Young Writers Society

when things turn negative..
when mood turns low..
i often think of those around me..
one by one..
but couldn't recollect even one,
whom i can share my loneliness with...

its only me..n thee...
sharing.....
could hear his voice...
through prevailing silence
coming from within...

its only then i have an urge n inspiration..
to jot down my thoughts
and embellish it with words...

i write only when have
as many why's in my heart and mind...
a QUEST to know
WHAT LIFE IS???.......

QUEST to know
WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE MADE FOR???....

and right now ...its just my eyes
that exists...not the body...
and nothing can explain this emotion better...

don know why miseries exist????
I GET STUCK GOD!!!!!!!!!

don have reasons...
yet many things disappoint
don know why...
don understand...

why there is a gap between "you" n "me"?????
why two souls doesnt permeate????
why minds dont match???
why hearts arent receptive??????
why "you" n "me" are seperate?????
why none from the "you" could be "mine"????
why i cant biff all the bonds???
why truth is a mere word left???
why this fake attitude exist????
what for??????.......

all SOULS ....
yet none sensitive to understand...

everyone feels the same...
yes ..they do...
but forget it as today becomes yesterday...

but i lay here....
still analysing LIFE....
guardians...friends....relatives....strangers...
all SOULS....
yet so different...

pretend to understand "me"....
but all in vain...

all after "me" or "mine"..
hollow people..
thrasonical they are...
no substance within...
they think more than feel...

its a mere market...
n everything sells...

Thee!!!!!!!why do u test ????
and why do i fail???

am not weak...but like a stem..
trying to be flexible with life...

tell me THEE!!!!!!!
what is truth????/
who is true??????
make me pure.......
enlighten me please...
simple at heart...
chaste at mind...make me profound...
so can i fathom...
TRUTH...!!!!!!!

HELP ME TO BE ME...

still now able to potray HEART...
but still trying...
no words could i think of...
still trying...

GIMME POWER...
TO BE TRUE...
GIMME STRENGTH...
TO BE COURAGEOUS...

BE WITH ME ALWAYS...
I NEED U...
I NEED U...
I NEED U...

I liked the idea of this, but I think there were too many dots......too many exclamation marks and question marks, and too many capitals at the end. Writing should be good enough for you to not need to exaggerate it with so much punctuation, not to mention the fact it looks a bit sloppy and unprofessional.

Looking past those issues, I liked the idea, about why you write and such. So, keep writing.

Matt Bellamy wrote:I liked the idea of this, but I think there were too many dots......too many exclamation marks and question marks, and too many capitals at the end. Writing should be good enough for you to not need to exaggerate it with so much punctuation, not to mention the fact it looks a bit sloppy and unprofessional.

Looking past those issues, I liked the idea, about why you write and such. So, keep writing.

thanks sam for ur comments...i will take care not to make the same mistakes...thanks a lot..

hello!

i liked your poem. i think it aptly conveys the impulsiveness and feelings that you wanted it too. but personally speaking, i always like poems to more rich in metaphors and imagery , i think they add to its literary value, which i found it missing here. the poem could have been shorter because towards the end the impulsiveness seems to get a bit excessive and hence fails to keep the attention intact.
besides i feel a poem should have an impact such that the reader wants 'more' after it finishes but your poem fill me with satiety.
i guess you wont mind my crit! i just wrote what i felt but at the end of the day, your poem was a nice read!

-torsa

torsa_n_muse wrote:hello!

i liked your poem. i think it aptly conveys the impulsiveness and feelings that you wanted it too. but personally speaking, i always like poems to more rich in metaphors and imagery , i think they add to its literary value, which i found it missing here. the poem could have been shorter because towards the end the impulsiveness seems to get a bit excessive and hence fails to keep the attention intact.
besides i feel a poem should have an impact such that the reader wants 'more' after it finishes but your poem fill me with satiety.
i guess you wont mind my crit! i just wrote what i felt but at the end of the day, your poem was a nice read!

-torsa

hi!!!
well.. torsa ...i agree with u as far as metaphors n imaginary part is concerned....but would like to tell u that i really didnt make any conscious efforts to write a poem as such or to make it more beautiful...actually these r my thoughts tht often disturb me n i just wrote it as it is.....well m a casual poet....who follows instinct...but thanx for ur comments...i will keep these in mind...n try to make my work better...thanks a lot!!!!
soni