Young Writers Society

As usual, I don't know where to put this - but somehow this poem made it into the Teen Literary Anthology being put together for my city. *shrugs*

~*~

Magnificence


Darkness settles in
Bringing me to life
My instincts, my dreams, my fears
All are brought out
Expressed freely

I walk through the night
Smiling at the power it holds
The clouds hover threateningly above me
The wind whispers at my neck
Sending chills down my spine

This is the time I love most
The thrill of danger
Lurking in the inky space before me
The trees whisper around me
Asking why such an intruder
Has entered their presence
Disrupting their sleep

I step through mixing shades of Light and Dark
As the moon dares to slip out of its grey blanket
The houses, the cars, the people –
Everything is silent and dead under its glaring beams
Erasing the proof of our modern days

In the night, my true senses come out
I thrive in the reality of it all
In the truth of the night, where I find myself
In endless adoration of everything around me
I realize that any attempts to create beauty
Fail completely when compared to
The simple magnificence of the night

Why the shrug? I really like this. It's a good, solid concept and it works towards the message of the poem really well. I especially liked the middle three stanzas. The first and last seemed a little bland to me, especially for openings and endings, but overall it's great. Well done.

The following are just my musings on each stanza, don't mind them too much. Most are rhetorical anyway.

Darkness settles in
Bringing me to life
My instincts, my dreams, my fears
All are brought out
Expressed freely

Darkness of night, or the darkness of soul? Perhaps both?

I walk through the night
Smiling at the power it holds
The clouds hover threateningly above me
The wind whispers at my neck
Sending chills down my spine

Night a metaphor for depression, or perhaps sadness? Clouds representing problems hanging over your head?

This is the time I love most
The thrill of danger
Lurking in the inky space before me
The trees whisper around me
Asking why such an intruder
Has entered their presence
Disrupting their sleep

Is this inruder disturbing the trees' sleep...or yours?

I step through mixing shades of Light and Dark
As the moon dares to slip out of its grey blanket
The houses, the cars, the people –
Everything is silent and dead under its glaring beams
Erasing the proof of our modern days

Once again, light and dark as metaphors for happiness and depression? Mood swings perhaps?

In the night, my true senses come out
I thrive in the reality of it all
In the truth of the night, where I find myself
In endless adoration of everything around me
I realize that any attempts to create beauty
Fail completely when compared to
The simple magnificence of the night

So. In short, with the night (depression?) come new sensations and insights that the light (contentment) had never revealed. Within shadow lies truth. Interesting.

Great work, you're definitely on my to "read" list.

--Q

i like this alot. it made me smile. i think you captured the way night feels really well. keep writing!!

I was distracted from your strong images, effective literary devices, and clear dipiction by an impulse to poke my computer screen where I wanted to put periods. If you use punctuation mid-line, please use it appropriately throughout.

This was lovely, especially your use of personification.

This is the only line that sounds awkward:

"I realize that any attempts to create beauty"

I think the guilty one is the word "that." It sounds too coarse for the flowing type of writing you're doing.

Other than that, pretty cool. I can see why it was published.