Young Writers Society

A helpless and unforgiving love-
I cannot justify the way my heart pounds.
It pounds, it flutters, it cracks and bleeds.
Every breath I take severs it further.
Twisting, bittersweet lies and hope,
And vines of rotting sympathy stretch through my veins.

It is impossible to feel beautiful,
Impossible to feel right, with curls slipping over shoulders,
And eyes crinkling with copacetic smiles.
It is wrong to feel beautiful when I have this
Jungle of emptiness infesting my soul.

No bottle of perfume,
No dusting of colour,
Nothing can cover up the way my eyes
Lose their brilliance when I remember that
There is so much that is better than myself,
So much more to live for.
And when I know that I’m not worth much
In the grand scheme of things,
That is when I feel it most.

This overgrowth of sadness buried deep within me
Is so overpowering. I can’t stifle the way it reeks,
The way it pulls me down.
I double over from the pain.
It brings me to my knees,
Smothers my airways,
And leaves me there on the ground,
To try to recover. I am helpless for it.
I am weak.

This well of despair cannot be
Irrigated or drained. It cannot do anything but
Remain, and fester, and spike my veins when
It feels it has been ignored for too long.
Its only purpose is to remind me
That I’m not good enough
For anyone.

Never in my life have I wished
More longingly for a drought.

This is beautiful. I can see a few errors when it comes to punctuation, but I understand rhythm and personal preference play a large part with poetry as a whole, and the errors don't really detract from the piece's quality. The word choice is spectacular, and the way some lines and stanzas are formatted bring the situation and emotions to light. There is some effect with assonance, particularly with "drained" and "veins", but that isn't the sole focus of the poem.

The last two lines feel somewhat staggered and separate from the rest - it makes me wonder if that was the original intent, but it's not a pressing issue. It adds to the emotional value of the poetry, pushing a bit of a stark view upon the reader. I think this is about all I can manage in this tone of voice, so I'll just say: this is a pretty piece of poetry you have here, reflecting a general feeling on the reader that they may or may not be inherently familiar with, and it's quite a bit of work.

This is a very beautiful poem as you've already been told. I did, like your first reviewer notice some mistakes that could be fixed but I'm sure she's filled you in on that. This poem really spoke to me and I could see why you decided to post it under lyric poetry considering it does have a song-like rthym to it. I enjoyed reading and humming this poem to myself and I liked it so much, I memorized it. Keep up the great work!

Ohhh my gosh i love love love love this poem so much!!! I relate to this beyond relating to anything! You did a VERY good job! I am the same way, i can never express my emotions to anyone and i just let them pile up until i burst in flames. When i become depressed and saddened, that's the only emotion i want to feel. I can never see myself getting better. Ahh i really love this poem, and i don't know how many times i can express that to you. I admire your work. Good job. Inspiration!!!