Young Writers Society

i watch
as you lick your lips wet
and take a drag from your cigarette
that filthy habit
that disgusting routine
how do you make it taste so sweet
like it’s not really smoke
that’s filling my lungs
it’s a sweet aphrodisiac
a sapphire delight
made of rosemary and vanilla
seeds sown in the night
and grown out of your fingers
swirled round your palm
your hand held to my mouth
my oxygen mask
i cannot breathe outside this moment
smoldering, billowing
encircling your face
holding me captive
within this space
burning my handprints
into this place
with that filthy habit
disgusting routine
that’s somehow
now so dear to me

I have a couple of others, I was going to post them, but decided against it. If you liked this poem and would like to read more, please say so if you reply. Thanks for the comments in advance. (That is, if I get any. )

I've tried twice to reply to this, and am at a loss of anything intelligent to say.

Let me say this: this appealed to me in an unexplainable way. I'm trying to work out if my interpretation is what you wanted to come across. Poetry isn't my thing, so it'll take me a while. I'll read it a few more times.

~Jacquie~

Poetry was never my forté either... but i'll be damned if this isn't good. I can't find anything grammatically wrong with this either...

You've summed up exactly how I feel about cigarettes in one poem! That's quite impressive!
It's a baaaad habit and I'm trying to quit....but I accidently went and bought a pack this morning...oops.
Anyway, the poem is good and it really flows without any interuptions. It's very imaginative for such a random topic.
Like it.

I really enjoyed this poem! It flowed nicely and nothing seemed forced. Great topic too! Haven't read a poem about smoking before, makes a very refreshing change.

Interesting idea...someone making a disgusting habit somehow attractive to someone else. I liked it, good language use. One correction I would make:

that filthy habit
that disgusting routine

I wouldn't start two lines in a row with "that." Try to vary it somehow.