Young Writers Society

In the midst of lies,
And trying to fit in,
You can see how hard people try,
To conceal what they have within.
Conforming to the ways of what's "popular" or "right,"
You lose sight of who your true friends are,
And you're trying hard to fight,
Back the tears that you have held in for so long,
Your thoughts screaming so silent, they're loud,
No use trying to stop them now, because you know,
You've forgotten who you are among the crowd...

Ladyequine91 wrote:In the midst of lies,
And trying to fit in,
You can see how hard people try,
To conceal what they have within.
Conforming to the ways of what's "popular" or "right,"
You lose sight of who your true friends are,
And you're trying hard to fight,
Back the tears that you have held in for so long,
Your thoughts screaming so silent, they're loud,
No use trying to stop them now, because you know,
You've forgotten who you are among the crowd...

This ones good. Just a general tip; I saw some almost forced rhymes in there. Try not to force rhymes, otherwise it sounds corny. If you can't think of anything that rhymes that's not forced, it's OK not to rhyme.
Anyway. Good work.

I really like this poem. Great Job! It has a great message, keep up the good work.

Wow...well written.

The Silent Aviator wrote:Wow...well written.

I agree!

Like Doubt said, I did see quite a bit of forced rhyming. I say don't use rhyming unless it works really well or you're trying to be silly. I really liked the idea behind it, though.