Young Writers Society

*smacks head against wall* Okay, I SUCK at poetry, but I couldn't think of anything prose-y to do for my dad on Father's Day. Will you guys do me a HUGE favour and rip this thing to shreds so I can put it back together in some semblance of decency? I would appreciate it.

For Daddy

Wails that signified strong lungs
Were the sounds that accompanied me into this world
When you caught me in strong arms
That signified protection

Old Spice, Doritos, and dorky plaid shirts:
Will forever remind me of one person

Broad shoulders and an even stare
Intimidate even the most steadfast personalities
But to me are the signs of stability all little girls should have

Sapient brown eyes
So unlike Doc Holiday
A childlike eagerness at forty-nine

Bouncing fast on your knee
Little girl shrieks of laughter fill the room
And masculine chuckles at the pure joy
Found in the most simple things

Tucked in every night
By a “serious” man who brings stuffed animals to life
You’re Peter Pan, allowing me to stay in Neverland just a few years more

In a world where nothing is certain
You’re a security blanket
Assuring me everything will turn out all right

And I am filled with gratitude
For the blessing of a Daddy
Who’s always there.


I love you. Father’s Day, 2005

I really like it. It reminded me of my father.
I think you did a really good job.

You know, usually I'm not a fan of this sort of lovey-dovey poetry, but it struck a chord with me - and to be honest, I'm sure your dad will love this whatever I say about it. It's about the thought, not just the implementation - but this has done well in both.

Oh, and -

allowing me to stay in Neverland just a few years more

Almost ironically topical. This gave me the wrong ideas. I'm not suggesting you should change it, maybe it's just me that finds that sort of thing funny.

This was nice. It could be a little more poetic sounding, but hey, it's a father's day poem!
Good Job!

I like it. I wouldn't say it's great literature, but it certainly is fitting for a Fathers' Day poem. Good work.

It was really sweet. It didn't really remind me of my dad or anything but I thought it was great. I don't know, my dad has sort of a very different personality. Anyway, great job.

He really liked it. I was surprised... I thought he'd find it kind of trite, but he really loved it. Thanks for the encouragement, guys. I almost didn't give it to him.

Everyone, give a big aw on the count of three.

One...

Two...

THREE!

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...

With that said, a charming poem! I love the plaid shirts line. Daddies are so nice.

Thanks Snoinky! Daddies are the greatest, aren't they? Today my daddy brought home uber lots of Chinese food and it made me happy.

this is really sweet but not to the point that it is cloying. i agree with snoink that the line about plaid shirts and doritos is awesome- very unique. i also liked the peter pan line alot. the 3rd stanza was a bit confusing to me- what's intimidating about a broad shoulders and an even stare? but then again, i guess if the poem is intended as a gift to youre dad, it doesnt matter as long as it makes sense to him.

great job on this!! this is a much more meaningful and personal gift than something store-bought...

This was a really sweet poem, after reading it my first thought was 'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww' !!!

The first four lines should really get it through to your Dad. Make him feel proud, it has I bet. Maybe Shakespeare or Tennyson would not have been overly impressed but to a father, this is a gift he'll remember.

I have three dad's so this really struck me because for one- My father was in the room when I was born. For two it's difficult as a child to grow up with a black dad in a red neck town, but you still have a daddy who loves you, for three I find myself lucky that i get more love. I think you're father will really like this poem because it comes from you. It really does need some work, but despite all of that it still works. I want to go "wow, I really need to call my dad". Which is a good thing. It connects with your reader. Sorry I just can't rip it to shreds.

It was brilliant