Young Writers Society

I’m filled with this anger inside
And every time they point the finger
I explode
I spit words that never miss
Victims feel the pain
Something I try to hide
Yet each time I’m denied
The right to breathe
Thoughts escape
Words create
I’m lost within mazes
Entwined within thorns
It is not my fault
This is what they made me
Fucked to the core
How dare you describe me?
Try undermining me
With your selfish lies
Try hard to be me
Want to see me
Look into my eyes
Watch how I don’t smile
You could never understand
What you wish to not know
I’m the one in your nightmare
The person you tried to hide
The reminder of your past
How dare you forget about me?
Feed me to lions
That past through dreams
Clouds of darkness
I was the light
Till I got burned out
Trampled on
Forced to lie under barriers
Causing me to hate myself
Wanting to free myself
From this miss matched life of mine
Yet not mine
For my life was stolen
Washed away
No longer mixed to perfection
Cornered cause of who they thought I was
Never could they see the real me
For I am hidden
Behind a mask
And only when they leave does it fall
A smile appears
Yet as they return my tears fall
I will not be defeated
Tears do not show weakness
Is what I tell myself
To keep my sanity
Knives kept out of reach
For veins lay helpless
I can be strong and find the power
But my pride wont let me hear them out
I’m so sick of war
This war with my mind
This war with my heart
The things I’ve seen
The things I’ve felt
The abuse I’ve suffered
The way I let myself down
I let them think they had it like that
Often resulting in my misuse
Days flow into nights
The burden of who I am seems so hard to bear
The world on my shoulders
Am I made for this?
Can I handle this?
Only time will tell
If when I rise will I get the chance to fly

One word of advice....I almost didn't read it because of the ever so slightly pretentious title - be careful, if you have no title, name it 'untitled' or something, or you might find you put people off.
I really don't have time to critique this (not very good at critiquing anyway unless I'm in the right mood ) , but I will say that I did like it and I did think that it was pretty damn good. You somehow managed to do the slightly random thought flowing thing while at the same time making some sense in describing what you think and feel - so I feel that I must applaud you for that.

If you put it in stanzas, it would be a lot easier to critique and I would gladly do it, but for now, I can only offer a few suggestions

I’m lost within mazes
Entwined within thorns

I love your word entwined here, but I don't think the word 'within' is the right preposition. Maybe 'by' would work. I'm not very skilled with prepositions, but at least think about it. Also, the plural of 'mazes' bugged me. How about just saying 'lost within a maze' and find a nice, powerful adjective to describe maze.

For my life was stolen
Washed away
No longer mixed to perfection
Cornered cause of who they thought I was

Firstly, I loved your third line 'no longer mixed to perfection', very nicely done! My one problem was here the use of 'cause'. It might just be me and my hate of shortened words like 'because' in poetry, but I suggest saying 'because'

Feed me to lions
That past through dreams

I liked your first line... reminded me of Daniel in the lion's den. But the 2nd line confused me. The past through dreams. Do you mean 'passed through dreams' or seeing the past through dreams. The way you said had me wondering exactly what you meant, so you might want to clarify.

If you put it into stanzas, I will critique it better for you, but the whole of it is too overwhelming to pick out any more details.