Young Writers Society

so i stare at tigerskin again and feel
the complete, woven silence that warms my bare shoulders
with its fingertips, reborn from banging glitter and punching voices.

it was air-conditioning and boredom
making our hair oily and flaky and our skin dry and erupted.
it was dull thuds of impatience to see familiarity yet
bright clamours of longing to see infamiliarity.

eye-burning brightness flew in from the windows and
the minutes snaked down along with reality.

chewing gum, declaring chocolates, struggling to lift baggage,
then gathering at the door like roughly contained globs of different emotions.
relief, expectancy, grief, desire, disappointment:
it was all gushing around inside of us as fatigue
drilled black holes under our eyes and forced cotton into our heads.

hugs which clambered around the airport
and tears which quivered in the eyes,
it was speckled beats of the heart speaking again,
then more hugs from the people i had tried
to hug for three weeks, sometimes succeeding.

it's an eighteen hour life of knives coated in red
tiredness, dejà-vu and more than one eiffel tower smile.
written: Friday 8th October 2004, 11:01pm.

This was nice, but I feel guilty saying it again and again but I'm going to say it anyway. You have toooo much imagery! It's so much I'm trying to juggle all these objects in my head and I can't concentrate on the poem, even. Another thing, you should try to let go of the length...it gets kind of boring to read and some people would get really tired of reading it, and just waiting for the ending. I honestly felt that way with this poem. It may help to try to turn one line into two or three lines and try to give it a flow. I'm not sure, but it just might help.

I really liked it. I can agree with Chevy on how most people don't enjoy all the imagery, because it begins to blur, but I like that feeling. I enjoyed reading it. The one thing I could suggest is rewording things so it flows more smoothly--make it so one who reads it wants to read it out loud.

i really liked it. i dont think it has too much imagery at all; i think the imagery is great. its a bit choppy and confusing, but i think its supposed to be that way, and it gives it a cool mood.