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She Is Numb



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46 Reviews



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Points: 908
Reviews: 46
Fri Sep 09, 2011 5:22 am
SteppinRazor says...



She didn't grow up.

She didn't mature.

Her mind holds no innocence, nothing is pure.

She froze in time.

Remained in her same state of mind.

Where nothing was good, nothing was right.

And like the coward she is, surrendered without a fight.

She feels framed and forgotten.

Remains in her safe place.

Where the world passed her by without a single trace.

What can she do to forget that time.

Can she move on start again, or for her is this the end.

Abandoned is her, you went away and left her lonesome.

She cant fend for herself, no strength left in her.

And as the forgotten she hopes to turn her mentality to now.

Forget the before, and feel that pain no longer.

She just wants to feel alive and OK.

Feel that love and keep emotions at bay.

Can this be?

Will she breathe and begin.

She lays and watches as her world begins to spin.

She didn't grow .

She didn't begin.

she wasn't alive.

Carries deep holes within.

What will she do.

Can she move on?

She woke up and everyone gone.

She plays pretend so you think she's OK.

But at night she cries away,

That is what happened, that's how it'll be,

One day you'll know that The She was me.
Last edited by SteppinRazor on Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tidal waves they rip right through me
Tears from eyes worn cold and sad
Pick me up now, I need you so bad
Down down down down
  





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Fri Sep 09, 2011 7:02 am
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constantia says...



I cannot tell you how much I feel for this. I honestly relate to it, for reasons that I wish I didn't.
Tell me if i'm wrong here, but this is about more than just relationship-type pain, yes? Because
that's how it had affected me. It's raw and authentic. That's the feel I get from this. I like it.

I like the wordplay, and your using "The She" as a sort-of title. Absolutely heartbreaking theme
but it works.

Life vs. Simply Existing. That's the battle tragedy creates. That's what I got from this, and it
reminds me a lot of To Earthward by Robert Frost. One of my favorites.

Hope to read more from you(:
  





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Reviews: 66
Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:49 pm
Adriana says...



It is really good!
But, like every other story, it can get even better...
SteppinRazor wrote:Her mind holds no innocence nothing is pure

I think it should have some punctuation between "innocence" and "nothing"... Maybe a comma, I don't know...
SteppinRazor wrote:Where nothing was good nothing was right.

And like the coward she is surrendered without a fight.

Again, there should be a comma between "good" and "nothing" and maybe another two, one between "and" and "like" and another between "is" and "surrendered"...
I won't go trough all of the poem, but I think you caught my idea. Consider it, ok?
Really hope I could help.
Anyway, you did an excellent job here! I loved it!
Congratulations and keep writing!
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.


"This is calm, and it's doctor!" (My DR. Reid -- Best line ever)
  





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Thu Sep 29, 2011 2:59 am
LittleLionWoman says...



Wow. I got the chills. I love this poem! it practically nailed me in every way possible. So, thank you!
"One day you'll know that The She was me." <-- Right there, yeah that pretty much hit home hard. Such a great ending, so powerful and really packs the punch at the end there.
"She plays pretend so you think she's OK." <-- Another line that hits home, I feel like this could really relate to everyone, because at one point in your life some more than others, you pretend, actually for me pretty much everything I do is pretend, but anyways, I know you most likely wrote this for yourself, but I will speak for a majority of us, thank you for saying something that no one else could.- well that was cheesy. Great Job.
Love, Little Lion Woman
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." Fight Club
  








Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)