Young Writers Society

It should be straightforward
To grasp the golden thread,
And to follow it out
Into a bright and rosy future.
But there are monsters in the darkness,
And the looming knowledge
That so many who have gone before
Were not able to fulfill the quest.
Still you strive through trial after trial,
Ordeal after ordeal,
Holding up your own piece of the sky,
Though every muscle begs for you to set it down
And sometimes the reward
Seems like a distant dream.
What if there is no goal?
If you sail the thin line
Between the many headed beast
That waits to devour you
And the churning waters of despair
Towards only the vaguest of mists?
No wonder the time spent seems so long,
When every time you stop,
To pause and catch your breath,
It gets harder to set out again.
But the war always ends,
And whether it was lost or won matters little,
When you are free to go home.
Or at least you are freed
To decide where home is.
If we are brave enough
To keep sailing straight on
And not be drawn off course,
We can hear in the siren’s song
The wisdom of the ages,
Or perhaps a whisper
Of what it is we truly desire.
The trials we went through
Were merely preparing us
For our ascension.
We must all pass through the underworld.
What was lost can never be regained
But new treasures can be discovered
If we have the courage
To ignore the wax in our wings
And fly into the sun.

Quite similar to Paradise Lost, in context only, I think. Dealing with ancient evils, ect.
You have written a wonderful poem, and I adore the ideas and themes. The message also is uplifting and truthful, I am very happy to have read it, it spreads a sheet of hope over me and I'm sure that was your intention.
I would say, though, that a little more imagery would be wonderful, unless you are happy with it ofcourse, this is just my preference, poetry is, after all, objective. I'm sometimes a little too 'grand' and 'dramatic' and the bold simplicity of this piece may be exactly what is needed. I don't like to give criticism because poetry is so personal and if something is said the wrong way then it could knock not only the poem, but the poet, and that's dangerous and harmful. I only want to inspire confidence in you to write more, because you have massive potential in what you write, however, try to concentrate on how you write. We are dumb and dead if we forget a poem or piece of work that has substance in context and technique.
You can manage this if you attend to small details

Thank you very much! I will certainly take your suggestion into consideration. Don't wory, I can understand how it can be hard to give constructive criticsm without sounding harsh, especially for poetry, but I can take it.

Hi Leah,

I really like this poem. I couldn't see any grammatical errors. I like the layout you chose to write in, and I really like your style.

I really like your story behind this poem. I like the idea of sailing through life, following a given path that is layered with difficulties. There will always be times when you doubt that it will be worth it in the end. I would love to know what is at the end, but I guess I have to get there myself

My favourite lines:

Leahweird wrote:But new treasures can be discovered
If we have the courage
To ignore the wax in our wings
And fly into the sun.

I love this ending, it wraps up the whole poem really well. I think you did a fabulous job on writing this. Looking forward to what you write next!

Deanie x

This is really excellent. One thing I find a lot of authors have difficulty with is knowing when to use allusions and what allusions to use. Often times they don't quite fit the meaning or flow of the poem, or they almost seem forced. However, that is absolutely not the case here, your use of rhetoric is stunning. I particularly enjoyed some of your choices in diction. There's so much of it that it would almost be quicker for me to tell you the few word choices that aren't amazing.