Young Writers Society

We live life like we write on paper;
silly lines, you call them,
scribbled inarticulately, clumsy
next to mine, so tedious and scripted,
while yours break from boundaries
of grotesque beauty and perfection,
allowing a dose of warm reality,
obliging each glitch as though it
was intended to be so absurd.

And we breathe like our footsteps;
I watch yours, every step
as you push the earth away with
the toe of your shoe, euphoniously
lacking all subtle forms of rhythm,
an envying freedom to march
to no beat, to a soul-fed song but
a free-flowing escape that
allows you to smile.

And so I suppose we dream like music;
your words come like notes,
dripping honesty and yet, somehow,
put perfectly, eloquent in their lack of
reason or intention as if to say to
yourself that there is no reason
not to indulge in such ridiculousness.
I wish on the notes of your voice
that I will gain such clumsiness.

Great poem! I loved most of the elements, however, I'm super confused on the meaning...

We live life like we write on paper;
silly lines, you call them,
scribbled inarticulately, clumsy
next to mine, so tedious and scripted,
while yours break from boundaries
of grotesque beauty and perfection,
allowing a dose of warm reality,
obliging each glitch as though it
was intended to be so absurd.

Here I feel like we're talking about handwriting. How exactly is handwriting clumsy? I know it's comparing life to writing on paper, but I don't get how writing on paper is "clumsy". I can see how the first part relates to hand writing and life, however, how do the last 3 lines relate to hand writing? I understand how they work with life, but not writing. Some of the words- though excellent word choice, I might add- seem misplaced, as if you're trying to enhance the stanza with unfitting words. Sometimes, you don't have to go all out. See, I feel like the word "inarticulately" doesn't exactly go along with the rest, although a real neat word. Overall, not as much a fan of this stanza as much as the others.

And we breathe like our footsteps;
I watch yours, every step
as you push the earth away with
the toe of your shoe, euphoniously
lacking all subtle forms of rhythm,
an envying freedom to march
to no beat, to a soul-fed song but
a free-flowing escape that
allows you to smile.

Definitely my favorite stanza. I like the idea of comparing life to footsteps, or breathing to footsteps. The first line really sets the stanza, and I love using breathe rather than repeating live. "Euphoniously" is great, I really loved how that works and sounds very smooth and natural. Pushing the earth away is also an excellent visual. The final lines I also love, they have a really graceful air about them. LOVED this stanza!

And so I suppose we dream like music;
your words come like notes,
dripping honesty and yet, somehow,
put perfectly, eloquent in their lack of
reason or intention as if to say to
yourself that there is no reason
not to indulge in such ridiculousness.
I wish on the notes of your voice
that I will gain such inarticulance.

Really liked this stanza as well. The first lines I totally fell in love with, especially the first 3! The word choice their is optimum and I don't think you could have written the lines better. However, when you mention reason twice, the really great placing of the first "reason" is gone. The "not to indulge in such ridiculousness" was gorgeous. The following line too. LOVED that. The last line. You want to leave your reader with some sort of mystery, or a closure. I did feel closure, and it would have been excellent if not for....

scribbled inarticulately, clumsy (Stanza 1, Line 3)

and...

that I will gain such inarticulance. (Stanza 3, Line 9)

Yea. Don't use memorable words twice. Especially when ending your poem! Also, I appreciate the rhyme at the end, but it seems as if you rhyme only once in the whole poem, which doesn't read well. LOVED the whole stanza, except for the last line.

Overall, this was a fantastic poem!! I'm glad I read it! Keep writing!

This was really good. I actually like, totally loved it. I like how it doesn't have any particular rhyme scheme going on, and the images are just beautiful. You have a way with words (ironically enough).

This was my favourite stanza :

And so I suppose we dream like music;
your words come like notes,dripping honesty and yet, somehow,
put perfectly, eloquent in their lack ofreason or intention as if to say to
yourself that there is no reason not to indulge in such ridiculousness.
I wish on the notes of your voice
that I will gain such clumsiness.

That stanza was great. =] I liked how you compared dreams and music, it was artistic. =]

Well done on a great poem.

♥

I loved the poem too. It made me think about poetry as an art, i think it was one of those poems that appears to be surface level but really much deeper, great job.
I just have little nitpick.

scribbled inarticulately, clumsy

I feel like that should say Clumsily, which flows better;but maybe there's a reason you wrote in like that.
Good job and happy writing