I love.
Because, now I know.
and I'm walking into his house,
my hands still, without fight.
And never again will they stir,
from this position of reverence.
Showing you how I truly wish to be here,
Forever and always,
In the house of light.

Overall, this is an awesome, beautiful poem. It makes me think of peace and friendship and everything that's good and pure. I will definitely remember this when I sleep tonight and everyday too.
Keep writing!
~HPR~

this is a beautiful poem i especially like the parts where you talk about your hands never moving.


m

y hands still, without fight.

And never again will they stir

, that is my favorite line as it shows the love between the characters and i find this a really inspirational poem. i would maybe try a second poem that shows what happens next