There Was a Time
There was a time
when lollipops and empty juice boxes
filled the lazy summer afternoons,
and when silly, mindless cartoons incremented my life.
There was a time
when I chose bubblegum ice cream over chocolate,
where private wishes were blown into dandelions,
and where peanut butter sandwiches were always my day's entree.
There was a time
when the world was my playground
and recess was always in session,
where lunch boxes lined the sandbox of my imagination.
There was a time
when, at day's end, my fingers ached
of a hard day of work.
Colorful lines of misguided markers stained my hands.
There was a time
when I became Roald Dahl's BFG,
and I hid behind my desk,
frightened to expose more than necessary.
There was a time
when my teeth longed for ice cream
and the metal tore at my gums
and I was only eleven.
There was a time
when the mirror twisted my body
and the reflection snarled
and---
There was a time
when the plastic rawed my wrist
(back and forth and back and forth and)
shredding and shredding and bleeding.
There was a time
when I cared too much to not notice
or pretend like I didn't care.
Because I did.
There was a time
when I longed for those lazy afternoons
and those stupid cartoons, but instead
I'm stuck with this.
There was a time
when I exiled myself
from whoever and whatever I was,
if I was anything to begin with.
There was a time
when I was nothing more than the
white margins on the edge of a book,
too easily looked past.
There was a time
when I longed to be the words
of some ambiguous poet,
singing of dreams and stars.
There was a time
when I wrote to get away
and then and only then
could I be found.
There was a time
when words like 'dream'
were larger than 'exile',
and 'forgotten' and 'scared'.
There was a time
when my vocabulary grew
along with my strength and my
words could vanquish any bad.
There was a time
when I was proud
and unafraid to be different,
when 'big' was just as equal to 'okay' as was 'skinny'.
There will be a day
when I can voice my me
and say "I'm proud of who I am"
and not give a damn.
There is a time,
although at times I'm scared
and at times I'm brave,
when I can be me.
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