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Young Writers Society


Intelligence



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Gender: None specified
Points: 1209
Reviews: 15
Wed Jun 29, 2011 6:30 pm
hopeispeace says...



Ready for beginnings
So we need some endings first.
I might be hopeful but it’s hopeless.
Surrounded by what I’m trying to hide . . .
Paying respects to intelligence

We’re murdering ourselves
For our own offenses
This pace is too fast
But now it’s too slow
Need someone who knows
Need somewhere to go

This world is like a box
And someone lost the lock
It would drive you crazy too
But it seems I’m losing grip . . .
Why, yes, I’m falling too

No, I can’t hear a word
And, yes, this dream’s absurd
Can’t seem to find a way out
Looks like this day is fading thin . . .
Fading into pixel sin

Where’d I go?
Why do you want to know?
Not apologizing, but forgiven
Messing up but that’s okay
People have questions
Isn’t it a shame?

Hoping for an invasion
So I can explain my shame
Of the current occasion
Surrounded by what I’m trying to hide . . .
Paying respects to intelligence

Covering up what you wish you weren’t born with
Impatience Escaping . . . Erasing, Defacing
And Changing, and Changing
Accusing of losing
What happened to choosing?

I challenge your challenge
To a battle of wits
The winner of course;
Two seconds of bliss

President, leader of ignorance
It’s not what we’re good at
We’re capable of anything
But why this, we find the best?


To explain this shame
I’m hopeful but it’s hopeless
Surrounded by what I’m trying to hide . . .
Paying respects to intelligence
~HopeisPeace
  





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23 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1398
Reviews: 23
Wed Jun 29, 2011 7:10 pm
KelsRich1 says...



This was a good poem but the rhyme scheme was a little weird. It changed throughout the entire poem and it kind of threw me off when I was reading. I would work on that but other wise it was fine. :)

-Kels :D
"Happy girls are the prettiest" -Audrey Hepburn :)
  





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Points: 1209
Reviews: 15
Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:04 pm
hopeispeace says...



I don't believe in concrete rhyme schemes. . . they take away from the poem its self. :)
~HopeisPeace
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1040
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Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:13 pm
TarisaGolby01 says...



I agree. Concrete rhyme schemes take away the greatness of the poem! I though it was great! Good work!
My new novel The Sapphire Princess (Book 1 in The Laytah Woods Series) ----> http://www.booksie.com/romance/novel/nessieandjake/sapphire-princess:-book-1-(laytah-woods-series)
  





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102 Reviews



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Points: 1260
Reviews: 102
Thu Jun 30, 2011 10:25 am
LiesOnLies says...



This was an interesting piece of work..Good JOb!
  





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16 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 754
Reviews: 16
Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:40 pm
maxlovesfang15 says...



Well like everyone else said the rhyme scheme was weird-ish but I liked it. Sounds fresh and new!
Sounds interesting. I feel like the person who s talking in the poem is confused with their feelings? Something like that.
Its very good! Keep up with the good work!
"You must be some kind of deluded because when I look at you I see the most beautiful girl in the entire universe." -Christopher James Leming, my sweet boyfriend
  








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