Young Writers Society

Lost
I lost a friend today

I didn't really care
It didn't really matter
I might've cared if
He didn't act the way he did.

I was chatting online today
When his name appeared
I called him here and we began to chat
Just like old buds do
When all of a sudden he typed something
I felt uncomfortable.
He typed me a question
Asking for a picture
I know my parents would say no
I knew the rule and I told him so
But he didn't care, he just wanted the photo

Even though he was my friend
And I didn't want to give him up
What he did and what he said
Just pushed me towards the end
Summoned me to drop him
I told him NO NO NO NO NO!!!
Do you think he listened?
Read five last words above.

It ended
We were no longer friends.
He deleted me from his computer
I deleted him from my life but
Both of us didn't care.
Now that it's said and done
I have time to reflect
And truly see what I’d truly
Lost.

(It has been 2 years since I wrote this... it is very old and I am very sad remembering this...)

I think this really has the potential to be good and I did like it... a lot, but it could use some work

Lost
I lost a friend today
Of course I didn't really care
It didn't really matter
It didn't seem so big
It probably would've been if
He hadn't done what he'd done.
I was chatting online today

Ok, your first line was GREAT really nice. The second line kind of took away from the first. Perhaps, "At first, I really didn't care," would be better. Also, you used 'it' a lot and it got a little old, taking away from the meaning.

When his name appeared
I called him here and we began to chat
Just like old buds do
When all of a sudden he typed something
And I felt uncomfortable.
He typed me a question
Asking for a picture
I know my parents would say no
I knew the rule and I told him so
He didn't care he just wanted a picture.
Even though he was my friend
And I didn't want to give him up
What he did and what he said
Just pushed me towards the end
Summoned me to end this all.
I told him NO NO NO NO NO!!!
Do you think he listened?
Read five last words above.
It ended and we were no longer
Friends.

This seemed more like a story and could be more figurative and interesting, but it got the point through. I liked how you broke 'friends' from the rest of the poem

He deleted me from his computer
I deleted him from my life but
Both of us didn't care.
Now that it's said and done
I have time to reflect
And truly see what I’d truly
Lost.

I really liked your comparison about deleting. It was really neat. I loved your ending and how you ended it with the first word. Over all, that was really good though it could use some work. Nice.

I lost a friend today ----------------------> to make this more dramatic, seperate it from the stanza, on it's own, and put a full stop.
Of course I didn't really care
It didn't really matter
It didn't seem so big ---------------> the repetition here makes it seem so basic and immature. I'd like to see some variety of language.
It probably would've been if
He hadn't done what he'd done. --------------> I think this should be re-worded, it's clumsy.
I was chatting online today ------------------> Staru a new stanza here.
When his name appeared
I called him here and we began to chat
Just like old buds do
When all of a sudden he typed something
And I felt uncomfortable. -------------------> remove the "And"
He typed me a question
Asking for a picture
I know my parents would say no
I knew the rule and I told him so
He didn't care he just wanted a picture. ------> poor line, this needs some re-wording.
Even though he was my friend ------------> I'd start another stanza here.
And I didn't want to give him up
What he did and what he said
Just pushed me towards the end
Summoned me to end this all. ----------> use a different word than 'end', you used it in the previous line.
I told him NO NO NO NO NO!!!
Do you think he listened?
Read five last words above.
It ended and we were no longer
Friends. -------------------------------> this is silly on it's own.
He deleted me from his computer
I deleted him from my life but
Both of us didn't care. ---------------------------> these three lines were great!
Now that it's said and done
I have time to reflect
And truly see what I’d truly
Lost.

Generally okay, except I think you should find a thesaurus and change some of your repeated words. I can feel your emotion, but it could be much more powerful and truly passionate with better lexis.

Wow, the last line were awesome. And the way you closed it, with "Lost" was a really good idea. It was very enjoyable, and has a lot of potential, because so many people can relate on the issue. Ugh...I don't think I can do much reviewing due to that Fire and Writersdomain butchered it already (and contrary to what SOME people might think, thats a very good thing, and they did very good reviews).

This is great Liz i really like this poem.

PS How many Poems you write, for i'm going to kill myself if i keep staring at this damn computer screen, or die of square eyes if that possible.