Young Writers Society

I stomp my feet,
I throw a tantrum
I scream and yell
I threaten to move out
I throw the plates
I smash the cups
But they still won’t leave me alone
My Mum and Dad love me so much
Even when I don’t want their touch
They whisper that they love me,
So eventually I give in
But that won’t rub out my anger
For myself loving them too
It may hold me back
But only for now.

I stomp my feet,
I throw a tantrum
I scream and yell
I threaten to move out

I did that once, never again everyone threatened to knock my teeth out haha yeah that's what you get when you have a BIG mexican family. But I feel as it it's only me my sister said she was moving out she's 4 yrs younger, and their all like 'Good Riddance'

I throw the plates
I smash the cups

It may not be normal behavior, but I love doing that, it feels good to let my anger out, actually I bought plates from the dollar store and yeah that way they won't get pissed at me

But they still won’t leave me alone
My Mum and Dad love me so much
Even when I don’t want their touch
They whisper that they love me,
So eventually I give in
But that won’t rub out my anger
For myself loving them too
It may hold me back
But only for now.

You Can't Pick Your Family, aint that the truth. This was a good write, I like the shortness it's short but the mood and message came through with ease.

Hi there.

I suppose I only have a few great issues with this poem. Mainly the way you have the beginning here. You seem to simply be belting out things that come to mind. There's nothing powerful about your words or the voice you're using to project them. That's one of the most important things to look out for when you're writing something that's meant to touch your readers sentimentally. I get that the speaker is angry, but it sort of comes off as a dry anger.

Your second half of the poem here is quite different altogether really. it's almost like two distinct separate halves, and I'm not so sure how I feel about it. It's a big jump from how you started this off, and nothing seems to be worded together as smoothly as I would have liked to see.

I had a complaint with this second line here:

My Mum and Dad love me so much
Even when I don’t want their touch

I understand that you were attempting to rhyme, but your poem doesn't really seem to fit that type of mold from the very beginning, so why start trying to rhyme now? Better to piece together lines that make sense and flow well together rather than tossing in this random forced rhyme. Your poem will suffer less when you focus on the words and the message more so than the appearance of rhyme.

That's mostly all I really have to say as far as critique I guess. This was rather short, so maybe that's why. x) Anyway, I hope anything I may have said might be of help to you, or just didn't come off too harsh, and I wish you luck with future writing endeavors!

-Smylin'

Deanie wrote:I stomp my feet,
I throw a tantrum
I scream and yell
I threaten to move out
I throw the plates
I smash the cups
But they still won’t leave me alone
My Mum and Dad love me so much
Even when I don’t want their touch
They whisper that they love me,
So eventually I give in
But that won’t rub out my anger
For myself loving them too
It may hold me back
But only for now.

I found this really plain and not very unique. However it was good and I loved the line

My Mum and Dad love me so much
Even when I don’t want their touch

Overall. Good but could use some work