Young Writers Society

It Would Be Wise to Think First

When, by a condescending statement
You decide to unveil a hidden
Aspect about me, to the world,
First, stop a moment and think of me.

Don't think of what holds me up
In the eyes of others; be it looks,
Dress or whit, but think of who I am inside.
Of my spirit and respect, my ideals and personality.

There must be firm evidence for the charge against me,
Or I will think you fickle.
It might do harm to the unblemished (as yet)
Slate of your conduct towards me.

So when the time comes to reveal the truth,
Please be wise, and thank you for thinking of me.

---------------------------------

Comments/critiques would be appreciated

Would anyone mind commenting on this, please?

Seemed almost to be a mix between old and modern styles - the switching of word order I certainly liked - "be it looks" for example.

Remove the last stanza, it ruins the atmopshere of the poem. Otherwise I like the whole protesting feel of it. Twas good. Remove the stuff in brackets, I don't think that is needed either.

Thanks, Firestarter! Its just that I wanted to end on a more happy note with the last stanza, but I'll see what I can do....

I agree with Firestarter about the last stanza only I don't think it needs to be completely removed. Just take out hte "thank you" part. You don't have to end it on a happy note. Other than that, I like it.

So you want it to say: 'So when the time comes to reveal the truth, please be wise' ???

Or at the end you could put, "Please think of me and be wise" Althought that might sound a little wordy once you put it in. But check it out, maybe it will work.

Overall, I liked the poem, but I did think that it had a very modern feel to it, not that that's bad. The voice in the poem is quite evident and protesting, but in a philosophical way. However, the 3rd stanza seemed disjointed to me. "Slate of your conduct..." seems weird. I think maybe you should rework it somehow. And I agree with the others about reworking the 4th stanza as well. But it was very easy to follow and understand, though not very artistic. It was more a blatant statement of your feelings, like the "voice" of the poem was venting. But, I just took it as that was how you wanted it to be and if so, it was great.

-Brooke

That was great wish i could write like that good on you

Thanks Brooke, I'll start working on it

Thanks Tazy It was a very 'out of the blue' poem...