Young Writers Society

This is a post of two poems in one POST. First one is "Lies" the second, "Fake." I hope you enjoy them both.

"LIES"
‘Well I love you.’
What a waste.
‘I love you and good-bye.’
How do those two things
escape your mouth in one sentence?
Do they even coincide?
I don’t get it.
I don’t get you.

You said you were happy.
You said you felt alive.
You said you’d been searching all your life.
Well you found it.
You admitted to that.
You found it,
all that you’d been looking for.
But you threw me away.
I don’t get it.
I don’t get you.

Why aren’t you strong enough?
It’s your decision to be weak.
Why aren’t you brave enough?
It’s your choice to be cowardly.
You said you were happy.
You said you felt alive.
You said you’d been searching all your life,
and you found it.

But obviously love isn’t enough.
Obviously I am not enough.
Cause you traded it all in,
The smiles, the laughter,
the late nights we loved,
the grand plans we made.
You threw it all away.
Traded it in for tears,
and loneliness.

For some fake person,
you believe yourself to be.
some new fake relationship,
You believe will replace me.
and you believe you will be happy…

Are you convinced yet,
or do you need to tell yourself again?
Cause you had it.
You admitted to that.
You had it,
all that you’d been looking for,
and you threw me away.
**************
**************
**************
**************
"FAKE"
One foot in the door,
I'm ready to run,
but halt!
Halted by
the other foot outside.

I've gotten ahead of myself,
and now I'm split.
Inhabiting two worlds,
two dimensions,
of this present situation
and I preach.

Condemnation,
emancipation.
Bubbling beneath,
this lucid layer,
of letters.
F is for foolish,
A is for anxious,
K is for killing me,
and E is for every word,
I just won't say.

And every day
that slips away.
Unannounced and undisplayed.
With one foot in the door.
Yet farther away than ever before

Mattie wrote:
"LIES"
‘Well I love you.’
What a waste.
‘I love you and good-bye.’
How do those two things
escape your mouth in one sentence?
Do they even coincide?
I don’t get it.
I don’t get you.
You said you were happy.
You said you felt alive.
You said you’d been searching all your life.
Well you found it.
You admitted to that.
You found it,
all that you’d been looking for.
But you threw me away.
I don’t get it.
I don’t get you.
Why aren’t you strong enough?
It’s your decision to be weak.
Why aren’t you brave enough?
It’s your choice to be cowardly.
You said you were happy.
You said you felt alive.
You said you’d been searching all your life,
and you found it.
But obviously love isn’t enough.
Obviously i am not enough.
Cause you traded it all in,
The smiles, the laughter,
the late nights we loved,
the grand plans we made.
You threw it all away.
Traded it in for tears,
and loneliness.
For some fake person,
you believe yourself to be.
some new fake relationship,
You believe will replace me.
and you believe you will be happy…
Are you convinced yet,
or do you need to tell yourself again?
Cause you had it.
You admitted to that.
You had it,
all that you’d been looking for,
and you threw me away.
**************
**************
**************
**************
"FAKE"
One foot in the door,
I'm ready to run,
but halt!
Halted by
the other foot outside.
I've gotten ahead of myself,
and now I'm split.
Inhabiting two worlds,
two dimensions,
of this present situation
and I preach.
Condemnation,
emancipation.
Bubbling beneath,
this lucid layer,
of letters.
F is for foolish,
A is for anxious,
K is for killing me,
and E is for every word,
I just won't say.
And every day
that slips away.
Unannounced and undisplayed.
With one foot in the door.
Yet farther away than ever before

There was alot of punctuation problems and capitalizing but if you see above I took care of that for you. Very powerful and lots of emotion. You might consider making a song out of it. Oh and another thing try putting it into stanzas. Overall good and keep on writing.

I agree with Yoshi. Capitalization is a must, especially here. It looks unreadable without it. Sometimes you can get away with not capitalizing, but in this case, no.

I honestly think you should ahve put these in seperate posts.
I mean I wrote a poem called BEAUTIFUL with a friend of mine.
I put them together because they both fit in well together, they were both meant to be together.

Both of yours are similar but I wouldn't have put it in two posts. because
a) condfused me because I read too fast
b) other people will think it's too long and will probably not read it.

And puncuation was covered... yeah. It was a pretty nice job overall though, but something I'd take into consideration would be seperating both poems.

I agree with Yoshi and TBR...
Without stanzas, I easily got confused because I kept losing my place (yet again, I easily get confused over anything )
Without punctuation, I really didn't understand them and I got lost yet again

I think that you meant VERY well of these pieces, but they looked unappealing (sp?) to the eye for there was no true form, and were hard to follow. Revise it, put 'em into stanzas, and maybe you'll get more critiques for people will want to read 'em!

Scratch that the poem was called TWO POEMS :embarassed:
Yeah... I miss those times...
But yeah, those two tied in together and were extremely short which is why I posted them together.

Agree'd.