An Ethereal Being

6 posts
User avatar
LadyPurple
Gender Female
Points 1171
Reviews 206
Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:01 pm
LadyPurple says... · Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:01 pm
Tear it to little bits and shreads. Bite my head off if you need to 'cause I want to improve :P *edit: not sure...I tried moving some words around and just can't change it and keep it good.
An ethereal being
Haunting me in a dream.
Your presence used to cease my breath
My days with you were a silent death.
In your arms I was entombed
With a kiss you sealed my doom.
I went to you for protection
But only found my own destruction.
Your love was killing me slowly
Who would have guessed from a face so lovely?
Last edited by LadyPurple on Mon Nov 14, 2011 3:05 am, edited 1 time in total.
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn
Quote




User avatar
LoneWolf161
Gender Female
Points 792
Reviews 6
Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:16 pm
LoneWolf161 says... · Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:16 pm
this is good I enjoyed it well I enjoy any poet that people write
Quote




User avatar
Audrey718
Gender Female
Points 1182
Reviews 14
Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:21 pm
Audrey718 says... · Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:21 pm
Very nice. I like it and have no bad comments about it!
Great Job, and i hope to read some more wonderful poems by you!
Audrey718
Audrey
Noble Strength
Quote




User avatar
TaylorTheGreat
Gender Female
Points 1229
Reviews 21
Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:49 pm
TaylorTheGreat says... · Sun Nov 06, 2011 7:49 pm
Yo you! that's a nice poem! Well not "nice" it's a rather darkish/love/awesome (if possible) emotion.
Quote




User avatar
LadyPurple
Gender Female
Points 1171
Reviews 206
Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:05 pm
LadyPurple says... · Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:05 pm
:) thanks, you people!
You're new? Great seas! Why haven't you gone to the Buddy System yet?



You're dealing with writers. The words "normal" and "usual occurrence" do not compute.
~Rosey Unicorn
Quote




User avatar
Gg127
Gender None specified
Points 1262
Reviews 33
Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:12 pm
Gg127 says... · Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:12 pm
I thought it was really great! However, some of the rhyming was little off. I might suggest rearranging the order or wording so that the rhythm flows better. The concept was very realistic and well thought out. Great analogies. Keep up the good work!
Quote

6 posts


have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
— Shady