Young Writers Society

Distance

Through the dusk, I stared
Gazed through the dawn.
Through the night I whispered
Murmured through the morn.
And listened to their song.
‘n’ they all spoke of one thing that’s..Distance!

Distance, distance, distance;
O my sweet distance…
Further and further they stretch on living’s insistence.
Far across the rain-washed afternoons,
Far past the crescent moons,
Far beyond the dream of blooms,
Far from the soothing rooms,
Does not allow me to rest for an instance.

It is but life a distance
Birth and death on either side.
It is but love a distance
East and west ready for the ride.
From all to alone,
From seen to shown,
How long is that road across remains unknown?

For two ends far apart,
What is that which that which connects them?
On seeing beauty the fight of heart insane,
Energetic morning breeze healing pain,
Melody of blood resonant with cleansing rain…
And still then when I lament again,
A chord, which sustains us, makes me aware of its presence,
All queries of life are harnessed by the same old eternal distance.[/i]

I love this!!!!!! I think the idea is great, and apart from a couple of lines, I really like it!!!! What an awesome poem!

And listened to their song.
‘n’ they all spoke of one thing that’s..Distance!

I didn't like this bit....it just didn't flow, and the 'n' bit was way out....Maybe 'They all spoke of one thing...Distance!' would be better....

Distance, distance, distance;

Ok, I think two 'distance' would be enough, three is just a bit too much.

O my sweet distance…
Further and further they stretch on living’s insistence.
Far across the rain-washed afternoons,
Far past the crescent moons,
Far beyond the dream of blooms,
Far from the soothing rooms,
Does not allow me to rest for an instance.

This is my fave verse

It is but life a distance
Birth and on either side.
It is but love a distance
East and west ready for the ride.
From all to alone,
From seen to shown,
How long is that road across remains unknown?
For two ends far apart,
What is that which that which connects them?

The first, second, seventh and ninth lines of this stanza are not all that great. They break up the symmetry of the overall effect, and are too long and wordy, and they sort of get you tangled around yourself, if you know what I mean.

=D> I loved it! Especially the line:

Is but love a distance

It's so evocative and meaningful. Keep up the good work!!

I'm not sure what's with the growing popularity of posting poetry in different font colors. I think that sort of detracts and distracts from the actual wording and flow of the piece, but that's just my opinion.

My only other complaint, besides the coloring is this:
"Does not allow me to rest for an instance."

I'm not sure that the word "instance" is used correctly there.

Other than that, nicely done.

I really luved this. I just got the most awesome feeling from it, I can't even describe it...but it was wonderful. The language was excellent as well. It was, like...jumbled, kind of like scattered thoughts...but in a very very good way.

i am happy to get such aesome response from you all. i am really thrilled. i have not been able to catch up with all the response for some time, now i am trying to reply to all the response i got. thanks !

i like this alot, though the rhyming seemed a bit forced in places. i think its cool how it covers so many different emotions; the mood switched from being joyful, care free, and optimistic to being darker and more sorrowful. its hard to pull off switching the tone so suddenly, but it works really well in this poem. i also though that the colored text distracted from the poem, but other than that, great work.