Young Writers Society

Here's a taste of my poetry, since I haven't posted any on here yet. The older stuff is first.

Similarities

Blame it on the cold
Blame it on the hail
Even blame it on the engines
That you knew would fail

But it will always haunt you
That you didn't do your best
Perhaps someone should remind you
You're not like all the rest.


Spider


I still think about the days
I'd stare into that scope
Past that portentous barrel
To the disdain individual below

It is odd
Thinking back
To those old memories
My regretful actions

Sometimes I wonder
If I shall pay like they did
As if all actions
Have hidden inexplicable consequences

Now as I write this
I fell her warmth
The life in her breathe
It makes me wonder

How it would feel
To have it taken away
Like I have taken
Those merciless actions

I look down
To a small spider on the floor
And I begin to contemplate
If I should smash it

The spider does not move
But I know it looks up to me
As I look down to it
With similar curiosity

The dull light reflects on its eyes
And I know
This one is a killer
Perhaps as violent as myself

Perhaps the spider underestimates the threat I pose
Perhaps I underestimate it
Yet I cannot shake
This sensation of similarity

The spider's origins
Are as debatable
As my own
Only separated by a mere misunderstanding

The spider scuttles away
My little friend
To a crevice somewhere
To continue its life

So now here I am
A human
Dangerous as a spider
Wondering in the dark.


(wow, that's long..)




Here's some newer stuff:

Morning Glory

A vine ascends in the night
Its pedals closed tight in the moonlight
Exploring the cracks and curves of brick and stone
It slowly destroys as its beauty glorifies

A closed flower is merely
One form of beauty
In another
Half a routine cycle

A nocturnal creature
Is the vine
Displaying its unraveled mysticism the day
So it may continue to destroy in the night

Burn the seeds
Poison the roots
There's not much you can do
It's smarter than you



Battle of Love

Through her eyes I fall
I can feel the wind rushing past
The perfect landscape unfolding before me
The impact never comes

I continue my fall
A formidable opponent
Is the iris
A battle of Love






I think that's enough for one day.

condirant wrote:Morning Glory

A vine ascends in the night
Its pedals closed tight in the moonlight
Exploring the cracks and curves of brick and stone
It slowly destroys as its beauty glorifies Good up until here. How does it destory? What is it like? That's blank description. How is it gloridied?

A closed flower is merely
One form of beauty Nice idea, where are you taking it?
In another another what? te transition between this and the next line is shakey, are they connected?
Half a routine cycle

A nocturnal creature
Is the vine
Displaying its unraveled mysticism the day
So it may continue to destroy in the night

Burn the seeds
Poison the roots
There's not much you can do I noticed you rhyme in your first and last stanza, that's a nice touch. And it spoke about how beautiful the flower is but i ends with you trying to destroy it? That's kinda random. You should try staying on track, or making your track more apperent.
It's smarter than you

Welcome to YWS. Don't forget to review.

Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.

@silented1:

It's more of a metaphor. It'd be too hard to explain it, lol.

Hey buddy

It's really interesting how your old stuff is so different from the new stuff, but I can still tell that it's your voice. Anyway, there are some spelling errors that you probably noticed, I can't find them now but I noticed them while I was reading. I like the poem about the spider a lot, but I think I've heard it before. This part seems especially familiar:

condirant wrote:The spider does not move
But I know it looks up to me
As I look down to it
With similar curiosity

The dull light reflects on its eyes
And I know
This one is a killer
Perhaps as violent as myself

but I like it, particularly the last two lines in the second paragraph.

In the poem about the morning glory, I like the rhythm and the rhyme in this last part:

condirant wrote:Burn the seeds
Poison the roots
There's not much you can do
It's smarter than you

but it doesn't seem to go with the rest of the poem. Maybe you could use this as a nugget to write another piece.

The first piece just seems really different. I've never read one of your poems where you have consistent end rhyme, so it's interesting to read one like that. I'm assuming you don't want to edit something like this that's really old, but i think you should try rhyme like this in some of the poems you write now.

And finally, I loved the last poem, the love poem. It was so simple (so I could understand exactly what you were saying ), yet such a profound and unique idea. I had a picture in my mind the whole time.
Keep writing!

~Amylith

Thanks for the useful review!

I recently got like 5 more poetry ideas to do tonight, but I'll definitely consider writing another pieced based upon the last few lines of the morning glory poem. It's one of my personal favorites.

And yes, my style has hardly changed. More than anything I've simply brushed up on my adjectives and if anything learned to create even deeper metaphors.

The love poem was for a girl I used to be obsessed with, she was a lot older than me. Thinking back, it's actually quite creepy. But I got some great poetry out of it. xD