Young Writers Society

You draw me into your words
Your thoughts, and your poetry
With your blue eyes
And I love them.

It’s almost a seduction dance
When you look at me across the crowd and through the window,
Your eyes are like blue diamonds
Taking their fill of me.

Blue eyed boy, make up your mind
You talk to me about her
While your eyes tell me there’s only me,
Where can I wait safely while you decide?

Green eyed girl, make up your mind
Which way do you run?
You’d let him take you in his arms if he tried
Embracing your love for the moment and throwing your common sense far away.

You’re walking a dangerous line here, girl,
You want him but you’re afraid of the blue in his eyes
You know you should run, you know you should run,
I smile back at him,

I’m lost.

I liked it! I liked how it used traditional love symbols - diamonds; eyes etc but twisted them so it was original and not chiched. Nice

Green eyed girl, make up your mind
Which way do you run?
You’d let him take you in his arms if he tried
Embracing your love for the moment and throwing your common sense far away.

I loved that stanza for some reason.................

This seemed more like a song to me rather than a poem. I don't know why, it could just be how you wrote it. Aren't all poems a song in some form or fashion? Anyways, this was very nicely done. Flowed together smoothly and let you get the full effect as you explained everything. It had a very good start, and ended rather sudden. I liked that. Kind of left you hanging...unsatisfied I guess. It might not have to others, but everyone interpruts poems differently. That's how I felt about yours. It also seems as it could have been a story. Besides being a poem, I would suggest to try to write about this. You may not be a writer, but I think you could make this into a short story rather easily. I know I'd read it; for sure.

As Mattie said, it seemed more of a song to me than a poem. A bit prose-ish, is that even a word? But I like it, that you could take a very clichéd topic, the color of a lover's eyes, and create something original from it. It flowed very smoothly, like a sing song dance.

This though seemed...meh...

You’d let him take you in his arms if he tried
Embracing your love for the moment and throwing your common sense far away.

The only part of the poem that I can say I didn't care for.

But on the whole it was nice to read.

tahtah

ºMaatº

I liked this but i had a few little gripes with it. I wasn't sure about the double use of "and" in the first stanza. Also i kinda felt the word "blue" on its own wasn't hugely descriptive, but then i do have a penchant for extravagant words, although in the same breath im not sure it would flow nearly as well if a few extra syllables were chucked in there willy nilly.

I liked it. i also agree it sounded like a song. This was a good thing, i liked the rhythm it had. It had powerful images of blue eyes.

You’d let him take you in his arms if he tried
Embracing your love for the moment and throwing your common sense far away.

This part ralates to so many people who fall for someone. Great work.

um, no. I didn't like it, it was just....sigh. I want images and metaphors and a story, not just talking, not just talking talking talking.

I love that poem sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo- much. I guess you get the idea.