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Young Writers Society


The Garden of Life



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39 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 39
Thu Nov 03, 2005 10:28 am
Tríona says...



The Garden Of Life
Greed is like a thistle,
Its flowers hold much beauty,
As they stand on thorny stems.

Hate is like a nettle,
You cannot clasp it in your hands,
Without feeling its sting.

And a smileis like a primrose,
Its delicate petals fragile in a garden,
Overrun with weeds.
Bright is the ring of words
When the right man rings them,
Fair the fall of songs
When the singer sings them.
Still they are carolled and said -
On wings they are carried-
After the singer is dead
And the maker buried.

Robert Louis Stevenson
  





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176 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 176
Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:03 pm
Muse says...



No commenter..
Very pretty, and good concept. I dont really see much wrong with it, except for the typo in the last stanza. Yup, good work.
"Sometimes we see a cloud that's dragonish,
A vapour sometimes like a bear or lion,
A towered citadel, a pendant rock,
A forked mountain, or blue promontory,
With trees upon't that nod unto the world,And mock our eyes with air.."
  





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665 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6165
Reviews: 665
Thu Dec 08, 2005 4:26 pm
Chevy says...



Wow, very nicely written. I liked the metaphors and the imagery...you put it together very nicely. The concept was also very good, as Rach said.

Chevy's Critiquing Scale
far left colon - not so great
far right colon - excellent

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when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.
  





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11 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 11
Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:46 am
Just Imagine says...



You make me cry
Very creative, and somewhat real because it refers to the nature
Well, I was wandering how you and other poets come up imagining things so naturally?

P.S. I was wandering what "smileis" was. Is it a typo?
  








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