Young Writers Society

Opiation (SImples minds, Complex Lies)

Trust in my justice
Fall unto prejudice and corporate metaphors
Take my hand and trust this
We’ll bypass and transcend on these whores
For Good
At least…

At least until the next time temptation takes over
And we feel the need to express ourselves
Intoxicated in lies

“Cram it in, they can’t think for themselves”
Oh but we can, and we will
I’ll teach them too and even still
You’ll try to justify
What you know is right

And knowledge is the power I control
And heresy’s a leisurely walk now
And who knows if I’m right, I could be wrong in the end
But at least I didn’t succumb to your foul trend

Sometimes I wish I had followers, and I wish I was Christ
Just to prove to you that you’re wrong and I’m right
I wish you’d realise how you’re acting and stop brainwashing—
They don’t need you, they don’t need you anymore

They think
They breathe
Anti-Christ

-

Critiques and Analysis’s welcome.

Anyone?

Er... why is it in italics?

From the title, it sounds like an opiate is talking to the mass of others like him, and he is telling them to rise up. Brainwashing seems to be the message that "drugs are bad." And corporate attitudes seem to be the people propogating that.

Am I somewhat close?

Snoink wrote:Er... why is it in italics?

From the title, it sounds like an opiate is talking to the mass of others like him, and he is telling them to rise up. Brainwashing seems to be the message that "drugs are bad." And corporate attitudes seem to be the people propogating that.

Am I somewhat close?

It's in italics because I like it like that. Is there a problem?

And you're hardly close at all. Hint: He's surveying other people. And what they're beeing 'fed' or brainwashed. They're not as smart as him. It's semi-religious. Good try though.

Anyone else?

Umm...
Is it about religion brainwashing people?

And knowledge is the power I control
And heresy’s a leisurely walk now
And who knows if I’m right, I could be wrong in the end
But at least I didn’t succumb to your foul trend

That part seemed like maybe it could be talking about the inquisition. Like when they made Gallileo deny all his discoveries.

Trust in my justice
Fall unto prejudice and corporate metaphors
Take my hand and trust this
We’ll bypass and transcend on these whores
For Good
At least…

And that part maybe about priests abusing people? I don't know.
Does "For Good" mean 'against evil' or 'for ever and ever'? I like the first way better.
Heh, so much for my analysis. I really don't have any idea what I'm talking about.

Critique-wise, I really liked it. The rhyming was very graceful and barely noticeable, but it made it very polished and just... better. Good rhyming is really hard to pull off, and you did.
At first I thought the itlalics were weird but then I decided I like them. They're different and interesting, and seem to suit the tone of the poem.
I think what I like best about this is that I didn't quite get it, as you can tell by my "analysis", but i can tell there's an underlying message and it's not just gibberish. It's like a tantalyzing puzzle I ought to be able to work out. And it's wrapped in a beautiful poem. Plus the last stanza is just really cool.
Great work!

BlackDaisy wrote:Umm...
Is it about religion brainwashing people?

And knowledge is the power I control
And heresy’s a leisurely walk now
And who knows if I’m right, I could be wrong in the end
But at least I didn’t succumb to your foul trend

That part seemed like maybe it could be talking about the inquisition. Like when they made Gallileo deny all his discoveries.

Trust in my justice
Fall unto prejudice and corporate metaphors
Take my hand and trust this
We’ll bypass and transcend on these whores
For Good
At least…

And that part maybe about priests abusing people? I don't know.
Does "For Good" mean 'against evil' or 'for ever and ever'? I like the first way better.
Heh, so much for my analysis. I really don't have any idea what I'm talking about.

Critique-wise, I really liked it. The rhyming was very graceful and barely noticeable, but it made it very polished and just... better. Good rhyming is really hard to pull off, and you did.
At first I thought the itlalics were weird but then I decided I like them. They're different and interesting, and seem to suit the tone of the poem.
I think what I like best about this is that I didn't quite get it, as you can tell by my "analysis", but i can tell there's an underlying message and it's not just gibberish. It's like a tantalyzing puzzle I ought to be able to work out. And it's wrapped in a beautiful poem. Plus the last stanza is just really cool.
Great work!

Thankyou. You're right about the 'religious brainwashing'. That's only half or maybe even quarter of the meaning however. With my poems, you'll have to search for more than one meaning. You found one, but there's a lot more in there.
Also, thankyou for the great analasis and kind words.

Another hint, for you, or other people who want to dive deeper into this poem. It talks about states of mind. How smart one can be. How open minded you should be and the angst that comes with being an intellectual surrounded by idiots.

So take the dive. I'd love to hear more peoples analasis's and critiques. (Great job with yours BlackDaisy)