Young Writers Society

You will never know, and you can never see
Everything you had meant to me.

When it seemed like your world could never be right,
I was your safety net, to hold you tight.

And when it was my turn to crash and burn,
Your coldness to me was what I got in return.

All of a sudden you made me feel small,
You did not hold me; you just let me fall.

And as you let me crash to the ground,
You did not bother to even turn around.

I could not feel; you left me so numb.
You still do not care about what you had done.

Although you tried to stay out of my sight,
you continued to haunt me day and night.

Did you enjoy all my hurt and pain?
All my hopes you threw down the drain.

Something had to change- I had no hope, no light.
So I did one thing that made everything right.

To God I made a desperate call,
Stood up with His help, and grew very tall.

Now I have strength to go on each day,
Looking at my life in a brand new way.

I see I have blessings beyond compare.
The love that God gave me will always be there.

My friends and family I finally see,
They forgive all my blemishes, and adore the real me.

So I have stood up, not afraid to be free,
Because that is what God created me to be.

Wow! This was a very interesting poem! It was very perceptive and although the style (all those couplets!) was strange to me, I liked this a lot. The opening lines got me hooked right away and everything flowed very nicely (there were some parts were the rhythm was off, but that's okay). My favorite part was definitely the beginning:

MissRockers wrote:You will never know, and you can never see
Everything you had meant to me.

When it seemed like your world could never be right,
I was your safety net, to hold you tight.

And when it was my turn to crash and burn,
Your coldness to me was what I got in return.

All of a sudden you made me feel small,
You did not hold me; you just let me fall.

So, over all, lovely poem, and thanks for writing it!
TSlM

I loved it. I felt the emotion in all of the lines, and well... I dont know what else to say. It was good, but the lines were off-kilt, they didn't read smoothly, as you transitioned between couplets, they were uneven and didn't read smoothly, but unless you want to sacrifice the meaning of this poem, don't change a thing. Good job, Keep Writing!

I liked your internal rhyme on line five. it added more to the poem and helped it flow better! You used a few near rhymes, which you totally pulled off. good job! TheSlashMan was right--your rhythm was slightly off at times, but overall it was pretty close to being consistent. Nice work!

Hey, thanks everyone for the good tips!! Could anyone be so kind as to just tell me exactly which parts in particular the flow doesn't work, or where it's choppy. I would like to see exactly where, so that I can really look over it and fix it. Thanks again!

Wow :O
When I read that all the words just flowed into place and went together beautifully.
I find it hard to find poems that I really like but, this one was one of the best I've read today.
I hope you keep writing cause I hope to read more.
Good job:)

Hi! I read this, and I have to say, it's great. I love the rhythm you have, the story it depicts. It's like a letter to an old friend. I love this poem and agree with it whole-heartedly. You should write more like this, it's excellent. Keep writing!

Nice poem, it's a simple message that has a powerful impact. I think every christian can relate to this. I liked the short stanzas. You said so much without having to use too much detail. Nice job.

I really enjoyed reading this poem.. I'm going through a rough time and it's good to know that i'm not the only one out there who is, or was. I feel like this poem's rhyme was a little bit to pushy. Like you pushed for the rhyme to happen, it just didn't come naturally, but it seems to work really well. I want to say keep up the good work. Thank you for the poem!

This is REALLY good!
Congratulations!
I don't have anything helpful to say because I don't think you need any help here.
Loved your poem! Write again soon!