Young Writers Society

Turn Out the Lights


Turn out the lights.
Please.
I can’t see the stars.
I miss the stars.
I can’t remember
the patterns,
the beauty,
the glow.

But, I know they remain;
bright, alive,
simply overpowered
by that which is near:
the floodlights,
the streetlights,
the headlights.

Let me step down;
disappear,
so God can shine.
His power,
made perfect in weakness,
is visible
when I diminish,
when I let go,
when I fail.

When I give up
my need
for control.
When I give in
and let Him be God,
it is beautiful,
it is miraculous
it is perfect.

So, turn out the lights.
I’ll vacate my throne.
The stars will be seen,
and God’s wonders revealed.

wow... girl, I really like this!!!

The first line really caught me off-guard for a second there, because I thought it was going to be one of those "turn of the lights and let me sit in the dark alone" kind of things, but I love that first stanza!!!

And I really like the thought behind this, and you put it so wonderfully, using that metaphor with the stars and the streetlights and things.

My only suggestion (and it's REALLY nit-picky) is that in the second stanza you change it from "bright, alive" to "bright and alive".

Nice!!!

I think some of the stanza's could be a be longer, and the short, abruptness takes the feeling out of it, but I think it's a nice poem, I agree with the meaning...kids in the city can never see the stars (come to the country!) lol

Yeah, I love the stars. You can see a lot of them where I am beacause I live in a small town but one of my most wanted goals in life right now, is to go up to Canada way out in the middle of nowhere, where there is no light pollution and see the milky way and the northern lights. That's one of my dreams. But yes, very lovely poem, I liked it. No critque here.

I really enjoyed this. The only that bothered me at all was some of your repetition, but in the sort of organization your repetition followed, it was fine. Awesome job1 I love the message

Wow. I liked this a lot more than I thought I would. I'm going through a bit of religious indecision right now, but this... This made me want to return to Christianity. Odd... Anyway, I love it, but two parts bugged me...

*singsoffkey* wrote:I can’t see the stars.
I miss the stars.

I think it would be better if you changed the second line there to "I miss them" only because the lines are too close to be able to repeat it smoothly.

When I give in
and let him be God,

"Him" should be capitalized, but that's more personal preference. Anyway, I found the line "let him be God" to be a bit awkward. Maybe if you change "be God" to "take over" it might sound a little less corny... Not sure.

Overall, great job!

aww... thanks guys for all your comments. I'm soooooo glad you liked it.

Crysi wrote:Wow. I liked this a lot more than I thought I would. I'm going through a bit of religious indecision right now, but this... This made me want to return to Christianity.

You have no idea how excited this makes me Crysi... after all the poem isn't about stars really, it's born out of my own struggle with wanting to take control of my life and how miserably I mess up. I would love to talk to you about your thoughts on this. PM me any time.

Oooo! I liked this a lot! Perhaps it was the simplicity that is making me salivate... perhaps it's the message, which is one of hope rather than despair... perhaps it's just the way everything is structured in an unstructured manner, which makes it flows with ease. Or maybe it's a combnation of all those elements! Either way, I enjoyed this very very very much.

The only thing that does seem awkward are the last three lines:

"I’ll vacate my throne.
The stars will be seen,
and God’s wonders revealed."

I don't know... it seems out of character with the rest of the poem. I know what you mean but... maybe make it a little bit more simpler so it fits in with the rest of the poem?

But no kidding. I really did love this. Good job!

This was a fairly good poem, but it was repetitive and a bit cliche. I mean, it had the average "god is beautiful" and "the world is beautiful" but it had nothing that really but interest in it, nor originality. On top of all that, it made me feel rather sickly about Christianity. But meanings of the poem aside, it was really rather bland.

Hehe! I've been thinking about it for awhile now, and this has turned into one of my favorite poems on YWS. And it takes a lot for me to remember the particulars of a writing I see on these kinds of sites. I see so much of it. Yet, this haunting theme has stuck with me still, even after two months. I can't look at the night sky anymore and not think about it.

Very good job...

This was really good.

the floodlights,
the streetlights,
the headlights

it is beautiful,
it is miraculous
it is perfect

This technique really gets the readers attention. I really liked your poem it was very different.

Wow... I need to come back periodically to make sure I don't miss things. I kinda thought the commenting was done. But, thanks a lot Angel, and Snoink, that is one of the best complements ever. I'm happy to know that my poem is "haunting" you.