Young Writers Society

Behold, I finally finished the poem after a few months of neglect.

The Precariously Perched Pidgeon
It was precariously perched,
That little pidgeon of mine.
For were it standing out of reach,
I'd not be singing this little rhyme.

The wolves, they came,
Yet the bird stirred not;
They pounced on it,
And in their jaws was caught.

Ti-rip-ti-ri-li-ri-li-ri
Ti-rip-ti-li-ri-la!

Ti-rip-ti-li-ri-li-ri-li
Ti-rip-ti-ri-li-ra!

That was it's little song,
Remember it well:
For its maker is dead,
And its owner an empty shell.

Cute! But this line doesn't seem to be very grammatically correct:

They pounced on it,
And in their jaws was caught.

Especially the last line. What was caught?

I lik the fake words the best though.

Ditto Snoink, I wasn't sure about that line either, it was kind of hard for me to get my head around. Apart from that, I like this very much. It's original, and fun to read
One thing I'm not sure of is
"That was it's little song,
Remember it well:
For its maker is dead,
And its owner an empty shell."

The last line seems a bit too long...maybe split it into two? Oh I don't know, I try to crit things but it's difficult when the piece is pretty good in the first place!

Snoink-Maybe reading the entire paragraph will answer it?:

'The wolves, they came,
Yet the bird stirred not;
They pounced on it,
And in their jaws was caught.

The 'it' in the third stanza refers to the bird of course, and thus 'it' was caught!

As for the last line, I dunno, it seems fine to me...

Yeah, none of that bothered me. I thought this was wonderful. Very good job.

*Tips imaginary hat* Thank-You. You know, I enjoy not writing about life and my own psychological, em, 'abnormalities'(I can be quite 'vivid')-I think it tends to frighten people, and it has...