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Young Writers Society


A single wish.



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70 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1778
Reviews: 70
Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:54 pm
WrittenInStone says...



A single wish.

A single star is agleam tonight,
it's feeble glow no match for the moonlight,
but it is seen from down below,
those pairs of eyes, it's path they do follow,

mouthing words they wish to speak,
in a single world that now seems so bleak,
their beating heart as they strain to hope,
they fall to their knees at the edge of a slope,

A single star is agleam tonight,
a desperate wish to end this fight,
but no matter how long their eyes are closed,
their wish laid bare, and too soon disposed.

That single star soon disappears,
having not to worry of the children's tears,
someday again their wish will be made,
until then their hope will fade.
To fly away on gossamer wings, sheer as night's reflective glow, I would could I cradle child hecate to my breast.

|| Wisp. ||
  





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93 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 302
Reviews: 93
Sun Sep 18, 2011 10:58 pm
Nightlyowl says...



Wow this poem was great. I liked it a lot it was deep and yet simple. I really loved it and hope to read more.
4 owls out of 5.
~Owl
~Nightlyowl
  





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30 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 520
Reviews: 30
Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:52 am
constantia says...



Omg... This was honestly amazing. I wish I could give you a better review with some actual constructive criticism, but I'm not the best poet. Haha

You told such an appealing story through this poem. Can't wait to read more of your stuff!(:
  





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374 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1147
Reviews: 374
Mon Sep 19, 2011 2:19 am
tgirly says...



I like it. I don't feel that the last line of the first stanza has the same rhythm as the rest of the poem, it didn't feel tight. I like it a lot though. It's sad, yet hopeful. I like the theme a lot. I like how the children keep on wishing, even though that the wish isn't exactly being answer. I love the line about the star not caring. It was beautiful, just beautiful. Great poem!
-tgirly
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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16 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 935
Reviews: 16
Mon Sep 19, 2011 3:22 am
LittleLionWoman says...



Three words: You've got skill.
"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time." Fight Club
  





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52 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1931
Reviews: 52
Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:54 am
annaseale1998 says...



I really liked this poem. The idea was great, and so were the words. The only problem is that the rhythm isn't constant. The first stanza is very jumpy, because there are one too many syllables in a couple of the lines. I still liked it, but you could still improve it.
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)
  








We know what a person thinks not when he tells us what he thinks, but by his actions.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer