Young Writers Society

FREEDOM'S PRICE

Twice walked I, upon a land
so beauteous, as tore my soul
to contemplate a lesser place
should even be, exist at all.
A pride, thought I,
not out of place:
for argue who with splendour such would dare?

A dream I dreamed, where all such men
of stature small and great, could be
as one of values; not of man
but of mankind, and mankind see.
A love, thought I,
of brother soul:
of fathers all and every man a son.

Glory be, to God and King
and strength for servants all;
for boys whose labour 'cross the sea,
puts blood and tears to face of they
who toil, us to feed.
And blessed be our daily bread,
from back of slave deserving;
if heav'n's reward were not enough,
work on, and in your work rejoice, my country to be serving.

For advocate the living God,
with every breath you've in you;
the godly dollar canonize, and buy not one
when better yet, you could be buying two.
For God the just is satisfied
when only men of truth remain;
so truthful, lies they cannot see
and every word of foreign spoke becomes, at best, profane.

A place saw I, defeated now
by men, not those from distant soil
but citizens where pride hath come
not just before, but with the fall.
A god, thought I,
of mandate lost;
our world become America: our hope become the human cost.

Oh this was so beautiful! I don't recall reading any of your works, but I'll be sure to keep on reading, since now this piece grabbed me.

It was beautifully written. I'm not a grammar or spelling expert so I wouldn't possible be able to help you there.
Nice usage of words, and I loved the way you spaced out your lines and stanzas.

Beautiful work!

I really like this, the structure flows well, and the satire is subtle while still coming across very strongly (hmm is that an oxymoron), i've gotta say man from what i've read of yours you have quite a poetic talent.

Thanks, guys: I used to write a lot of political stuff, but it was mostly song lyrics and none of it very good, so I generally don't do it anymore. This was kind of a one-off, just all the stress and annoyance from stuff on the news.

Rose - there are more pieces somewhere down the lyric poetry board they've wandered off into oblivion by now.

Beautiful. Liked it a lot. :thumb:

Excellent. A beautiful piece of writing